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I'm going to kill myself.

As if there wasn't reason enough to hate Hollywood, some fuckhead studio executive greenlit this. It's "Meet the Spartans," the latest parade of hilarity from the writers/directors of such wittily titled pictures as "Date Movie" and "Epic Movie."

Not even caps lock is capable of conveying just how strongly I feel about rounding up the filmmakers responsible for this film (specifically, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer) and ferociously beating their heads in with spike-covered mallets.

The concept: a spoof of "300." Simple enough, and potentially funny if handled appropriately.

The execution: a title that references a seven year old movie ("Meet the Parents"), jokes that have nothing to do with the film at hand, Spartans break dancing in a reference to "You Got Served" and "Stomp the Yard," a scene mocking Britney Spears (like she doesn't do that enough herself already), and Method Man... all of which is delivered in a way that quite literally rapes your brain cells with its horrifying stupidity.

This is not a parody! This is not comedy! This is not even a real movie! And most of all, THIS IS NOT SPARTA!

...OK, yeah, that joke was bad, but I feel even worse having just subjected you to that mind-numbingly atrocious preview. I actually feel worse than if it had been a video of goatse or tubgirl or something.

To make up for it, here's an infinitely more funny parody of "300" that you've probably already seen: