tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-111620252024-03-18T19:54:59.352-07:00The Quig Spotquigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-49283896653624685872008-01-16T19:25:00.000-08:002008-12-09T10:04:29.393-08:0010 Reasons Why Cloverfield Lives Up To The Hype<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDN0EtUCb2_73vLskj0I5Iwz98YS6i_L-jtpCh84Kx7N6l6wJDVJcyReK1U_hmhUCaiJSxePj0Ua-DZh0XS7aYpMYnprz9sdpDUb0sGhsE0pI03kQogXIMMWjtnNtEBqRSwDCM/s1600-h/cloverfield_header.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDN0EtUCb2_73vLskj0I5Iwz98YS6i_L-jtpCh84Kx7N6l6wJDVJcyReK1U_hmhUCaiJSxePj0Ua-DZh0XS7aYpMYnprz9sdpDUb0sGhsE0pI03kQogXIMMWjtnNtEBqRSwDCM/s320/cloverfield_header.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156226266631109442" border="0" /></a><br />If you listened to <a href="http://www.alwayswatching.org/2008/01/watchers-episode-2.html">yesterday's podcast</a>, you know that I was lucky enough to check out a preview screening of Cloverfield. Did it live up to the hype? Damn right it did. Here are ten reasons why...(MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD)<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8nHJLO7djSoH2YO3L0AF3XI8G_WZZUaepvGIp5UydwK-etzHjWkIEy4y35sovBnrezw8KEMGtY1AvOZXCoDKcb0wW_HVmccaDMO4sRl1l51DG_iI2UUPeDyPnB1r6qahE9M-D/s1600-h/10_godzilla.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8nHJLO7djSoH2YO3L0AF3XI8G_WZZUaepvGIp5UydwK-etzHjWkIEy4y35sovBnrezw8KEMGtY1AvOZXCoDKcb0wW_HVmccaDMO4sRl1l51DG_iI2UUPeDyPnB1r6qahE9M-D/s320/10_godzilla.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156227280243391330" border="0" /></a><br /><b>10. It's not another American version of Godzilla. (Thank God!)</b><br /><br />Let's get this out of the way first. This movie is not 1998's Hollywood version of Godzilla. Nor is it the movie that Godzilla <i>should've</i> been. Really, aside from the fact that both films feature a gigantic creature thrashing about New York, they're so different in style and intent that any comparisons beyond that should be immediately disregarded. In other words, forget Godzilla. That movie sucked. Cloverfield, meanwhile, is something different entirely, and warrants all the hype it's gotten thus far.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNM-TUWNDfTvIMKnMQZao5j2aMzBOd450EIyZFAM1kS93zRaTtO2wTCbxfdYAUwnv09efQ70EfN6NruDJhyphenhyphenDMSSz0oid655FDU97NAJGdysFh1rH62kf5z9CG6PG5O7pnyqbBn/s1600-h/9_problems.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNM-TUWNDfTvIMKnMQZao5j2aMzBOd450EIyZFAM1kS93zRaTtO2wTCbxfdYAUwnv09efQ70EfN6NruDJhyphenhyphenDMSSz0oid655FDU97NAJGdysFh1rH62kf5z9CG6PG5O7pnyqbBn/s320/9_problems.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156227400502475634" border="0" /></a><br /><b>9. The expected "problems" are not problems.</b><br /><br />Not unlike other hyped-up films that have been released in the past, Cloverfield has had plenty of naysayers to go along with all those that have remained hopeful and optimistic. Question is, how many of the potential problems being discussed (the runtime, PG-13 rating, shaky cam, etc.) are actual problems?<br /><br />Truth be told, none.<br /><br />First off, the relatively short 85-minute runtime works perfectly considering what type of film this is. Since the "movie" is basically the recovered footage off the tape found in Central Park, it wouldn't make sense for one of the characters to put in a new tape halfway through, which is basically the only way the filmmakers could've extended things.<br /><br />Secondly, the PG-13 rating never poses a problem. This is not an excessively gory movie, but some of the things that happen are certainly gruesome enough to make your mind feel like it is. The fact that you don't see every little detail in close-up actually makes it even more effective. And intense. Really goddamn intense.<br /><br />Saving the most prominent for last, there's the shaky cam. OK, I'm not gonna lie, it does take a little getting used to during the early sequences. But once you become invested in the film, the handheld style solidifies itself as a vital part of what the whole situation so powerful and realistic. Whereas some movies use shaky cam as a way to hide poor CGI or feign intensity, Cloverfield uses it because, without it, it wouldn't look believable. Without it, the movie would've failed.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDy9NZZJh-mSkQ5YahmIP5azljpBi7UKMmJplS1AhORIOCsEaafIxvogMb2KNZHeFfmvJchuZ_x5lVrifU5hu3PpFGo_H7ir473BjlBaW5kq9cz5a1YgW_HIcMA32phoh_k6W9/s1600-h/8_hud.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDy9NZZJh-mSkQ5YahmIP5azljpBi7UKMmJplS1AhORIOCsEaafIxvogMb2KNZHeFfmvJchuZ_x5lVrifU5hu3PpFGo_H7ir473BjlBaW5kq9cz5a1YgW_HIcMA32phoh_k6W9/s320/8_hud.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156227580891102098" border="0" /></a><br /><b>8. Hud.</b><br /><br />Don't know Hud? Don't worry, you will. He's the guy holding the camera. He's also one of the best things about Cloverfield.<br /><br />In total, there are about 6 "main" characters in the film. A couple of them are worthless, and you won't really care about them living or dying, but the others are OK. And then there's Hud. Ah, Hud. I love Hud. He's kind of a doofus, but a likable, funny doofus. Any compassion you have for these characters can probably be attributed to him. Really, the only reason to dislike him is that he sometimes has a problem focusing the camera on what the audience wants to see. C'mon Hud, the monster's that way! Stop looking at your friends to make sure they're alive! What the hell are you, a decent human being!?<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlcNEmLF0p6VlF804X0tzF6NIhPCMYEUrEuML3L4aBo0nuFH9EYt0kHJCiP8fAO9Pfmt9ghGsnoC1OJUwtv3PR-d8gFHUnCM2nlhYSIHnK0gSjfr1153fa-pSxh4ss_lZI8z8G/s1600-h/7_monster.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlcNEmLF0p6VlF804X0tzF6NIhPCMYEUrEuML3L4aBo0nuFH9EYt0kHJCiP8fAO9Pfmt9ghGsnoC1OJUwtv3PR-d8gFHUnCM2nlhYSIHnK0gSjfr1153fa-pSxh4ss_lZI8z8G/s320/7_monster.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156227701150186402" border="0" /></a><br /><b>7. The monster.</b><br /><br />I know a lot of this film's hype has been in response to the ambiguity of the monster and what it looks like, so the fact that I'm only ranking it at #7 may worry some people. Don't let it. The monster is as cool a monster as most people could've asked for. If you were to ask me to describe it, I wouldn't be able to. The best analogy I can think of is to say it's a mix between the creature from The Host, a sloth, and a praying mantis. Sound weird? Well, it should, because it is.<br /><br />But, how much of it do you get to see? The short answer: Enough. No, you don't get a dozen full-on wide shots of it. In order to obtain a sense of realism, the monster is seen exactly as you would see it were you to film it with a video camera at varying distances while it gets blasted with rockets and marches through the city. That said, you do see the thing a lot, partially obscured though it may be. And there's one shot in particular that should satisfy all those desperate for one perfectly angled look at the monster.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyhEPoH369KIHV0LaPRtnLU_bx0nAXnKOfCzuQq6j1xFmMzrHu18HiAnJhMcapQon1HhAw9yb6bsteKYWtx6RpR3_HqxGjdTVZ4lqCVl8pxokogFtK3nN6TzKPBa4pbGrpvgsC/s1600-h/6_parasites.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyhEPoH369KIHV0LaPRtnLU_bx0nAXnKOfCzuQq6j1xFmMzrHu18HiAnJhMcapQon1HhAw9yb6bsteKYWtx6RpR3_HqxGjdTVZ4lqCVl8pxokogFtK3nN6TzKPBa4pbGrpvgsC/s320/6_parasites.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156228031862668210" border="0" /></a><br /><b>6. The parasites.</b><br /><br />Who would've thought these little bastards would be even cooler than the actual monster? Without spoiling anything, let me just say that the best sequence in the film is without a doubt a credit to these giant scampering bed bugs, dropping off the monster and wreaking havoc whenever the possibility of safety seems evident. Once again, I'm at a loss for words as how to describe them, so I'll leave it at this: they're thin, creepy, spider-like, and enjoy biting.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi13KGeVh2i2Cps7rgIqW9rnKvzfwk2xGDuEK6-w50xGK8xGCyakboIQl_0UKnW1vALevh_4GImtC4qVH0QsWTZlTz5m5kHID4_ag8-vNI9HpGiQbhyphenhyphenc72rYrIIHNFCYWcs9P4W/s1600-h/5_new.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi13KGeVh2i2Cps7rgIqW9rnKvzfwk2xGDuEK6-w50xGK8xGCyakboIQl_0UKnW1vALevh_4GImtC4qVH0QsWTZlTz5m5kHID4_ag8-vNI9HpGiQbhyphenhyphenc72rYrIIHNFCYWcs9P4W/s320/5_new.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156228031862668226" border="0" /></a><br /><b>5. It's something new.</b><br /><br />You could argue this film isn't new. Or unique. Or fresh. After all, The Blair Witch Project came out almost ten years ago. This is practically the same movie, but with a monster... right?<br /><br />No, it's not. I won't argue that they both share the same basic concept, nor will I argue that Cloverfield's existence probably owes a lot of The Blair Witch, but there are some huge differences between the two films. The main one being, this one has a much more massive scale, and a hefty budget to match. Does that necessarily make the movie good? Of course not. But it's awesome to finally see Hollywood producing a relatively big budget action film that's so immensely different than the onslaught of crap that normally ends up in theaters.<br /><br />In the same way I encouraged everybody to check out Grindhouse when it hit cinemas (which hardly anybody did), I recommend you all go support Cloverfield. If this movie does well, we're one step closer to convincing studios that not all moviegoers want to watch the same generic garbage everyone's become so accustomed to. And believe me when I say, Cloverfield is different than any monster movie you've ever seen before. It redefines the genre. In some ways, it redefines film itself.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXRJ-gSIaNWgJ5bFceSLCENByPkRep6AQWLZADJ_7gq7yycLa-GDU8jAxh6edvgZaAbvpGURHOK-D7tXH2SLzR8XD6gKLOKZvSX_js3aui5FVKd2Vz4gqh5-hKp6vqE-bHne4U/s1600-h/4_blockbuster.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXRJ-gSIaNWgJ5bFceSLCENByPkRep6AQWLZADJ_7gq7yycLa-GDU8jAxh6edvgZaAbvpGURHOK-D7tXH2SLzR8XD6gKLOKZvSX_js3aui5FVKd2Vz4gqh5-hKp6vqE-bHne4U/s320/4_blockbuster.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156228031862668242" border="0" /></a><br /><b>4. Blockbuster, or independent?</b><br /><br />It's not hard to find big scale action blockbusters. Hollywood spews out those by the truckload. And if you know where to look, it's just as easy to find intimate, character-driven indie films. But both of them together? That's rare. Not many filmmakers know how to combine the two. Matt Reeves, the director of Cloverfield, clearly does. And that's what makes this movie so interesting. It has all the intimacy you're used to seeing in non-studio productions, but there just happens to be a giant monster and his creepy-crawly minions in the background causing undue mayhem.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkW1K9rimZi-9BFODMYRJuRgV1PsNBc1G6v6ypaMF8ksc4M070SRNV4ptPLbj0hzTwSf3wURZDsRYDjfzSmVixUBCOGh4IABbf-qmFKw26HIFS4AmTvOPRQ8uNCoCr_wk2JP8v/s1600-h/3_real.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkW1K9rimZi-9BFODMYRJuRgV1PsNBc1G6v6ypaMF8ksc4M070SRNV4ptPLbj0hzTwSf3wURZDsRYDjfzSmVixUBCOGh4IABbf-qmFKw26HIFS4AmTvOPRQ8uNCoCr_wk2JP8v/s320/3_real.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156228036157635554" border="0" /></a><br /><b>3. It feels real.</b><br /><br />You know the concept behind Cloverfield by now. It's a faux-documentary(ish) look at a monster attack in New York. What I wasn't sure of though was just how far they were going to take the "realism" aspect of the film. To answer that, they take it <i>all</i> the way. From start to finish, the film is presented as a recovered, unaltered tape following the characters in question. With the exception of a "Government Property" tag at the beginning and some static-y credits at the end, that's all there is. We see footage of a couple of the characters before the party, during the party (when the initial attack happens), and all the shit that goes down afterwards. We also see some brief clips of a previous recording, since the tape is being reused.<br /><br />I say all this in an attempt to convey just how authentic the film is in presentation, or at least would be were it not relating to a monster attack. The characters talk like people talk, the choices they make are (for the most part) very believable, and there's no music or editing outside what the characters listen to at the party and when Hud presses "start" and "stop" on the camera. It's pretty damn awesome.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTykbhP_C_VLt0dRFbkUx2P5wzUYgrijAGntglUs8o0myw7CAN7Zz5TXuuGYvf4ndPLMYlF-uhxTJcWZ3TP4k2HfTlrvbhQLF11topH4RzBR7DDqWrrSWoIqwaHEnCFNdJFPec/s1600-h/2_experience.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTykbhP_C_VLt0dRFbkUx2P5wzUYgrijAGntglUs8o0myw7CAN7Zz5TXuuGYvf4ndPLMYlF-uhxTJcWZ3TP4k2HfTlrvbhQLF11topH4RzBR7DDqWrrSWoIqwaHEnCFNdJFPec/s320/2_experience.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156228040452602866" border="0" /></a><br /><b>2. It's not just a movie, it's an experience.</b><br /><br />You can't help but think while watching Cloverfield that you're only witnessing one piece of the puzzle. It's not telling you everything there is to know about the attacks. It's strictly played from the perspective of the characters, filming what's happening as it goes down. The audience only knows as much as they do. There's an ambiguity present, and it makes you realize this thing is way bigger than just what these characters are experiencing. But because you're experiencing it right along with them, it makes the whole thing so much more compelling. You don't feel like you're watching a movie. You feel like you're watching a home movie of your friends... with them being attacked by monsters.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh643BXDasX3Gn9Fnp4c8yjRDE3eOz6wauzwbVIXZTSUU83W9JNKeVYg2mEol7rIJkxpgb3FQeA4DZpG0USp9TD4CAr7ZjGh9g3nyUaATmzGoo3aTtn9YTXheMLSw6LH8eX0IZy/s1600-h/1_promised.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh643BXDasX3Gn9Fnp4c8yjRDE3eOz6wauzwbVIXZTSUU83W9JNKeVYg2mEol7rIJkxpgb3FQeA4DZpG0USp9TD4CAr7ZjGh9g3nyUaATmzGoo3aTtn9YTXheMLSw6LH8eX0IZy/s320/1_promised.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156226545803983698" border="0" /></a><br /><b>1. It delivers on everything it promised.</b><br /><br />I honestly can't imagine anybody being disappointed by this film. It delivers on exactly what the trailers promised. It's exactly the movie people were hoping for. And my God do I love it. See it this Friday, and you will too.<br /><br /><hr /><br />To hear more about the film, stay tuned for our special "Cloverfield" podcast episode of <a href="http://www.alwayswatching.org/">The Watchers</a>. In the meantime, you can subscribe to the podcast by using <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/TheWatchers">this link</a> in your iTunes or podcast application. (For direct mp3 downloads, go <a href="http://www.alwayswatching.org/2008/01/watchers-episode-1.html">here</a> for episode 1 and <a href="http://www.alwayswatching.org/2008/01/watchers-episode-2.html">here</a> for episode 2).<br /><br />[This post has been cross-posted at <a href="http://www.alwayswatching.org/">AlwaysWatching.org</a>]quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-46691533159076391512008-01-07T13:49:00.000-08:002008-01-08T12:08:15.847-08:00The Watchers - One Podcast to Rule Them All<center><a href="http://www.alwayswatching.org/"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/podcast.jpg" border="0"></a></center><br />Do you like movies? Do you like podcasts? Do you like podcasts where people talk about movies?<br /><br />Well, good sir, you are the target audience for mine and a couple friends' new movie podcast, appropriately titled <b>The Watchers</b>. You can check it out at <a href="http://www.alwayswatching.org/">AlwaysWatching.org</a>.<br /><br />Reasons why you should listen:<br /><ul><li>It's good.<br /><li>It's smart.<br /><li>It's funny.<br /><li>It's sexy.<br /><li>It will lather you up in baby oil and get you pregnant.<br /><li>C'mon, do you really have anything better to do today?<br /></ul><br />Subscribe to the podcast:<br /><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/TheWatchers">http://feeds.feedburner.com/TheWatchers</a>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-60377019181679922572008-01-04T14:01:00.000-08:002008-01-04T14:04:07.650-08:00Ten 2007 Movies That Should've Been Awesome, But Weren't<center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/header2.jpg"></center><br /><b>10. 30 DAYS OF NIGHT</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/30daysofnight.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were hoping for:</b> A stylish and gory adaptation of the graphic novel of the same name, brought to life by the director of "Hard Candy".<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> Just another stupid vampire movie, with its incredibly cool premise used as nothing more than a gimmick.<br /><br /><br /><b>9. REVOLVER</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/revolver.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were hoping for:</b> A return to form from Guy Ritchie, the director of "Snatch" and "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels".<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> Further proof that Ritchie should have never married Madonna.<br /><br /><br /><b>8. FRED CLAUS</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/fredclaus.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were hoping for:</b> A hilarious and offbeat romp with Vince Vaughn and Paul Giamatti, tied together by "Wedding Crashers" director David Dobkin.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> PG-rated kiddie crap.<br /><br /><br /><b>7. SMOKIN' ACES</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/smokinaces.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were hoping for:</b> An onslaught of ridiculous action mixed with an onslaught of ridiculous characters.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> An onslaught of ridiculous characters, but fuck all in the way of action.<br /><br /><br /><b>6. WAR</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/war.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were hoping for:</b> A kickass showdown between Jason Statham and Jet Li.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> Utterly forgettable trash, with barely two minutes worth of a "showdown" between Statham and Li.<br /><br /><br /><b>5. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/pirates3.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were hoping for:</b> A spectacular and climactic resolution of everything left open in "Dead Man's Chest".<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> An excuse to introduce even more plot threads, none of which were interesting, and all of which took an accumulated 2 and half hours to resolve instead of a much more reasonable 90 minutes.<br /><br /><br /><b>4. ALIENS VS. PREDATOR: REQUIEM</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/avpr.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were hoping for:</b> The excessively violent and gruesome R-rated battle between horror icons that should've been delivered by the previous installment.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> Even worse than the first film.<br /><br /><br /><b>3. FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/silversurfer.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were hoping for:</b> A redemption to the series by way of the Silver Surfer's introduction.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> Lots more of the same shit found in the first film, minus Alba's hotness (what the hell did they do to her?), and not even much Surfer.<br /><br /><br /><b>2. SOUTHLAND TALES</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/southlandtales.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were hoping for:</b> The next breathtaking masterpiece from the director of "Donnie Darko".<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> A complete and utter mess of admittedly ambitious ideas, sans any cohesion.<br /><br /><br /><b>1. SPIDER-MAN 3</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/spiderman3.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were hoping for:</b> Another incredible entry in the "Spider-Man" series.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> An overstuffed collection of truly awful scenes, including Parker playing jazz piano, being devious while eating cookies, and crying a lot.<br /><br /><br /><br /><b>NOTE:</b> <i>These choices are based more on the reactions of audiences and critics than my own personal opinion.</i>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-45909170701737747122008-01-04T13:48:00.000-08:002008-01-04T14:04:20.752-08:00Ten 2007 Movies That Should've Sucked, But Didn't<center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/header1.jpg"></center><br /><b>10. SURF'S UP</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/surfsup.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were expecting:</b> An unwelcome continuation of the "penguin movie" fad, with a stupid documentary gimmick.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> An unexpectedly welcome continuation of the "penguin movie" fad, with a cool documentary gimmick.<br /><br /><br /><b>9. STARDUST</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/stardust.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were expecting:</b> Another blasé entry in the fantasy genre, hoping desperately to milk the success brought on by the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> A surprisingly fun adventure movie in the vein of "The Princess Bride".<br /><br /><br /><b>8. TMNT</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/tmnt.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were expecting:</b> A lame studio attempt at reinventing an old franchise for younger audiences.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> A nostalgic, action-packed throwback to everything that made the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles so much fun to begin with.<br /><br /><br /><b>7. THE SIMPSONS MOVIE</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/simpsonsmovie.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were expecting:</b> An unfunny big screen adaptation of a TV show that should've had a movie ten years ago.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> Hilarious.<br /><br /><br /><b>6. 28 WEEKS LATER</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/28weekslater.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were expecting:</b> A standard, lousy Hollywood sequel to a movie that’s reason for working so well was in large part thanks to its indie style.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> An inventive and well made action/horror thrill-ride. <br /><br /><br /><b>5. ENCHANTED</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/enchanted.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were expecting:</b> Disney garbage.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> Classic Disney.<br /><br /><br /><b>4. TRANSFORMERS</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/transformers.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were expecting:</b> Exactly what most movies based on toy lines would end up being... dog shit.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> An ultra-slick action extravaganza featuring robots beating the shit out of each other.<br /><br /><br /><b>3. LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/diehard4.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were expecting:</b> An unnecessary PG-13 sequel that’s only reason for existence is because Hollywood is running out of ideas.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> Totally fucking badass.<br /><br /><br /><b>2. DISTURBIA</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/disturbia.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were expecting:</b> A godawful teen-based "Rear Window" ripoff.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> Way more entertaining and well-made than it should've been.<br /><br /><br /><b>1. HAIRSPRAY</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007year/hairspray.jpg"></center><br /><b>What people were expecting:</b> Another turd from the director of "Cheaper by the Dozen 2" and "The Pacifier", this time featuring John Travolta in drag and an overload of bright colors.<br /><br /><b>What it turned out to be:</b> One of the most fun musicals in recent memory.<br /><br /><br /><br /><b>NOTE:</b> <i>These choices are based more on the reactions of audiences and critics than my own personal opinion.</i>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-68009151640613948812007-12-06T03:05:00.000-08:002008-01-08T12:25:59.892-08:00Atheists unite! Boycott "The Chronicles of Narnia"!<img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/goldencompass/compass_narnia.jpg"><br /><br />As an atheist, naturally I've always been highly offended by the religious "Chronicles of Narnia" series, but it wasn't until the boycotting of the upcoming "Golden Compass" film by Christians that it became clear to me just how offended I should actually be.<br /><br />I mean, really, just who do these religious people think they are, forcing their beliefs on us atheists? How dare they incorporate such themes into a work of fantasy adventure! Next thing you know our kids our going to go up to us and start asking what does it all mean, and if the viewpoints we enforce on them day after day may not be the only ones out there. It seems to me C.S. Lewis didn't realize just how susceptible children are to this spiritual mumbo jumbo. Shame on him.<br /><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/goldencompass/narnia.jpg"><br /><br />Think about it: if we allow these films to get made, there's obviously going to be a lot of advertising. It's easy to make sure your kids don't find about the books, because, c'mon, who the fuck actually reads? But films, that's a whole other story. I can't monitor what my children watch every day. That's like six hours of television! Within that amount of time, they're bound to find out about these films. And if I say they can't see them, they'll want to know why. What am I supposed to say? "They might give you the idea that free-thinking is OK"? Of course not. That's something you're supposed to blindly fight against without ever acknowledging; not have to explain to your kids so they can figure out that everything you attempt to embed in their brains isn't irrefutable fact.<br /><br />Then, if they somehow manage to see the films, the next logical step is obviously reading the books. Obscene! Free-thinking AND reading? That might actually encourage them to check out other novels, too, and pretty soon you'll be having a ton of kids developing a fresh view on things that haven't been passed down from previous generations of instilled beliefs. Does nobody see what's wrong with this?<br /><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/goldencompass/jesus.jpg" align="right">It disgusts me that I may one day have to raise a child in a world where they're encouraged to think outside the box, question the viewpoints of their parents, and <i>science forbid</i>, are free to make up their own minds about the existence of God. No, thank you. That's just not the world I want to live in.<br /><br />So it's with this that I propose we boycott the soon-to-be-released "Prince Caspian," the next film entry from the "Chronicles of Narnia" series. It's religious filth, and I think it's unacceptable that it's being allowed in theaters, where it's readily available to alter the minds of our children. That's supposed to be the parent's job. Let's keep it that way.quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-8218165713809189522007-10-19T01:44:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:25:43.367-08:00I'm going to kill myself.<object width="350" height="288"> <param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3dw6LD3UjgE"> </param> <embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3dw6LD3UjgE" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="350" height="288"> </embed> </object><br /><br />As if there wasn't reason enough to hate Hollywood, some fuckhead studio executive greenlit this. It's "Meet the Spartans," the latest parade of hilarity from the writers/directors of such wittily titled pictures as "Date Movie" and "Epic Movie."<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/spartans1.jpg"></center><br />Not even caps lock is capable of conveying just how strongly I feel about rounding up the filmmakers responsible for this film (specifically, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer) and ferociously beating their heads in with spike-covered mallets.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/spartans2.jpg"></center><br /><b>The concept:</b> a spoof of "300." Simple enough, and potentially funny if handled appropriately.<br /><br /><b>The execution:</b> a title that references a seven year old movie ("Meet the Parents"), jokes that have nothing to do with the film at hand, Spartans break dancing in a reference to "You Got Served" and "Stomp the Yard," a scene mocking Britney Spears (like she doesn't do that enough herself already), and Method Man... all of which is delivered in a way that quite literally rapes your brain cells with its horrifying stupidity.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/spartans3.jpg"></center><br />This is not a parody! This is not comedy! This is not even a real movie! And most of all, THIS IS NOT SPARTA!<br /><br />...OK, yeah, that joke was bad, but I feel even worse having just subjected you to that mind-numbingly atrocious preview. I actually feel worse than if it had been a video of goatse or tubgirl or something.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/spartans4.jpg"></center><br />To make up for it, here's an infinitely more funny parody of "300" that you've probably already seen:<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNqiSkd1M6k">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNqiSkd1M6k</a>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-53683459097072943012007-10-18T18:20:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:26:15.437-08:00The 6 Best Bruce Campbell Movies You'll Never See<center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/campbell_header.jpg"></center><br />When it comes to B-level movie actors, Bruce Campbell is not the reigning champ. You see, with his godly chin and unsurpassed smartass mentality, he's much too awe-inspiring a figure to be categorized by mere levels and letters.<br /><br />Of course, most people haven't yet discovered his greatness, the reason for which can be attributed solely to the blithering idiots in Hollywood suffering from the inability to remove their heads from their anuses. Because of this, we may never see the films that would ensure Bruce "The Chin" Campbell's place as the be-all and end-all cinema badass. These are those films.<br /><br /><br /><b>6. THE EVIL DEAD Remake</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/evildead.jpg"></center><br />"Evil Dead 2" was pretty much a remake of the first "Evil Dead" anyway. Why do we need another one?<br /><br />Fuck you, that's why.<br /><br />I'm not a big fan of all these remakes lately, but if there's one movie I wouldn't mind them redoing, it's "The Evil Dead." Imagine getting to see the origin of Ash, but with an actual budget and better costars. Imagine going to the theater and watching the cult classic we all love, but with an audience that has no idea what they're in for. Imagine the studios backing a movie featuring 'tree rape,' and the sequence actually getting past the censors. Well, stop imagining, because it's not gonna happen. And if it ever does, it will never be remade in the dementedly twisted way it deserves to be.<br /><br /><b>Potential awesomeness:</b> 7 out of 10 chainsaws<br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/chain7.jpg"><br /><b>Odds of it happening:</b> 4 out of 10 chins<br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/chin4.jpg"><br /><br /><br /><b>5. SPIDER-MAN 4</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/spidey4.jpg"></center><br />The rumor that Bruce Campbell would play the next Spidey villain, Mysterio, started with "Spider-Man 3." Word on the street was it would just be a cameo, and that he'd be expanded in the next film as a central foe.<br /><br />The cameo never happened.<br /><br />What does that mean for Mysterio in the next Spider-Man film? Nobody knows for sure. But with comments that Sam Raimi, Tobey Maguire, and others may not even be returning for another outing, and that the studios may just reboot the franchise instead, it's all a little disheartening. If there's one person who would let Campbell do his thing, it's Raimi. Now, we may never get to see that happen.<br /><br /><b>Potential awesomeness:</b> 7 out of 10 chainsaws<br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/chain7.jpg"><br /><b>Odds of it happening (with Bruce):</b> 3 out of 10 chins<br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/chin3.jpg"><br /><br /><br /><b>4. MY NAME IS BRUCE</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/mynameisbruce.jpg"></center><br />To be fair, you will eventually get the chance to see this movie (since it's already been made). You won't, however, get to see the movie it should've been.<br /><br />The premise is genius: after being mistaken for his character Ash from the "Evil Dead" trilogy, actor Bruce Campbell finds him forced to fight real monsters in a small Oregon town. Anybody who doesn't get chills from reading that synopsis is not a real B-movie fan.<br /><br />Now then, here's why it will sadly disappoint:<br /><ul><li><b>It's directed by Bruce Campbell.</b> I may love the actor, but anybody who's seen "Man with the Screaming Brain" would agree his directorial skills leave something to be desired. There's only one man who should be directing this film, and that's Sam Raimi. <br /><li><b>The budget is only $1.5 million.</b> Budget may not mean everything ("The Evil Dead" only cost $350,000), but Campbell had a $2 million price tag on "Man with the Screaming Brain" and the thing looked like it cost no more than 20 bucks and some pocket lint.<br /><li><b>No studio has picked it up.</b> This means we can expect a straight-to-DVD release, which is certainly not a sign of high quality. Then again, "Idiocracy" went straight-to-DVD, too. Hmm.<br /><li><b>Early reviews have not been flattering.</b> For the most part, word of mouth has been positive, but it's more along the lines of, "Yeah, it's a pretty fun movie." And to be honest, I want more than just a "pretty fun" movie.<br /></ul><br />I'm crossing my fingers anyway though. As a loyal Bruce Campbell fan, I'll still be buying the film. Even if it sucks.<br /><br /><b>Potential awesomeness (if it had been made the way it should've been):</b> 9 out of 10 chainsaws<br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/chain9.jpg"><br /><b>Odds of it happening:</b> 10 out of 10 chins<br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/chin10.jpg"><br /><br /><br /><b>3. BUBBA NOSFERATU AND THE CURSE OF THE SHE-VAMPIRES</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/bubba.jpg"></center><br />This one really stings. As it turns out, the movie's still happening... just not with Bruce. Due to "creative differences" between Campbell and director Don Coscarelli (wait, it's not the studio's fault this time?), he has dropped from the production, and Coscarelli is looking for a replacement. Well, fuck that! If Campbell's not going to be Elvis, I don't even care anymore. I'd rather they didn't even make the damn thing.<br /><br />What sucks even more about this is that Paul Giamatti was going to costar as Campbell's evil boss. Plus, the film's set in Vegas, and it's got she-vampires. Fuckin' she-vampires! How could you possibly have creative differences when your movie's got Elvis duking it out with <i>she-vampires</i>?<br /><br /><b>Potential awesomeness:</b> 8 out of 10 chainsaws<br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/chain8.jpg"><br /><b>Odds of it happening (with Bruce):</b> 1 out of 10 chins<br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/chin1.jpg"><br /><br /><br /><b>2. FREDDY VS. JASON VS. ASH</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/freddyvsash.jpg"></center><br />This was more of a fanboy dream than a real possibility to begin with, but c'mon! Think of the potential!<br /><br />Freddy can enter and kill you in your dreams, has metal-clawed leather gloves, and wears a bitchin' fedora. Jason is a lumbering, unstoppable killing machine with one huge-ass machete. But Ash? He's the king, baby. He's got class. He's got style. He's got a chainsaw for a hand, a boomstick on his back, and snappy one-liners galore. Freddy and Jason are mere bitches in comparison.<br /><br />If this movie got made, the only possible way to fuck it up would be to have Bruce wearing a tutu while Freddy and Jason got their nails done at a beauty parlor or something. Short of that, nothing could make this movie suck... if it ever got made, that is. Which it won't.<br /><br />Now excuse me while I go cry.<br /><br /><b>Potential awesomeness:</b> 10 out of 10 chainsaws<br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/chain10.jpg"><br /><b>Odds of it happening:</b> 0 out of 10 chins<br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/chin0.jpg"><br /><br /><br /><b>1. EVIL DEAD 4</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/evildead4.jpg"></center><br />Fuck it, I don't need another remake. I just need more Ash. For the love of god, give me another adventure with Ash! Sam Raimi proved he's still got what it takes to make gloriously schlocky horror movie camp with that hospital scene in "Spider-Man 2," so now all he needs to do is focus that energy into one last outing with Bruce, and all will be well in the world.<br /><br />Please. Do it for me. Do it for the people who continue to go to late night showings of the original trilogy. Do it for the people who went to the Bruce Campbell book signing of "If Chins Could Kill," and wasted money on "Man with the Screaming Brain." Do it for the people who bought every single fucking edition of the "Evil Dead" films that the studios continue to churn out (and for the suckers who will even buy the upcoming 3-Disc Ultimate Edition, like me).<br /><br />Please. Do it for all of us.<br /><br /><b>Potential awesomeness:</b> 9 out of 10 chainsaws<br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/chain9.jpg"><br /><b>Odds of it happening:</b> 5 out of 10 chins<br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/chin5.jpg"><br /><br /><br /><b>BONUS PICK - DARKMAN</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/brucecampbell/darkman.jpg"></center><br />This flick hit theaters almost 20 years back, and quite frankly, was pretty damn awesome. Only one problem: where was Bruce? He actually does appear toward the end of the film in a very minor role, but he was originally supposed to be Darkman! Liam Neeson is a great actor and all, and he did solid work in the role, but every time I watch this film I can't help but wonder how much cooler it would've been had The Chin been in the starring role. (You can once again blame the studio for that one, by the way. They didn't think Campbell could carry the role, and said his name wasn't marketable enough. Bunch of douchebags.)quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-7578292643710000622007-09-15T11:16:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:26:33.158-08:00It looks so real!CGI has certainly come a long way.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.thekratsite.com/blog/dragonwars.jpg">quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-59903058825254018822007-09-03T14:54:00.000-07:002007-10-19T11:18:51.608-07:00The 2007 Summer Movie Awards<center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/summer_movies_header.jpg"></center><br />Sit back, relax, and slowly realize what a sucker you were for wasting all that money on the never-ending stream of shit films that came out these past few months. It's The 2007 Summer Movie Awards: an award ceremony so grand, all of the categories are in caps.<br /><br /><b>BEST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/knocked_super.jpg"><br />(TIE)</center><br /><b>Knocked Up</b> and <b>Superbad</b> - Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen make a better match than K-Fed and burger flipping. Uwe Boll and the Razzies. Paris Hilton and herpes. Jessica Alba and my cock.<br /><br /><br /><b>BEST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER NOT FROM JUDD APATOW:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/ratatouille.jpg"></center><br /><b>Ratatouille</b> - Brad Bird and Pixar do it again, somehow. When a movie revolves around cooking and rats, you don't usually expect this kind of brilliance.<br /><br /><br /><b>BEST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER FEATURING GIANT ROBOTS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/transformers.jpg"></center><br /><b>Transformers</b> - It was a hard choice, but after much deliberation, this film came out on top.<br /><br /><br /><b>WORST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/licensetowed.jpg"></center><br /><b>License to Wed</b> - Read the review <a href="http://quigs.blogspot.com/2007/07/review-license-to-wed.html">HERE</a>. Or better yet, don't. The less said about this film the better.<br /><br /><br /><b>BIGGEST SURPRISE:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/hairspray.jpg"></center><br /><b>Hairspray</b> - Seeing as how it features John Travolta in a fat suit (looking even more grotesque than he did in "Battlefield Earth") AND it's from the director of "The Pacifier" and "Cheaper by the Dozen 2", the fact that it didn't turn out horrendously is a pretty damn big surprise.<br /><br /><br /><b>MOST IGNORANT, HYPOCRITICAL, AND UNFUNNY PIECE OF SHIT OF THE SUMMER:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/chuck_larry.jpg"></center><br /><b>I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry</b> - It's not homophobic or offensive, just ignorant. And totally unfunny.<br /><br />The script feels like it was written by a five-year-old. One that's talented enough to know the basic three-act structure, but dumb enough to assume all gays go to lavishly fruity homo-parties where they dress up as fairies and prance around. That's the kind of movie this is.<br /><br /><br /><b>MOST REDEEMING QUALITY ABOUT ANY MOVIE:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/biel_ass1.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/biel_ass2.jpg"></center><br /><b>Jessica Biel's ass</b> in "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" - Enough to make gay men go straight.<br /><br /><br /><b>LEAST REDEEMING QUALITY ABOUT ANY MOVIE:</b><br /><br /><b>Bumblebee imitating R. Kelly</b> in "Transformers"<br /><br /><object width="350" height="288"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/29ScsnwZynw"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/29ScsnwZynw" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="350" height="288"></embed></object><br /><br /><br /><b>MOST UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS FILM:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/killedme.jpg"></center><br /><b>I Know Who Killed Me</b> - This amazing masterpiece of a movie is a staggeringly deep exploration of everything that is blue - blue roses, blue light, blue fades... even the people are blue at times. And as you very well know, any film that has an emphasized color in it is automatically meaningful. But just in case that's not enough to convince you, this movie also has RED. Baam! Now what mother fucker? You can't even handle the symbolic wonder featured in this destined to be an Academy Award winning classic!<br /><br /><br /><b>MOST PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A KIDS FILM:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/daddy_bratz.jpg"><br />(TIE)</center><br /><b>Daddy Day Camp</b> and <b>Bratz</b> - Movies like this should end with a phone number to a suicide hotline.<br /><br /><br /><b>BIGGEST ACTING COMEBACK:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/johncusack.jpg"></center><br /><b>John Cusack</b> in "1408" - He may be an asshole in real life, but damn is he one charming son of a bitch on film.<br /><br /><br /><b>MOST LAUGHABLE ACTING NON-COMEBACK:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/christucker.jpg"></center><br /><b>Chris Tucker</b> in "Rush Hour 3: Back in Black... and Yelling a Lot" - DO YOU UNDERSTAN' DA WORDS DAT ARE COMIN' OUT OVA MAH MOUV?<br /><br /><br /><b>HOLLYWOOD'S HOTTEST NEW COMMODITY:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/shialabeouf.jpg"></center><br /><b>Shia LaBeouf</b> - He's starred in three big films this year, and two of them featured him macking on Megan Fox and Sarah Roemer... with his tongue. And now, he's playing Indy's son. Is life fair or what?<br /><br /><b>Runner-Up:</b> Judd Apatow was a close second, but he already received wide acclaim after "The 40 Year Old Virgin". So don't bitch.<br /><br /><br /><b>THE EMO AWARD:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/spidey_emo1.jpg"></center><br /><b>The candidates...</b><br />Harry Potter (<i>Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix</i>)<br />Peter Parker (<i>Spider-Man 3</i>)<br />Mike Enslin (<i>1408</i>)<br />Jack Sparrow (<i>Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End</i>)<br />Nick Hume (<i>Death Sentence</i>)<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/spidey_emo2.jpg"></center><br /><b>The winner...</b><br />Peter Parker (<i>Spider-Man 3</i>) - Is there even any debate here?<br /><br /><br /><b>WORST DANCING OF THE SUMMER:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/spidey_dance.gif"></center><br /><b>Spider-Man 3</b><br /><br /><object width="350" height="288"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/064wtsRzh60"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/064wtsRzh60" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="350" height="288"></embed></object><br /><br /><b>Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer</b><br /><br /><object width="350" height="288"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/mJBXG4IowaA"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/mJBXG4IowaA" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="350" height="288"></embed></object><br /><br /><br /><b>SHITTIEST THREEQUEL OF THE SUMMER:</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/2007summer/spidey3_header.jpg"></center><br /><b>The candidates...</b><br />Spider-Man 3<br />Shrek 3<br />Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End<br />Ocean's Thirteen<br />Rush Hour 3<br /><br /><b>The winner...</b><br />All of them.<br /><br />...except for "Spider-Man 3", which apparently I was the only person on the planet that liked (even with all its flaws). Sue me.<br /><br /><br /><b>Complimentary Award for Movies That Weren't Sequels, Remakes, or Adaptations (...and at the same time, managed to not totally suck):</b><br /><br />Waitress<br />Once<br />Severance<br />Paprika<br />Knocked Up<br />Mr. Brooks<br />Surf's Up<br />You Kill Me<br />Ratatouille<br />Joshua<br />Sunshine<br />Hot Rod<br />Superbad<br />Death at a Funeral<br /><br />So out of the 70+ movies that came out this summer, only about 14 of the good ones weren't based on previous works. And only 8 of those had wide releases, meaning only a very small portion of the world could see them. So that makes an estimate total of 6 quality, original, widely released movies this summer. Glorious. See you next summer.quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-58623383458632143732007-09-02T15:35:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:26:59.970-08:00It's a trap.<a href="http://thekratsite.com/blog/saw4_poster.jpg"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/saw4_poster_small.jpg" border="0"></a><br /><br /><center>(Original Poster: <a href="http://www.joblo.com/saw-iv-poster">joblo.com/saw-iv-poster</a>)</center>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-74718207439722514902007-08-13T05:11:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:27:25.427-08:00Ten Oscar Winning Actors That Need Their Statuettes Revoked<center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/header.jpg"></center><br />Ah yes, the Academy Awards. Such a prestigious honor, reserved only for the most dignified and distinguished faces in show business. Of course, they would hold a lot more merit if some of the winning actors didn't turn the show into a total mockery with their subsequent career choices. C'mon now people, the Oscars are the closest thing we have to reputable film awards. If we don't have that, then all we've got are the Golden Globes, or god forbid... the MTV Movie Awards. *shudder*<br /><br />So with that said, here are the ten most notorious contenders for sullying the Academy Awards' name. (Well, more than it has been already.)<br /><br /><br /><b>10. Robert De Niro</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/robertdeniro.jpg"></center><br /><b>Got the Oscar for:</b><br /><ul><li>The Godfather: Part II<br /><li>Raging Bull</ul><br /><b>Needs it taken away for:</b><br /><ul><li>The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle<br /><li>Showtime<br /><li>Analyze That<br /><li>Hide and Seek<br /><li>Godsend<br /><li>Meet the Fockers<br /><li>15 Minutes</ul><br />Before you jump down my throat, allow me to explain myself. There's a huge difference between Robert De Niro the "actor" and Robert De Niro the "comedian". I appreciate that he's one of the seminal actors of our time, but after "The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle", his career went straight to hell. A man that once had his resume filled with movies like "Goodfellas", "The Deer Hunter", "Heat", "Raging Bull", and "Taxi Driver", was suddenly mugging for the camera in awful comedies like "Showtime" and "Analyze That". Oh please, say it ain't so.<br /><br />More disappointingly, once he started doing comedy, even his dramatic roles took a turn for the worst. He became... dull. Did anybody see "Hide & Seek"? The guy looked half-asleep for its entire duration. A pair of shoes could've out-acted him. That, and the film sucked.<br /><br />Will we ever get back the Robert De Niro that was once so loved? I can only hope.<br /><br /><br /><b>9. JEREMY IRONS</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/jeremyirons.jpg"></center><br /><b>Got the Oscar for:</b><br /><ul><li>Reversal of Fortune</ul><br /><b>Needs it taken away for:</b> <br /><ul><li>Dungeons & Dragons<br /><li>Eragon</ul><br />You'd think after the guy played one of the worst villains of all time in one of the worst movies of all time, "Dungeons & Dragons", he'd learn to steer clear of anything involving those fire-breathing (and career-destroying) beasts. Fuck, I'm pretty sure that's a default reaction for ALL actors, since the closest thing we've ever had to a decent dragon movie was the mediocre "Reign of Fire".<br /><br />Mr. Irons, I can forgive you for the first fuck up, but after "Eragon"... you're on your own.<br /><br /><br /><b>8. MICHAEL DOUGLAS</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/michaeldouglas.jpg"></center><br /><b>Got the Oscar for:</b><br /><ul><li>Wall Street</ul><br /><b>Needs it taken away for:</b><br /><ul><li>The In-Laws<br /><li>It Runs in the Family<br /><li>Don't Say a Word<br /><li>The Sentinel<br /><li>One Night at McCool's<br /><li>You, Me and Dupree</ul><br />It's easy to envy Michael Douglas for being able to tap <a href="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/catherinezetajones.jpg">THIS</a> every day, but it's hard to envy where his career has gone. Since 2000's "Traffic", the guy hasn't made a single good movie. Six films. All of them shit. That's gotta be some kind of record, especially for somebody of his caliber. It seems that Mr. Bobby De Niro isn't the only actor to suffer from "Hey, I wan't to be a comedian now!" syndrome.<br /><br /><br /><b>7. BEN KINGSLEY</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/benkingsley.jpg"></center><br /><b>Got the Oscar for:</b><br /><ul><li>Gandhi</ul><br /><b>Needs it taken away for:</b><br /><ul><li>BloodRayne<br /><li>A Sound of Thunder<br /><li>Thunderbirds<br /><li>Species<br /><li>What Planet Are You From?</ul><br />It amazes me that Uwe Boll can officially state he's had an Academy Award winning actor star in one of his films. Even more amazing is that said actor happens to be the brilliantly talented Ben Kingsley. Somebody really needs to fire their agent. Either that, or Ben is just fond of playing ridiculously over-the-top baddies that look so goofy, they'd give the villainous Zorg from "The Fifth Element" a run for his money.<br /><br />But don't take my word for it, see for yourself:<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/benkingsley2.jpg"></center><br />Yikes.<br /><br /><br /><b>6. NICOLAS CAGE</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/nicolascage.jpg"></center><br /><b>Got the Oscar for:</b><br /><ul><li>Leaving Las Vegas</ul><br /><b>Needs it taken away for:</b><br /><ul><li>The Wicker Man<br /><li>Ghost Rider<br /><li>Next<br /><li>Con Air<br /><li>Gone in Sixty Seconds</ul><br />Between 2002 and 2005, Nicolas Cage made four of the best films of their respective years: "Adaptation", "The Weather Man", "Matchstick Men", and "Lord of War". And in his infinite wisdom, he decided to follow up those choices with three of the worst: "The Wicker Man", "Ghost Rider", and "Next". Now whenever I go back to try and appreciate the excellence of those first four movies (as well as some of the others he's done), I find myself unable to watch him while keeping a straight face. All I can think about is his performance as Johnny Blaze, the worst Elvis impersonator on earth. And then of course, there's "The Wicker Man"...<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/nicolascage2.jpg"></center><br />You know, on second thought, let's not even go there.<br /><br /><br /><b>5. JON VOIGHT</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/jonvoight.jpg"></center><br /><b>Got the Oscar for:</b><br /><ul><li>Coming Home</ul><br /><b>Needs it taken away for:</b><br /><ul><li>Bratz: The Movie<br /><li>SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2<br /><li>The Karate Dog<br /><li>Transformers<br /><li>Anaconda<br /><li>Most Wanted</ul><br />Whatever shred of dignity Jon Voight had left after "SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2", the recently released live-action "Bratz" movie has officially obliterated it.<br /><br />Jon Voight has always had an on-and-off career, with the occasional solid movie helping to prove his worth as an actor. But, there's a pretty fine line between having a good acting resume and having a bad one; if "<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0270882/">The Karate Dog</a>" is on your resume, I can promise you're nowhere near it.<br /><br /><br /><b>4. ROBIN WILLIAMS</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/robinwilliams.jpg"></center><br /><b>Got the Oscar for:</b><br /><ul><li>Good Will Hunting</ul><br /><b>Needs it taken away for:</b><br /><ul><li>License to Wed<br /><li>RV<br /><li>Night at the Museum<br /><li>Patch Adams<br /><li>Flubber</ul><br />Robin Williams has become so unfunny, he's regressed to the point where I've started questioning why I even found him funny to begin with. This was especially evident while watching "License to Wed", a prime candidate for the worst film of 2007. I also think it marked the first time I've ever felt such ruthlessly sadistic hatred for a man of the cloth. The only thing keeping me from simultaneously storming out of the theater while flipping my friends the bird for having me sit through that garbage, was the oh-so-desperate hope of seeing Williams getting a fist placed firmly in his face. When John Krasinski threw out that punch near the end, and Robin Williams went tumbling backwards, I burst into raucous applause. It may have been staged, but goddamn, just the thought of it being real was satisfying enough.<br /><br /><br /><b>3. WHOOPI GOLDBERG</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/whoopi.jpg"></center><br /><b>Got the Oscar for:</b><br /><ul><li>Ghost</ul><br /><b>Needs it taken away for:</b><br /><ul><li>Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit<br /><li>Theodore Rex<br /><li>How Stella Got Her Groove Back<br /><li>Made in America<br /><li>Eddie<br /><li>Bogus<br /><li>All of her TV shit...</ul><br />If I even need to explain this one to you, then you've never seen "Hollywood Squares".<br /><br /><br /><b>2. HALLE BERRY</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/halleberry.jpg"></center><br /><b>Got the Oscar for:</b><br /><ul><li>Monster's Ball</ul><br /><b>Needs it taken away for:</b><br /><ul><li>Catwoman<br /><li>Perfect Stranger<br /><li>Gothika<br /><li>Die Another Day<br /><li>Swordfish<br /><li>X-Men: The Last Stand</ul><br />The immediate year following her Oscar win with "Monster's Ball", Halle Berry won the Razzie for Worst Actress with "Catwoman". She gets major cool points for actually showing up to accept the award (even going as far as to mock her Oscar speech from the year prior), but that doesn't come close to making up for the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmjyV2Z7wLw">film itself</a>. It also doesn't make up for the fact that she's just never been that good of an actress, delivering about 1 good performance for every 25 bad. So as long as she chugs out another 25 films as quickly as possibly over the next ten years, there's at least one other gem bound to pop up... right?<br /><br />Feel free to hold your breath.<br /><br /><br /><b>1. CUBA GOODING JR.</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/oscars/cubagooding.jpg"></center><br /><b>Got the Oscar for:</b><br /><ul><li>Jerry Maguire</ul><br /><b>Needs it taken away for:</b><br /><ul><li>Daddy Day Camp<br /><li>Snow Dogs<br /><li>Boat Trip<br /><li>Norbit<br /><li>Chill Factor<br /><li>Rat Race<br /><li>All of his straight-to-DVD crap...</ul><br />Here he is. The man that inspired this list. It's sad really; he began his career so promisingly, only to have it repeatedly plummet into the depths of acting hell.<br /><br />Not only is he now picking up the scraps of another was-once-great-but-is-now-shit actor's roles (that being, Eddie Murphy's character from "Daddy Day Care"), but he's doing it under the direction of Fred fucking Savage, the kid from "The Wonder Years".<br /><br />Like Robert De Niro and Michael Douglas before him, comedies have made a joke out of Cuba Gooding Jr... And not the kind of joke where you're laughing with him.<br /><br />However, unlike De Niro or Douglas, Cuba's chances of recovery are almost zero. You don't make something like "Daddy Day Camp" right before your next big break; you make it on your acting career deathbed, with heart failure imminent upon the film's release. And with this past Wednesday, you could hear Cuba's going into arrest from well over half the country away. Rest in peace, man, rest in peace.<br /><br /><br /><b>Dishonorable Mention:</b> Hilary Swank — The Reaping? The Core? The Black Dahlia? You have two Oscars, babe. Start acting like it.quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-30849137530961009152007-08-10T18:59:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:28:27.618-08:00Bloodrayne 2 has smart advertising.Oh boy, Bloodrayne 2 is coming out soon! I'm psyched! Even more exciting than that though, is their amazing promo page...<br /><br /><center><i>(Click to enlarge)</i><br /><a href="http://thekratsite.com/blog/bloodrayne2_2.jpg"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/bloodrayne2_small1.jpg" border="0"></a></center><br />Hmmm. Let's take a closer look.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/bloodrayne2_small2.jpg" border="0"></center><br />There's no fucking wa- Hey, what's that asterisk for?<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/bloodrayne2_small3.jpg" border="0"></center><br />Oh. Wow. That's just... sad.<br /><br /><i>Thanks to Brett Arnold for the heads up!</i>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-8976969415603626872007-08-09T02:00:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:28:37.493-08:00The Ten Most Obnoxiously Overquoted Movies<center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/overquoted/header.jpg"></center><br />Nothing makes a great movie suck like people quoting it day in and day out for months at a time. It's the go-to route used by individuals who aren't clever enough to come up with their own material, made worse by them thinking (thanks to the select few that laughed at their referencing) they've suddenly become the most hilarious stand-up comedian since George Carlin. Hey dipshit - they were laughing at the actual line, not your "sensational" joke-telling abilities. In fact, you probably butchered it. It was a sympathy laugh. They all secretly hate you. You're considered one big fucking joke. Even your psychiatrist thinks you should kill yourself. Also, your wife/girlfriend/hand is cheating on you.<br /><br />And all because you wouldn't stop quoting movies like these...<br /><br /><b>10. OFFICE SPACE</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/overquoted/officespace.jpg"></center><br />These three characters in "Office Space" are hilarious, but lets be honest, they're also unlikable and annoying. So just when you think there's nothing more aggravating than people quoting the same fucking movie over and over, this movie becomes popular and now people are quoting three alternatively irritating characters from the same fucking movie over and over. Meanwhile, I just stand back, stare aggressively, and clench my fist, waiting for the right moment to go postal and start shouting, "I'll show you a fucking O-face, you cocksucking motherfucker!!" I have learned the courtrooms are not fond of this response.<br /><br /><b>Other overused quotes:</b> <br /><ul><li><i>"If things go well I might be showing her my O-face. 'Oh... Oh... Oh!' You know what I'm talkin' about. 'Oh!'"</i><br /><li><i>"Sounds like somebody's having a case of the Mondays."</i><br /><li><i>"So, Peter, what's happening? Aahh, now, are you going to go ahead and have those TPS reports for us this afternoon?"</i><br /><li><i>"Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler..."</i><br /><li><i>"'PC Load Letter'? What the fuck does that mean?"</i><br /><li><i>"I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man."</i><br /><li><i>"Did you get that memo?"</i></ul><br /><br /><br /><b>9. MONTY PYTHON (all of them)</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/overquoted/montypython.jpg"></center><br />Yes, actually, I did expect the Spanish Inquisition. Maybe if you didn't use the quote so goddamn much, I wouldn't have.<br /><br /><b>Other overused quotes:</b><br /><ul><li><i>"I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."</i><br /><li><i>"It's just a flesh wound."</i><br /><li><i>"We are the knights who say... NI!"</i><br /><li><i>"What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"</i></ul><br /><br /><br /><b>8. WEDDING CRASHERS</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/overquoted/weddingcrashers.jpg"></center><br />I'm going to conduct a test to see whether or not you're qualified to quote "Wedding Crashers".<br /><br />Part 1: Do something that's as funny as this...<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/overquoted/motorboat.gif"></center><br />Oh, too bad. You already failed.<br /><br /><b>Other overused quotes:</b> <br /><ul><li><i>"What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? You motorboatin' son of a bitch! You old sailor you!"</i><br /><li><i>"I don't even know what the fuck a quail is!"</i><br /><li><i>"Mom! The meat loaf! Fuck!"</i><br /><li><i>"Are you kidding me? I love crab cakes! They're phenomenal!"</i><br /><li><i>"I felt like Jodie Foster in "The Accused" last night."</i><br /><li><i>"You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!"</i></ul><br /><br /><br /><b>7. Anything with SAMUEL L. JACKSON</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/overquoted/samjackson.jpg"></center><br />I think we can all agree, Samuel L. Jackson is the baddest motherfucker alive. His ability of taking an otherwise mundane sentence and injecting it with a level of such ferocity is incredible. And it's all thanks to two little words. If used incorrectly though, those two little words can be deadly to a movie buff's ears. They can turn something that was once completely badass into something that is, quite frankly, completely gay. This gayness stems from an inability to capture the awesomeness that is Sam "the mutha fuckin' man" Jackson. Think you're up to the task? You're not. Don't even bother trying. You'll just fail at it like you do everything else in life. Motherfucker.<br /><br /><b>Other overused quotes:</b> <br /><ul><li><i>"Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker! Say what one more goddamn time!"</i><br /><li><i>"English, MOTHERFUCKER! Do-you-speak it?"</i><br /><li><i>"I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"</i><br /><li><i>"AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes."</i><br /><li><i>"Hey, all brothers don't know how to use guns, you racist motherfucker."</i><br /><li><i>"Oh now that's low, even for a white motherfucker like you."</i></ul><br /><br /><br /><b>6. THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/overquoted/40yroldvirgin.jpg"></center><br />You know how I know you're gay? Because you won't stop quoting the same fucking joke over and over again.<br /><br /><b>Other overused quotes:</b> <br /><ul><li><i>"She was a ho... for sho."</i><br /><li><i>"AHHH, Kelly Clarkson!"</i><br /><li><i>"You know how I know that you're gay? You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says, 'I love it when balls are in my face'."</i><br /><li><i>"I'm starvin'... let's get some fuckin' french toast!"</i><br /><li><i>"You're puttin' the pussy on a pedestal."</i></ul><br /><br /><br /><b>5. ANCHORMAN</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/overquoted/anchorman.jpg"></center><br />"Great Poseidon's trident of racial injustice!"<br />"By the ball sweat of Hades' dank nether regions!"<br />"Holy man-dolphins of the Utah state tax commission!"<br /><br />See? I can do it too. It's not that hard to come up with your own variations of Will Ferrell schtick. You just have to be as random as possible and end almost everything with an exclamation point.<br /><br />For example, if you were at a party and the keg ran out, you could say (in the most Ferrell-like voice you have), "This alcoholic beverage has been a temptress to my taste buds, and now she's abandoned me for her brother-in-law like the pirate whore she is. Oh cruel irony! Why must you encompass my love in such rainbow-shaped bowls of heartache and frustration!?"<br /><br />Or, you could choose not to look like a jackass. Just stop imitating him full stop. He may be funny when he does it, but you're not.<br /><br /><b>Other overused quotes:</b> <br /><ul><li><i>"I'm in a glass case of emotion!"</i><br /><li><i>"I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly..."</i><br /><li><i>"You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair."</i><br /><li><i>"It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way."</i><br /><li><i>"I ate a big red candle!"</i><br /><li><i>"I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party. The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with the pants."</i><br /><li><i>"Loud noises!"</i><br /><li><i>"I love lamp."</i></ul><br /><br /><br /><b>4. The AUSTIN POWERS Series</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/overquoted/austinpowers.jpg"></center><br />This one has been especially painful to endure, because finding ways to contribute "Yeah, baby!" to a conversation is quite possibly the easiest thing in the world. Thus, even the dumbest of the dumb were doing it. The context didn't even matter. If somebody said something you agreed with, a piss-poor imitation of Mike Myers would follow.<br /><br />This was made even more popular because it allowed people to narrowly escape looking like a fool by changing an intelligent conversation into a "humorous" one. For example...<br /><br />Smart Person #1: I find the latest news of this injustice egregiously underdeveloped.<br />Smart Person #2: Quite right. The esoteric nature of the crimes leads me to believe the government is creating a factually false pretense intended to elude the citizens.<br />Smart Person #1: How about you, what are your thoughts on the matter?<br />You: ...uhh... Yeah, baby, yeah!<br /><br />This of course would then lead to outbursts of laughter from everyone around you, as the topic would quickly change into a discussion about your amazing comical prowess and undeniable wit. Success!<br /><br />(Note: I apologize on behalf on my poorly constructed "smart person" talk. I just strung a bunch of words I looked up in the thesaurus together in hopes of forming something remotely intellectual-sounding. I don't even know if what I wrote makes any sense.)<br /><br /><b>Other overused quotes:</b> <br /><ul><li><i>"Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?"</i><br /><li><i>"I demand the sum of... ONE MILLION DOLLARS."</i><br /><li><i>"Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?"</i><br /><li><i>"Who throws a shoe? Honestly! You fight like a woman!"</i><br /><li><i>"Zip it!"</i><br /><li><i>"Well, listen up, sonny Jim: I ate a baby. Oh, aye, Baby: the other, other white meat. Baby: it's what's for dinner."</i><br /><li><i>"I'm dead sexy."</i></ul><br /><br /><br /><b>3. BORAT</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/overquoted/borat.jpg"></center><br />Is your name Sacha Baron Cohen? No?<br />THEN SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH.<br /><br /><b>Other overused quotes:</b> <br /><ul><li><i>"My name-a Borat. I like you. I like sex. Is nice!"</i><br /><li><i>"I like to make sexy time!"</i><br /><li><i>"This suit is NOT BLACK!"</i><br /><li><i>"Do this have a pussy magnet?"</i><br /><li><i>"What's up with it, vanilla face?"</i><br /><li><i>"Gypsy! Give me your tears! If you will not give them to me, I will take them from you!"</i></ul><br /><br /><br /><b>2. NAPOLEON DYNAMITE</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/overquoted/napoleon.jpg"></center><br />This movie could've earned itself a nice little cult following among respectable movie buffs. Instead, thanks to Hot Topic and douchebag teeny boppers, it will forever be known as the film that led to countless beatings on the playgrounds against bandwagon hopping bitches who wore "Vote for Pedro" shirts and would never shut the fuck up about num-chucks and tater tots. If you were one of those kids, kindly fuck off. You're not allowed to read my blog anymore.<br /><br />No seriously, go away.<br /><br /><b>Other overused quotes:</b> <br /><ul><li><i>"You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills."</i><br /><li><i>"Do the chickens have large talons?"</i><br /><li><i>"Don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day."</i><br /><li><i>"A freakin' 12-gauge, what do you think?"</i><br /><li><i>"A liger. It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed."</i><br /><li><i>"I caught you a delicious bass."</i></ul><br /><br /><br /><b>1. 300</b><br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/overquoted/300.jpg"></center><br />It was funny when the trailer came out. It was funny when the movie hit theaters. It was still pretty funny about a month after that. But for fuck's sake, it's been almost a year! <br /><br />GIVE IT A REST ALREADY. Honestly, this is MADNESS!<br /><br /><br />(...Don't you dare fucking say it... I will <i>kill</i> you.)<br /><br /><b>Other overused quotes:</b> <br /><ul><li><i>"Tonight, we dine in hell!"</i><br /><li><i>"Give them nothing! But take from them, everything!"</i><br /><li><i>"MORE AGGRESSIVE YELLING. RAWR."</i></ul>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com518tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-15283431657450244302007-07-31T15:05:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:28:44.588-08:00Screw Fox, or: "Sunshine" bombed, and it's all your fault!I didn't have expectations for "Sunshine", one of my most awaited movies of the summer, to break any box office records this past weekend. But holy Moses on a pogo stick, I never expected it to do this awful!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/boxoffice_sunshine.jpg"></center><br />Obviously "The Simpsons Movie" was guaranteed to take up a chunk of the box office total, and I'm happy it did so well (while being simultaneously happy that "I Know Who Killed Me" bombed so terribly). But what the fuck? "Sunshine" didn't even make the top ten?!<br /><br />What is wrong with people??<br /><br />Or better yet, WHAT IS WRONG WITH FOX?????<br /><br /><b>Note:</b> You can tell I mean business because I used caps and multiple question marks. I'm fucking hardcore like that.<br /><br />After a pathetic 10 theater limited opening, and the proceeding (equally pathetic) 400 theater wide release, it seemed the incredibly talented Danny Boyle was getting shunned once again in the U.S. "That's ok," I thought. "After the success of '28 Days Later', he's sure to find an audience. Plus, the film had a <a href="http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox_searchlight/sunshine/trailera/">kickass trailer</a>, filled with stunning visuals like these..."<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_pic1.jpg"></center><br />C'mon now. That's fucking beautiful. What else do people need? A good story? Yeah, you do?<br /><br />Read it and weep!<br /><br /><i>Fifty years from now, the sun is dying, and mankind is dying with it. Our last hope: a spaceship and a crew of eight men and women. They carry a device which will breathe new life into the star. But deep into their voyage, out of radio contact with Earth, their mission is starting to unravel.</i><br /><br />Reigniting the goddamn sun. Doesn't get much cooler than that. What, that doesn't satisfy you? You want good actors too?<br /><br />Baam! You got 'em!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_cast1.jpg"> <img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_cast2.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_cast3.jpg"> <img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_cast4.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_cast5.jpg"> <img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_cast6.jpg"></center><br />Aside from Cillian Murphy and Chris Evans, you may not be entirely familiar with these actors' work, but I can guarantee you've seen them before (even if you can't pinpoint exactly where). Rest assured, they're very talented.<br /><br />Not enough for you?<br /><br />Here. Have some more screenshots.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_pic2.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_pic3.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_pic4.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_pic5.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_pic6.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_pic7.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_pic8.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/sunshine/sunshine_pic9.jpg"></center><br />If you want to be even more impressed, go see the movie. It's one of the best sci-fi flicks since 2001, and has some of the most breathtaking visuals I've ever seen put on film. It's also got about half a dozen thrilling action sequences, so prepare to have your ass kicked all over the theater (in the best way possible).<br /><br />But whatever you do, DO NOT check out the latest disaster of Fox's marketing campaign. If you've already seen the film, feel free to grimace in disgust at the official "Sunshine" site to see what I'm talking about...<br /><a href=" http://www.foxsearchlight.com/sunshine/">http://www.foxsearchlight.com/sunshine/</a> <i>(Scroll down a little and look to the left.)</i><br /><br />I can't quite explain what I'm so pissed about without spoiling the film, but I guess if you've seen a TV spot or online ad of it recently, you've probably already had the film spoiled for you anyway.<br /><br />Because apparently, Fox's ingenious scheme behind the movie is to reveal exactly what happens to the characters. That's right, they've actually turned spoiling a film into the marketing for it as well. Harry Potter haters would be proud.<br /><br />In fact, maybe Warner Bros. will follow suit when releasing The Half-Blood Prince, tagging each trailer with "_____ kills __________!" in huge white text (except replacing the blanks with the actual names, obviously - I think you all know who I'm talking about). That'll teach those fucking moviegoers for paying up their hard-earned cash! The pricks!<br /><br />So if you were an unfortunate victim of the spoiler-y tactics of Fox's shitty advertising team, I apologize on behalf of them. Don't let it sway you from watching the movie though. Even if you know what happens, the quality of the film is still high enough to overcome whatever those masterminds over at Fox are willing to throw at you.<br /><br />Well, what are you waiting for? Click <a href="http://www.fandango.com/sunshine_96199/movietimes">HERE</a> to find movie showtimes for "Sunshine" near you!<br /><br />P.S. Nobody paid me to promote this film. It's just really fucking good.quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-49605213733305855982007-07-24T01:29:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:31:01.500-08:00DVD REVIEW(S): Update #3Here's a collection of my latest DVD reviews, the most recent being PERFUME: THE STORY OF A MURDERER, THE ASTRONAUT FARMER, THE LAST MIMZY, and THE MANHATTAN PROJECT (SE)...<br /><br />You can find the rest of my JoBlo.com reviews at:<br /><center><a href="http://www.joblo.com/reviews_archive.php?mode=joblo_dvds&author=49">joblo.com/reviews_archive.php?mode=joblo_dvds&author=49</a></center><br /><br /><center><a href="http://www.joblo.com/reviews.php?mode=joblo_dvds&id=1748"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/dvd/perfume.jpg" border="0" alt="Perfume: The Story of a Murderer"></a> <a href="http://www.joblo.com/reviews.php?mode=joblo_dvds&id=1743"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/dvd/lastmimzy.jpg" border="0" alt="The Last Mimzy"></a> <a href="http://www.joblo.com/reviews.php?mode=joblo_dvds&id=1746"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/dvd/astronautfarmer.jpg" border="0" alt="The Astronaut Farmer"></a></center><br /><center><a href="http://www.joblo.com/reviews.php?mode=joblo_dvds&id=1751"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/dvd/manhattanproject.jpg" border="0" alt="The Manhattan Project (SE)"></a> <a href="http://www.joblo.com/reviews.php?mode=joblo_dvds&id=1716"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/dvd/fantasticfourSE.jpg" border="0" alt="Fantastic Four (SE)"></a> <a href="http://www.joblo.com/reviews.php?mode=joblo_dvds&id=1721"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/dvd/hustler.jpg" border="0" alt="The Hustler (SE)"></a></center><br /><center><a href="http://www.joblo.com/reviews.php?mode=joblo_dvds&id=1724"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/dvd/cannes.jpg" border="0" alt="Cannes: All Access"></a> <a href="http://www.joblo.com/reviews.php?mode=joblo_dvds&id=1719"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/dvd/slingshot.jpg" border="0" alt="Slingshot"></a> <a href="http://joblo.com/reviews.php?mode=joblo_dvds&id=1696"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/dvd/apocalypto.jpg" border="0" alt="Apocalypto"></a></center><br /><center><a href="http://joblo.com/reviews.php?mode=joblo_dvds&id=1701"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/dvd/40yroldSE.jpg" border="0" alt="The 40 Year Old Virgin (SE)"></a> <a href="http://www.joblo.com/reviews.php?mode=joblo_dvds&id=1695"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/dvd/arthur.jpg" border="0" alt="Arthur and the Invisibles"></a></center><br />And once again, don't forget to check out the rest of my DVD reviews at:<br /><center><a href="http://www.joblo.com/reviews_archive.php?mode=joblo_dvds&author=49">joblo.com/reviews_archive.php?mode=joblo_dvds&author=49</a></center>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-78543995318165552052007-07-13T22:35:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:28:53.479-08:00Jason Lee has no shame.I thought the <a href="http://quigs.blogspot.com/2007/07/movies-that-make-me-lose-faith-in.html">original poster</a> was missing something, so I updated it.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/bad/alvin_joke.jpg"></center>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-64058872295079002322007-07-11T03:56:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:28:59.087-08:00REVIEW: License to Wed<img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/licensetowed.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.jpg" align="left"> <b>License to Wed</b><br />Bad to the point of frustration, the writers of LICENSE TO WED obviously took a course on how to make every character in a film as annoying as humanly possible.<br /><br />The only person who almost redeems himself is John Krasinksi, but that's down to his credit alone, as the actual character he's stuck with playing is a spineless pathetic loser. Mandy Moore is a good actress, but there's nothing worthwhile about her here. She's a ditzy bore, and the way her character blindly follows everything Williams' asks of the couple is almost obnoxious in its unbelievability. If that weren't enough, the chemistry between the lead characters constantly switches between flat and tense, never once actually showing why the couple make a good match (or why we should care).<br /><br />As for Robin Williams, I don't even know what to say. If his past acting roles haven't made you dislike the guy's comedy yet, this movie will sure change that. The only person more annoying than him is young Josh Flitter, Williams' boy assistant (quite the bizarre relationship they got going there). This movie delivers excellent evidence for why I ranked Flitter #5 on my list for the <a href="http://quigs.blogspot.com/2007/06/top-ten-most-annoying-kid-actors.html">Top Ten Most Annoying Kid Actors</a>. <br /><br />Those looking for some awkwardly hilarious comedy (such as what can be found in "The Office") will be sorely disappointed. Every scenario and gag feels forced to the point of frustration, oftentimes giving you the urge to punch Williams in the face. And before that urge can subside, you'll notice yourself wanting to also punch the other characters too (thanks to the unbelievably poor judgment they exude when forced to respond to Williams asinine tests). Once again, Krasinski almost makes it work... but doesn't.<br /><br />I'd also discuss the excruciatingly clichéd sentimental bullshit that spews across the screen about two thirds in, but I'm having a hard time doing that while also tying a noose around my neck.<br /><br />What a lousy fucking movie.<br /><br /><b>2 out of 10</b>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-38379325247828766512007-07-07T15:47:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:29:03.564-08:00Movies That Make Me Lose Faith in Humanity<center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/bad/blonde.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/bad/daddydaycamp.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/bad/alvin.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/bad/bratz.jpg"></center>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-12872875754377999062007-07-03T14:58:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:29:07.645-08:00REVIEW: Transformers<img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/transformers.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.jpg" align="left"> <b>Transformers</b><br />An exhausting but extremely entertaining experience, filled with some absolutely breathtaking action sequences and flawless CGI. The plot is at times beyond stupid, but c'mon, it's "Transformers" - what did you expect? Robots beating the shit out of other robots: this is what I paid to see, and I got it!<br /><br />Shia LaBeouf is the only non-robot related highlight of the film, which is perfectly fine considering how awesome the robots end up being. He adds heart and emotional investment into a film that otherwise would've been completely soulless. Whenever he was on-screen, I found myself interested and immersed in the goings-ons of the basically worthless story. And then when the Autobots finally join up with him, shit just gets twenty times more entertaining.<br /><br />I can see a lot of people hating the humor and laughable dialogue, but those things rarely bothered me. The only thing that actually bugged me was the excessive amount of actors who really served no purpose in the film, other than to stuff even more useless plot points into the damn thing. Very unnecessary, and sometimes incredibly annoying (Tyrese and Anthony Anderson come to mind).<br /><br />Something else that I expect others may not be ready for is just how unbelievably geeky/dorky/campy/cheesy the flick is. Think of it as "The Iron Giant" by way of "Small Soldiers". This goofy quality was something I felt added fully to the experience, as it allowed Michael Bay to stay true to the original "Transformers" style. Non-fans, however, may not be as thrilled by the choice.<br /><br />That aside, the rest of the movie is just a fucking blast for any and all action lovers out there. The final 30 minutes in particular are just mind-blowingly cool, with sensational robot battles abound. Fun fuckin' times!<br /><br /><b>8 out of 10</b>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-8221853447844147442007-07-03T14:56:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:29:12.344-08:00REVIEW: Ratatouille<img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/ratatouille.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.jpg" align="left"> <b>Ratatouille</b><br />After the major disappointment of "Cars", Pixar comes back in full form with Brad Bird's latest animated masterpiece. Simply put, the man's a genius.<br /><br />I had no interest in this film originally (other than it being Pixar, and under Bird's name), so it was quite a surprise to find myself as captivated by it as I was. The characters are handled perfectly, and the slapstick humor is executed in fun and creative ways. The picture even manages to include a number of stunning action sequences, proving once and for all that Bird and his team can take even the most tired elements and do something exciting with them.<br /><br />The film is also refreshingly deep, featuring a combination of mature adult themes and a wonderfully handled message for the younguns (unlike the usual stock messages that most family-oriented films provide).<br /><br />Like "The Incredibles" and "The Iron Giant" before it (both directed by Bird), there's a balance struck here that allows people of all ages to appreciate what the film has to offer. The kids will love the silly characters, energetic sequences, and goofy gags, while the older audience members can enjoy those very same elements (since they're handled in a way that's not at all condescending), plus much more. In particular, the writing is sensational, adding a non-stop series of hilarious moments to the mix without sacrificing character development or a strong story.<br /><br />Brad Bird sure knows how to make a classy picture. This is one for the ages.<br /><br /><b>9 out of 10</b>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-55523064047567021602007-07-03T14:49:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:29:16.952-08:00REVIEW: Live Free or Die Hard<img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/diehard4.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.jpg" align="left"> <b>Live Free or Die Hard</b><br />Mother of God, this movie was a non-stop adrenaline rush of action sequence upon action sequence, and I loved every second of it. I doubt the movie could be any more ridiculous (especially with that hilarious hacking bullshit), but for some reason, I was having so much fun that I didn't care.<br /><br />Bruce Willis is back in top form as the wise-cracking McClane, laughing off the prospect of death whenever it's near (which is a lot). This guy's no longer just a normal dude who's been thrown into a horrible situation. He's a fucking superhero. The final half hour of this film confirms this, with quite possibly the most over-the-top action sequence I've ever witnessed. But really, you'll have decided way before that point if you're willing to simply have fun and "go with" the outrageousness of what's happening. For me, it was an easy choice.<br /><br />As far as comic relief goes, there's a lot. I mean, McClane himself is sort of comical character. Justin Long is the contrast to Willis' ass-kickin' character, a terrified hacker who stutters a lot and is completely unready for what's coming his way. I know a lot of people see Long as nothing more than "that annoying Mac guy", but I've always liked him. And here, he plays opposite Willis perfectly. Half way through the film though, Kevin Smith pops up as another comic character. It's a little bit overkill, but then again, so is the rest of the film. If you like Smith (which I totally do), it probably won't bother you too much.<br /><br />Olyphant doesn't exactly have his work cut out for him when it comes to playing the bad guy, seeing as how it's sort of hard to beat Alan Rickman. Still, he does a decent job holding his own; could've been a bit more menacing though. (Still not sure how he's gonna pull off "Hitman".)<br /><br />For a PG-13, the violence here was insanely hardcore. The only aspect of the film that felt toned down was the language, which led to some moments of horrendous dubbing (I get the feeling there was a lot of cursing they had to take out). Rest assured though, they'll probably have this fixed up for the unrated cut when the flick hits DVD. And I'll definitely be buying it.<br /><br /><b>7 out of 10</b>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-56756999090727177502007-06-26T12:25:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:31:23.165-08:00Top Ten Most Annoying Kid Actors<center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/kids/banner.jpg"></center><br />For every great child actor out there (such as Freddie Highmore and Josh Hutcherson), there are about twenty others who are just so annoying, you can't help but want to grab the nearest sharp object and jam your eyes out. Or rather, theirs.<br /><br />Here are my choices for the ten most prime candidates. (And say what you will about Haley Joel Osment, but I actually liked him, so suck on that.)<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/kids/fanning.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.png" align="left"> <b>10. Dakota Fanning</b><br /><br />Dakota's only going on this list as a formality, because I know how irritating so many people find her. Even though I do agree she can grate the nerves, at least she knows how to act. Still, with her non-stop whining like a little bitch in the recent Spielberg remake War of the Worlds, and her controversial turn in the movie Hounddog (where she gets pointlessly raped - really now, what the fuck?), I'm putting the bitch on the list just to spite her.<br /> <br /><b><i>Filmography:</i></b> I Am Sam, Hide and Seek, Man on Fire, War of the Worlds, Charlotte's Web<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/kids/robb.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.png" align="left"> <b>9. AnnaSophia Robb</b><br /><br />This girl did a great job playing Violet Beauregarde in Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory adaptation. Reason being, the character Violet was an obnoxious little C-U-N-Tuesday. It's just too bad that in Bridge to Terabithia she had a much harder task to accomplish - being likable. I think the fact that I wanted to beat her over the head with a shovel gives a pretty good indication of whether she succeeded or not. <br /><br /><b><i>Filmography:</i></b> Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Reaping, Bridge to Terabithia<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/kids/bright.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.png" align="left"> <b>8. Cameron Bright</b><br /><br />This emotionless little peckerwood has been appearing everywhere these past few years, and I think he's doing it just to piss me off. It's almost like a horrible game of Where's Waldo?, where I'll randomly see a movie in theaters only to find his impassive mug staring right back at me. Talk about destroying a movie experience. This kid's fucking duller than Syriana.<br /> <br /><b><i>Filmography:</i></b> Godsend, Birth, Thank You for Smoking, Running Scared, Ultraviolet, X-Men: The Last Stand<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/kids/sprouse.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.png" align="left"> <b>7. Dylan & Cole Sprouse</b><br /><br />Just one movie is all it took to get these annoying twats on the list. It also doesn't help that I recently caught about ten seconds of their show, "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody". Now here's my question: who's fucking bright idea was it to greenlight a show with these conceited and talent-less pricks as the stars? The only thing more disturbing than that is the fact that people actually watch the piece of shit. What is the world coming to?<br /> <br /><b><i>Filmography:</i></b> Big Daddy<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/kids/boyd.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.png" align="left"> <b>6. Cayden Boyd</b><br /><br />Ever see The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl? No, of course you didn't. But had you, you would've seen the biggest fucking pussy hero ever to grace the silver screen... in 3-D! The good news there is, you can visualize yourself actually chocking the son of a bitch. Which is awesome, because not only is he a complete tool, he's also a terrible actor.<br /> <br /><b><i>Filmography:</i></b> The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl, Mystic River, X-Men: The Last Stand<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/kids/flitter.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.png" align="left"> <b>5. Josh Flitter</b><br /><br />With his upcoming role as Robin William's sidekick in License to Wed, we're guaranteed to be seeing a lot more of young Josh Flitter. His last name is strangely appropriate, because he's a bit like a flittering pest that just won't go away, no matter how much you swat at it. I'm honestly shocked he's able to keep getting work. Do people actually find him funny? Or are they simply entertained by the fact that he's a chubby little bastard who doesn't quite walk so much as waddle?<br /> <br /><b><i>Filmography:</i></b> The Greatest Game Ever Played, Nancy Drew, License to Wed<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/kids/lloyd.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.png" align="left"> <b>4. Jake Lloyd</b><br /><br />You'd think seeing Darth Vader as a child would be cool... Nope, not with this little bitch mucking it up. I realize George Lucas' scripts don't exactly give the actors much to work with, but for fuck's sake, this kid can't even put one foot in front of the other without making it look like he's been asked to act out a 15-minute monologue. Did you see him during the fucking pod race? I couldn't tell whether he was distraught, or if he had to take a shit.<br /> <br /><b><i>Filmography:</i></b> Jingle All the Way, Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/kids/dorfman.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.png" align="left"> <b>3. David Dorfman</b><br /><br />As if he wasn't annoying enough in the first Ring, he had to double it up for the sequel. They really should've had a ten-minute sequence with Naomi Watts just slapping the shit out of the disrespectful twat. At least then it wouldn't have been a complete and utter waste of 2 hours. But, as irritating as he is, he did do a decent job with his performance as the hideously ugly and weird half-retarded bastard child in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. Props for that one.<br /> <br /><b><i>Filmography:</i></b> The Ring, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Ring Two<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/kids/breslin.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.png" align="left"> <b>2. Spencer Breslin</b><br /><br />If somebody made a movie that consisted of nothing other than Spencer Breslin getting shoved down a hill, followed by him attempting to hurdle his fat ass back up, only to get pushed back down again, I'd totally pay to see it. This kid's the epitome of "annoying fatass". Every time he spews out a line, he speaks like he just got finished choking down another Big Mac. I'm guessing that when God made him, he was probably going for "goofy and cute," but instead ended up with, "OH HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?"<br /> <br /><b><i>Filmography:</i></b> The Kid, The Santa Clause 2, The Cat in the Hat, Zoom<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/kids/lipnicki.jpg" align="left"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/movies/rightborder.png" align="left"> <b>1. Jonathan Lipnicki</b><br /><br />I would never hit a kid... with the exception of this one. Granted, he's a lot older now, but it's a nothing Christopher Lloyd and a DeLorean can't fix. If I could, I'd go back to when Jerry Maguire was being filmed, and I'd just roundhouse kick the little fucker right in the face. Then I'd stare him straight in eyes and say in the most sincere voice possible, "Tom Cruise is going to rape you while you're sleeping."<br /><br />Harsh, I know, but what can I say? I'm an asshole.<br /> <br /><b><i>Filmography:</i></b> Jerry Maguire, Stuart Little, The Little Vampire, Like Mikequigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-102666450963213882007-06-23T09:16:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:31:41.989-08:00Who's Your Caddy: Setting Back Society A Hundred Years<center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/whosyourcaddy/caddy_title.jpg"></center><br />Let me get this straight... This movie features loud-mouth black people and pompous rich white guys duking it out over a golf club membership? OH, THE HILARITY!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/whosyourcaddy/caddy_POS_small.jpg"></center><br />And hey, be sure to check out the laugh riot trailer at <a href="http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809813056/video/3129022/standardformat;_ylt=AhdvQ.uCz0cEPLTKiU4QCH5fVXcA">Yahoo! Movies</a>.<br /><br />But just in case you aren't able to appreciate all of the clever jokes and subtle nuances, here's a sampling of this movie's apparent genius...<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/whosyourcaddy/caddy1.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/whosyourcaddy/caddy2.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/whosyourcaddy/caddy3.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/whosyourcaddy/caddy4.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/whosyourcaddy/caddy5.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/whosyourcaddy/caddy6.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/whosyourcaddy/caddy7.jpg"><br /><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/whosyourcaddy/caddy8.jpg"></center><br />I don't think I've ever seen a trailer that made me contemplate suicide more than this one. It's practically a parody it's so bad.<br /><br />Worse yet, the pathetically stereotypical "culture clash for the sake of comedy" premise has been dragged into the ground and stomped on repeatedly, but for some reason they're still using it in about a dozen films every year.<br /><br />The only thing more annoying than this tired formula is when movies have old white women talking/acting like they're from the ghetto (which wasn't shown in this trailer, but I can almost guarantee they'll have in the actual film). It may have been funny in AIRPLANE! (since they actually did something clever with the gag), but it hasn't been since.<br /><br />Seriously Hollywood, <b>FUCKING STOP IT</b>. I haven't even seen the film, and already my brain cells are dying.<br /><br />And on that note, I'd like to offer up my thoughts on a more appropriate title for the film (not that WHO'S YOUR CADDY isn't a stroke of genius)...<br /><br /><center><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/whosyourcaddy/caddy_title2.jpg"></center>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-46062260278726938082007-06-19T17:46:00.000-07:002007-10-19T11:23:38.582-07:00Evan Baxter is racist.<center><a href="http://thekratsite.com/blog/evanalmighty_racist.jpg"><img src="http://thekratsite.com/blog/evanalmighty_racist_small.jpg" border="0"></a></center>quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11162025.post-19609639929438966032007-06-19T01:05:00.000-07:002008-01-08T12:31:49.174-08:00Haiku Movie Review: Fantastic Four 2<b>Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer</b><br /><br /><i>People said it sucked,<br />But I actually liked it,<br />I must be stupid.</i><br /><br />Full review to come soon!quigleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05300106518112511512noreply@blogger.com0