Top Ten Most Annoying Kid Actors
For every great child actor out there (such as Freddie Highmore and Josh Hutcherson), there are about twenty others who are just so annoying, you can't help but want to grab the nearest sharp object and jam your eyes out. Or rather, theirs.
Here are my choices for the ten most prime candidates. (And say what you will about Haley Joel Osment, but I actually liked him, so suck on that.)
10. Dakota Fanning
Dakota's only going on this list as a formality, because I know how irritating so many people find her. Even though I do agree she can grate the nerves, at least she knows how to act. Still, with her non-stop whining like a little bitch in the recent Spielberg remake War of the Worlds, and her controversial turn in the movie Hounddog (where she gets pointlessly raped - really now, what the fuck?), I'm putting the bitch on the list just to spite her.
Filmography: I Am Sam, Hide and Seek, Man on Fire, War of the Worlds, Charlotte's Web
9. AnnaSophia Robb
This girl did a great job playing Violet Beauregarde in Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory adaptation. Reason being, the character Violet was an obnoxious little C-U-N-Tuesday. It's just too bad that in Bridge to Terabithia she had a much harder task to accomplish - being likable. I think the fact that I wanted to beat her over the head with a shovel gives a pretty good indication of whether she succeeded or not.
Filmography: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Reaping, Bridge to Terabithia
8. Cameron Bright
This emotionless little peckerwood has been appearing everywhere these past few years, and I think he's doing it just to piss me off. It's almost like a horrible game of Where's Waldo?, where I'll randomly see a movie in theaters only to find his impassive mug staring right back at me. Talk about destroying a movie experience. This kid's fucking duller than Syriana.
Filmography: Godsend, Birth, Thank You for Smoking, Running Scared, Ultraviolet, X-Men: The Last Stand
7. Dylan & Cole Sprouse
Just one movie is all it took to get these annoying twats on the list. It also doesn't help that I recently caught about ten seconds of their show, "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody". Now here's my question: who's fucking bright idea was it to greenlight a show with these conceited and talent-less pricks as the stars? The only thing more disturbing than that is the fact that people actually watch the piece of shit. What is the world coming to?
Filmography: Big Daddy
6. Cayden Boyd
Ever see The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl? No, of course you didn't. But had you, you would've seen the biggest fucking pussy hero ever to grace the silver screen... in 3-D! The good news there is, you can visualize yourself actually chocking the son of a bitch. Which is awesome, because not only is he a complete tool, he's also a terrible actor.
Filmography: The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl, Mystic River, X-Men: The Last Stand
5. Josh Flitter
With his upcoming role as Robin William's sidekick in License to Wed, we're guaranteed to be seeing a lot more of young Josh Flitter. His last name is strangely appropriate, because he's a bit like a flittering pest that just won't go away, no matter how much you swat at it. I'm honestly shocked he's able to keep getting work. Do people actually find him funny? Or are they simply entertained by the fact that he's a chubby little bastard who doesn't quite walk so much as waddle?
Filmography: The Greatest Game Ever Played, Nancy Drew, License to Wed
4. Jake Lloyd
You'd think seeing Darth Vader as a child would be cool... Nope, not with this little bitch mucking it up. I realize George Lucas' scripts don't exactly give the actors much to work with, but for fuck's sake, this kid can't even put one foot in front of the other without making it look like he's been asked to act out a 15-minute monologue. Did you see him during the fucking pod race? I couldn't tell whether he was distraught, or if he had to take a shit.
Filmography: Jingle All the Way, Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
3. David Dorfman
As if he wasn't annoying enough in the first Ring, he had to double it up for the sequel. They really should've had a ten-minute sequence with Naomi Watts just slapping the shit out of the disrespectful twat. At least then it wouldn't have been a complete and utter waste of 2 hours. But, as irritating as he is, he did do a decent job with his performance as the hideously ugly and weird half-retarded bastard child in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. Props for that one.
Filmography: The Ring, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Ring Two
2. Spencer Breslin
If somebody made a movie that consisted of nothing other than Spencer Breslin getting shoved down a hill, followed by him attempting to hurdle his fat ass back up, only to get pushed back down again, I'd totally pay to see it. This kid's the epitome of "annoying fatass". Every time he spews out a line, he speaks like he just got finished choking down another Big Mac. I'm guessing that when God made him, he was probably going for "goofy and cute," but instead ended up with, "OH HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?"
Filmography: The Kid, The Santa Clause 2, The Cat in the Hat, Zoom
1. Jonathan Lipnicki
I would never hit a kid... with the exception of this one. Granted, he's a lot older now, but it's a nothing Christopher Lloyd and a DeLorean can't fix. If I could, I'd go back to when Jerry Maguire was being filmed, and I'd just roundhouse kick the little fucker right in the face. Then I'd stare him straight in eyes and say in the most sincere voice possible, "Tom Cruise is going to rape you while you're sleeping."
Harsh, I know, but what can I say? I'm an asshole.
Filmography: Jerry Maguire, Stuart Little, The Little Vampire, Like Mike
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