The Quig Spot

10 Reasons Why Cloverfield Lives Up To The Hype

2008-01-16T19:25:00.000-08:00

If you listened to yesterday's podcast, you know that I was lucky enough to check out a preview screening of Cloverfield. Did it live up to the hype? Damn right it did. Here are ten reasons why...(MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD)

10. It's not another American version of Godzilla. (Thank God!)

Let's get this out of the way first. This movie is not 1998's Hollywood version of Godzilla. Nor is it the movie that Godzilla should've been. Really, aside from the fact that both films feature a gigantic creature thrashing about New York, they're so different in style and intent that any comparisons beyond that should be immediately disregarded. In other words, forget Godzilla. That movie sucked. Cloverfield, meanwhile, is something different entirely, and warrants all the hype it's gotten thus far.

9. The expected "problems" are not problems.

Not unlike other hyped-up films that have been released in the past, Cloverfield has had plenty of naysayers to go along with all those that have remained hopeful and optimistic. Question is, how many of the potential problems being discussed (the runtime, PG-13 rating, shaky cam, etc.) are actual problems?

Truth be told, none.

First off, the relatively short 85-minute runtime works perfectly considering what type of film this is. Since the "movie" is basically the recovered footage off the tape found in Central Park, it wouldn't make sense for one of the characters to put in a new tape halfway through, which is basically the only way the filmmakers could've extended things.

Secondly, the PG-13 rating never poses a problem. This is not an excessively gory movie, but some of the things that happen are certainly gruesome enough to make your mind feel like it is. The fact that you don't see every little detail in close-up actually makes it even more effective. And intense. Really goddamn intense.

Saving the most prominent for last, there's the shaky cam. OK, I'm not gonna lie, it does take a little getting used to during the early sequences. But once you become invested in the film, the handheld style solidifies itself as a vital part of what the whole situation so powerful and realistic. Whereas some movies use shaky cam as a way to hide poor CGI or feign intensity, Cloverfield uses it because, without it, it wouldn't look believable. Without it, the movie would've failed.

8. Hud.

Don't know Hud? Don't worry, you will. He's the guy holding the camera. He's also one of the best things about Cloverfield.

In total, there are about 6 "main" characters in the film. A couple of them are worthless, and you won't really care about them living or dying, but the others are OK. And then there's Hud. Ah, Hud. I love Hud. He's kind of a doofus, but a likable, funny doofus. Any compassion you have for these characters can probably be attributed to him. Really, the only reason to dislike him is that he sometimes has a problem focusing the camera on what the audience wants to see. C'mon Hud, the monster's that way! Stop looking at your friends to make sure they're alive! What the hell are you, a decent human being!?

7. The monster.

I know a lot of this film's hype has been in response to the ambiguity of the monster and what it looks like, so the fact that I'm only ranking it at #7 may worry some people. Don't let it. The monster is as cool a monster as most people could've asked for. If you were to ask me to describe it, I wouldn't be able to. The best analogy I can think of is to say it's a mix between the creature from The Host, a sloth, and a praying mantis. Sound weird? Well, it should, because it is.

But, how much of it do you get to see? The short answer: Enough. No, you don't get a dozen full-on wide shots of it. In order to obtain a sense of realism, the monster is seen exactly as you would see it were you to film it with a video camera at varying distances while it gets blasted with rockets and marches through the city. That said, you do see the thing a lot, partially obscured though it may be. And there's one shot in particular that should satisfy all those desperate for one perfectly angled look at the monster.

6. The parasites.

Who would've thought these little bastards would be even cooler than the actual monster? Without spoiling anything, let me just say that the best sequence in the film is without a doubt a credit to these giant scampering bed bugs, dropping off the monster and wreaking havoc whenever the possibility of safety seems evident. Once again, I'm at a loss for words as how to describe them, so I'll leave it at this: they're thin, creepy, spider-like, and enjoy biting.

5. It's something new.

You could argue this film isn't new. Or unique. Or fresh. After all, The Blair Witch Project came out almost ten years ago. This is practically the same movie, but with a monster... right?

No, it's not. I won't argue that they both share the same basic concept, nor will I argue that Cloverfield's existence probably owes a lot of The Blair Witch, but there are some huge differences between the two films. The main one being, this one has a much more massive scale, and a hefty budget to match. Does that necessarily make the movie good? Of course not. But it's awesome to finally see Hollywood producing a relatively big budget action film that's so immensely different than the onslaught of crap that normally ends up in theaters.

In the same way I encouraged everybody to check out Grindhouse when it hit cinemas (which hardly anybody did), I recommend you all go support Cloverfield. If this movie does well, we're one step closer to convincing studios that not all moviegoers want to watch the same generic garbage everyone's become so accustomed to. And believe me when I say, Cloverfield is different than any monster movie you've ever seen before. It redefines the genre. In some ways, it redefines film itself.

4. Blockbuster, or independent?

It's not hard to find big scale action blockbusters. Hollywood spews out those by the truckload. And if you know where to look, it's just as easy to find intimate, character-driven indie films. But both of them together? That's rare. Not many filmmakers know how to combine the two. Matt Reeves, the director of Cloverfield, clearly does. And that's what makes this movie so interesting. It has all the intimacy you're used to seeing in non-studio productions, but there just happens to be a giant monster and his creepy-crawly minions in the background causing undue mayhem.

3. It feels real.

You know the concept behind Cloverfield by now. It's a faux-documentary(ish) look at a monster attack in New York. What I wasn't sure of though was just how far they were going to take the "realism" aspect of the film. To answer that, they take it all the way. From start to finish, the film is presented as a recovered, unaltered tape following the characters in question. With the exception of a "Government Property" tag at the beginning and some static-y credits at the end, that's all there is. We see footage of a couple of the characters before the party, during the party (when the initial attack happens), and all the shit that goes down afterwards. We also see some brief clips of a previous recording, since the tape is being reused.

I say all this in an attempt to convey just how authentic the film is in presentation, or at least would be were it not relating to a monster attack. The characters talk like people talk, the choices they make are (for the most part) very believable, and there's no music or editing outside what the characters listen to at the party and when Hud presses "start" and "stop" on the camera. It's pretty damn awesome.

2. It's not just a movie, it's an experience.

You can't help but think while watching Cloverfield that you're only witnessing one piece of the puzzle. It's not telling you everything there is to know about the attacks. It's strictly played from the perspective of the characters, filming what's happening as it goes down. The audience only knows as much as they do. There's an ambiguity present, and it makes you realize this thing is way bigger than just what these characters are experiencing. But because you're experiencing it right along with them, it makes the whole thing so much more compelling. You don't feel like you're watching a movie. You feel like you're watching a home movie of your friends... with them being attacked by monsters.

1. It delivers on everything it promised.

I honestly can't imagine anybody being disappointed by this film. It delivers on exactly what the trailers promised. It's exactly the movie people were hoping for. And my God do I love it. See it this Friday, and you will too.

To hear more about the film, stay tuned for our special "Cloverfield" podcast episode of The Watchers. In the meantime, you can subscribe to the podcast by using this link in your iTunes or podcast application. (For direct mp3 downloads, go here for episode 1 and here for episode 2).

[This post has been cross-posted at AlwaysWatching.org]

The Watchers - One Podcast to Rule Them All

2008-01-07T13:49:00.000-08:00

Do you like movies? Do you like podcasts? Do you like podcasts where people talk about movies?

Well, good sir, you are the target audience for mine and a couple friends' new movie podcast, appropriately titled The Watchers. You can check it out at AlwaysWatching.org.

Reasons why you should listen:

It's good.
It's smart.
It's funny.
It's sexy.
It will lather you up in baby oil and get you pregnant.
C'mon, do you really have anything better to do today?

Subscribe to the podcast:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/TheWatchers

Ten 2007 Movies That Should've Been Awesome, But Weren't

2008-01-04T14:01:00.000-08:00

10. 30 DAYS OF NIGHT

What people were hoping for: A stylish and gory adaptation of the graphic novel of the same name, brought to life by the director of "Hard Candy".

What it turned out to be: Just another stupid vampire movie, with its incredibly cool premise used as nothing more than a gimmick.

9. REVOLVER

What people were hoping for: A return to form from Guy Ritchie, the director of "Snatch" and "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels".

What it turned out to be: Further proof that Ritchie should have never married Madonna.

8. FRED CLAUS

What people were hoping for: A hilarious and offbeat romp with Vince Vaughn and Paul Giamatti, tied together by "Wedding Crashers" director David Dobkin.

What it turned out to be: PG-rated kiddie crap.

7. SMOKIN' ACES

What people were hoping for: An onslaught of ridiculous action mixed with an onslaught of ridiculous characters.

What it turned out to be: An onslaught of ridiculous characters, but fuck all in the way of action.

6. WAR

What people were hoping for: A kickass showdown between Jason Statham and Jet Li.

What it turned out to be: Utterly forgettable trash, with barely two minutes worth of a "showdown" between Statham and Li.

5. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END

What people were hoping for: A spectacular and climactic resolution of everything left open in "Dead Man's Chest".

What it turned out to be: An excuse to introduce even more plot threads, none of which were interesting, and all of which took an accumulated 2 and half hours to resolve instead of a much more reasonable 90 minutes.

4. ALIENS VS. PREDATOR: REQUIEM

What people were hoping for: The excessively violent and gruesome R-rated battle between horror icons that should've been delivered by the previous installment.

What it turned out to be: Even worse than the first film.

3. FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER

What people were hoping for: A redemption to the series by way of the Silver Surfer's introduction.

What it turned out to be: Lots more of the same shit found in the first film, minus Alba's hotness (what the hell did they do to her?), and not even much Surfer.

2. SOUTHLAND TALES

What people were hoping for: The next breathtaking masterpiece from the director of "Donnie Darko".

What it turned out to be: A complete and utter mess of admittedly ambitious ideas, sans any cohesion.

1. SPIDER-MAN 3

What people were hoping for: Another incredible entry in the "Spider-Man" series.

What it turned out to be: An overstuffed collection of truly awful scenes, including Parker playing jazz piano, being devious while eating cookies, and crying a lot.

NOTE: These choices are based more on the reactions of audiences and critics than my own personal opinion.

Ten 2007 Movies That Should've Sucked, But Didn't

2008-01-04T13:48:00.000-08:00

10. SURF'S UP

What people were expecting: An unwelcome continuation of the "penguin movie" fad, with a stupid documentary gimmick.

What it turned out to be: An unexpectedly welcome continuation of the "penguin movie" fad, with a cool documentary gimmick.

9. STARDUST

What people were expecting: Another blasé entry in the fantasy genre, hoping desperately to milk the success brought on by the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy.

What it turned out to be: A surprisingly fun adventure movie in the vein of "The Princess Bride".

8. TMNT

What people were expecting: A lame studio attempt at reinventing an old franchise for younger audiences.

What it turned out to be: A nostalgic, action-packed throwback to everything that made the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles so much fun to begin with.

7. THE SIMPSONS MOVIE

What people were expecting: An unfunny big screen adaptation of a TV show that should've had a movie ten years ago.

What it turned out to be: Hilarious.

6. 28 WEEKS LATER

What people were expecting: A standard, lousy Hollywood sequel to a movie that’s reason for working so well was in large part thanks to its indie style.

What it turned out to be: An inventive and well made action/horror thrill-ride.

5. ENCHANTED

What people were expecting: Disney garbage.

What it turned out to be: Classic Disney.

4. TRANSFORMERS

What people were expecting: Exactly what most movies based on toy lines would end up being... dog shit.

What it turned out to be: An ultra-slick action extravaganza featuring robots beating the shit out of each other.

3. LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD

What people were expecting: An unnecessary PG-13 sequel that’s only reason for existence is because Hollywood is running out of ideas.

What it turned out to be: Totally fucking badass.

2. DISTURBIA

What people were expecting: A godawful teen-based "Rear Window" ripoff.

What it turned out to be: Way more entertaining and well-made than it should've been.

1. HAIRSPRAY

What people were expecting: Another turd from the director of "Cheaper by the Dozen 2" and "The Pacifier", this time featuring John Travolta in drag and an overload of bright colors.

What it turned out to be: One of the most fun musicals in recent memory.

NOTE: These choices are based more on the reactions of audiences and critics than my own personal opinion.

Atheists unite! Boycott "The Chronicles of Narnia"!

2007-12-06T03:05:00.000-08:00

As an atheist, naturally I've always been highly offended by the religious "Chronicles of Narnia" series, but it wasn't until the boycotting of the upcoming "Golden Compass" film by Christians that it became clear to me just how offended I should actually be.

I mean, really, just who do these religious people think they are, forcing their beliefs on us atheists? How dare they incorporate such themes into a work of fantasy adventure! Next thing you know our kids our going to go up to us and start asking what does it all mean, and if the viewpoints we enforce on them day after day may not be the only ones out there. It seems to me C.S. Lewis didn't realize just how susceptible children are to this spiritual mumbo jumbo. Shame on him.

Think about it: if we allow these films to get made, there's obviously going to be a lot of advertising. It's easy to make sure your kids don't find about the books, because, c'mon, who the fuck actually reads? But films, that's a whole other story. I can't monitor what my children watch every day. That's like six hours of television! Within that amount of time, they're bound to find out about these films. And if I say they can't see them, they'll want to know why. What am I supposed to say? "They might give you the idea that free-thinking is OK"? Of course not. That's something you're supposed to blindly fight against without ever acknowledging; not have to explain to your kids so they can figure out that everything you attempt to embed in their brains isn't irrefutable fact.

Then, if they somehow manage to see the films, the next logical step is obviously reading the books. Obscene! Free-thinking AND reading? That might actually encourage them to check out other novels, too, and pretty soon you'll be having a ton of kids developing a fresh view on things that haven't been passed down from previous generations of instilled beliefs. Does nobody see what's wrong with this?

It disgusts me that I may one day have to raise a child in a world where they're encouraged to think outside the box, question the viewpoints of their parents, and science forbid, are free to make up their own minds about the existence of God. No, thank you. That's just not the world I want to live in.

So it's with this that I propose we boycott the soon-to-be-released "Prince Caspian," the next film entry from the "Chronicles of Narnia" series. It's religious filth, and I think it's unacceptable that it's being allowed in theaters, where it's readily available to alter the minds of our children. That's supposed to be the parent's job. Let's keep it that way.

I'm going to kill myself.

2007-10-19T01:44:00.000-07:00

As if there wasn't reason enough to hate Hollywood, some fuckhead studio executive greenlit this. It's "Meet the Spartans," the latest parade of hilarity from the writers/directors of such wittily titled pictures as "Date Movie" and "Epic Movie."

Not even caps lock is capable of conveying just how strongly I feel about rounding up the filmmakers responsible for this film (specifically, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer) and ferociously beating their heads in with spike-covered mallets.

The concept: a spoof of "300." Simple enough, and potentially funny if handled appropriately.

The execution: a title that references a seven year old movie ("Meet the Parents"), jokes that have nothing to do with the film at hand, Spartans break dancing in a reference to "You Got Served" and "Stomp the Yard," a scene mocking Britney Spears (like she doesn't do that enough herself already), and Method Man... all of which is delivered in a way that quite literally rapes your brain cells with its horrifying stupidity.

This is not a parody! This is not comedy! This is not even a real movie! And most of all, THIS IS NOT SPARTA!

...OK, yeah, that joke was bad, but I feel even worse having just subjected you to that mind-numbingly atrocious preview. I actually feel worse than if it had been a video of goatse or tubgirl or something.

To make up for it, here's an infinitely more funny parody of "300" that you've probably already seen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNqiSkd1M6k

The 6 Best Bruce Campbell Movies You'll Never See

2007-10-18T18:20:00.000-07:00

When it comes to B-level movie actors, Bruce Campbell is not the reigning champ. You see, with his godly chin and unsurpassed smartass mentality, he's much too awe-inspiring a figure to be categorized by mere levels and letters.

Of course, most people haven't yet discovered his greatness, the reason for which can be attributed solely to the blithering idiots in Hollywood suffering from the inability to remove their heads from their anuses. Because of this, we may never see the films that would ensure Bruce "The Chin" Campbell's place as the be-all and end-all cinema badass. These are those films.

6. THE EVIL DEAD Remake

"Evil Dead 2" was pretty much a remake of the first "Evil Dead" anyway. Why do we need another one?

Fuck you, that's why.

I'm not a big fan of all these remakes lately, but if there's one movie I wouldn't mind them redoing, it's "The Evil Dead." Imagine getting to see the origin of Ash, but with an actual budget and better costars. Imagine going to the theater and watching the cult classic we all love, but with an audience that has no idea what they're in for. Imagine the studios backing a movie featuring 'tree rape,' and the sequence actually getting past the censors. Well, stop imagining, because it's not gonna happen. And if it ever does, it will never be remade in the dementedly twisted way it deserves to be.

Potential awesomeness: 7 out of 10 chainsaws

Odds of it happening: 4 out of 10 chins

5. SPIDER-MAN 4

The rumor that Bruce Campbell would play the next Spidey villain, Mysterio, started with "Spider-Man 3." Word on the street was it would just be a cameo, and that he'd be expanded in the next film as a central foe.

The cameo never happened.

What does that mean for Mysterio in the next Spider-Man film? Nobody knows for sure. But with comments that Sam Raimi, Tobey Maguire, and others may not even be returning for another outing, and that the studios may just reboot the franchise instead, it's all a little disheartening. If there's one person who would let Campbell do his thing, it's Raimi. Now, we may never get to see that happen.

Potential awesomeness: 7 out of 10 chainsaws

Odds of it happening (with Bruce): 3 out of 10 chins

4. MY NAME IS BRUCE

To be fair, you will eventually get the chance to see this movie (since it's already been made). You won't, however, get to see the movie it should've been.

The premise is genius: after being mistaken for his character Ash from the "Evil Dead" trilogy, actor Bruce Campbell finds him forced to fight real monsters in a small Oregon town. Anybody who doesn't get chills from reading that synopsis is not a real B-movie fan.

Now then, here's why it will sadly disappoint:

It's directed by Bruce Campbell. I may love the actor, but anybody who's seen "Man with the Screaming Brain" would agree his directorial skills leave something to be desired. There's only one man who should be directing this film, and that's Sam Raimi.
The budget is only $1.5 million. Budget may not mean everything ("The Evil Dead" only cost $350,000), but Campbell had a $2 million price tag on "Man with the Screaming Brain" and the thing looked like it cost no more than 20 bucks and some pocket lint.
No studio has picked it up. This means we can expect a straight-to-DVD release, which is certainly not a sign of high quality. Then again, "Idiocracy" went straight-to-DVD, too. Hmm.
Early reviews have not been flattering. For the most part, word of mouth has been positive, but it's more along the lines of, "Yeah, it's a pretty fun movie." And to be honest, I want more than just a "pretty fun" movie.

I'm crossing my fingers anyway though. As a loyal Bruce Campbell fan, I'll still be buying the film. Even if it sucks.

Potential awesomeness (if it had been made the way it should've been): 9 out of 10 chainsaws

Odds of it happening: 10 out of 10 chins

3. BUBBA NOSFERATU AND THE CURSE OF THE SHE-VAMPIRES

This one really stings. As it turns out, the movie's still happening... just not with Bruce. Due to "creative differences" between Campbell and director Don Coscarelli (wait, it's not the studio's fault this time?), he has dropped from the production, and Coscarelli is looking for a replacement. Well, fuck that! If Campbell's not going to be Elvis, I don't even care anymore. I'd rather they didn't even make the damn thing.

What sucks even more about this is that Paul Giamatti was going to costar as Campbell's evil boss. Plus, the film's set in Vegas, and it's got she-vampires. Fuckin' she-vampires! How could you possibly have creative differences when your movie's got Elvis duking it out with she-vampires?

Potential awesomeness: 8 out of 10 chainsaws

Odds of it happening (with Bruce): 1 out of 10 chins

2. FREDDY VS. JASON VS. ASH

This was more of a fanboy dream than a real possibility to begin with, but c'mon! Think of the potential!

Freddy can enter and kill you in your dreams, has metal-clawed leather gloves, and wears a bitchin' fedora. Jason is a lumbering, unstoppable killing machine with one huge-ass machete. But Ash? He's the king, baby. He's got class. He's got style. He's got a chainsaw for a hand, a boomstick on his back, and snappy one-liners galore. Freddy and Jason are mere bitches in comparison.

If this movie got made, the only possible way to fuck it up would be to have Bruce wearing a tutu while Freddy and Jason got their nails done at a beauty parlor or something. Short of that, nothing could make this movie suck... if it ever got made, that is. Which it won't.

Now excuse me while I go cry.

Potential awesomeness: 10 out of 10 chainsaws

Odds of it happening: 0 out of 10 chins

1. EVIL DEAD 4

Fuck it, I don't need another remake. I just need more Ash. For the love of god, give me another adventure with Ash! Sam Raimi proved he's still got what it takes to make gloriously schlocky horror movie camp with that hospital scene in "Spider-Man 2," so now all he needs to do is focus that energy into one last outing with Bruce, and all will be well in the world.

Please. Do it for me. Do it for the people who continue to go to late night showings of the original trilogy. Do it for the people who went to the Bruce Campbell book signing of "If Chins Could Kill," and wasted money on "Man with the Screaming Brain." Do it for the people who bought every single fucking edition of the "Evil Dead" films that the studios continue to churn out (and for the suckers who will even buy the upcoming 3-Disc Ultimate Edition, like me).

Please. Do it for all of us.

Potential awesomeness: 9 out of 10 chainsaws

Odds of it happening: 5 out of 10 chins

BONUS PICK - DARKMAN

This flick hit theaters almost 20 years back, and quite frankly, was pretty damn awesome. Only one problem: where was Bruce? He actually does appear toward the end of the film in a very minor role, but he was originally supposed to be Darkman! Liam Neeson is a great actor and all, and he did solid work in the role, but every time I watch this film I can't help but wonder how much cooler it would've been had The Chin been in the starring role. (You can once again blame the studio for that one, by the way. They didn't think Campbell could carry the role, and said his name wasn't marketable enough. Bunch of douchebags.)

It looks so real!

2007-09-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

CGI has certainly come a long way.

The 2007 Summer Movie Awards

2007-09-03T14:54:00.000-07:00

Sit back, relax, and slowly realize what a sucker you were for wasting all that money on the never-ending stream of shit films that came out these past few months. It's The 2007 Summer Movie Awards: an award ceremony so grand, all of the categories are in caps.

BEST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER:

(TIE)
Knocked Up and Superbad - Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen make a better match than K-Fed and burger flipping. Uwe Boll and the Razzies. Paris Hilton and herpes. Jessica Alba and my cock.

BEST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER NOT FROM JUDD APATOW:

Ratatouille - Brad Bird and Pixar do it again, somehow. When a movie revolves around cooking and rats, you don't usually expect this kind of brilliance.

BEST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER FEATURING GIANT ROBOTS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER:

Transformers - It was a hard choice, but after much deliberation, this film came out on top.

WORST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER:

License to Wed - Read the review HERE. Or better yet, don't. The less said about this film the better.

BIGGEST SURPRISE:

Hairspray - Seeing as how it features John Travolta in a fat suit (looking even more grotesque than he did in "Battlefield Earth") AND it's from the director of "The Pacifier" and "Cheaper by the Dozen 2", the fact that it didn't turn out horrendously is a pretty damn big surprise.

MOST IGNORANT, HYPOCRITICAL, AND UNFUNNY PIECE OF SHIT OF THE SUMMER:

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry - It's not homophobic or offensive, just ignorant. And totally unfunny.

The script feels like it was written by a five-year-old. One that's talented enough to know the basic three-act structure, but dumb enough to assume all gays go to lavishly fruity homo-parties where they dress up as fairies and prance around. That's the kind of movie this is.

MOST REDEEMING QUALITY ABOUT ANY MOVIE:

Jessica Biel's ass in "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" - Enough to make gay men go straight.

LEAST REDEEMING QUALITY ABOUT ANY MOVIE:

Bumblebee imitating R. Kelly in "Transformers"

MOST UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS FILM:

I Know Who Killed Me - This amazing masterpiece of a movie is a staggeringly deep exploration of everything that is blue - blue roses, blue light, blue fades... even the people are blue at times. And as you very well know, any film that has an emphasized color in it is automatically meaningful. But just in case that's not enough to convince you, this movie also has RED. Baam! Now what mother fucker? You can't even handle the symbolic wonder featured in this destined to be an Academy Award winning classic!

MOST PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A KIDS FILM:

(TIE)
Daddy Day Camp and Bratz - Movies like this should end with a phone number to a suicide hotline.

BIGGEST ACTING COMEBACK:

John Cusack in "1408" - He may be an asshole in real life, but damn is he one charming son of a bitch on film.

MOST LAUGHABLE ACTING NON-COMEBACK:

Chris Tucker in "Rush Hour 3: Back in Black... and Yelling a Lot" - DO YOU UNDERSTAN' DA WORDS DAT ARE COMIN' OUT OVA MAH MOUV?

HOLLYWOOD'S HOTTEST NEW COMMODITY:

Shia LaBeouf - He's starred in three big films this year, and two of them featured him macking on Megan Fox and Sarah Roemer... with his tongue. And now, he's playing Indy's son. Is life fair or what?

Runner-Up: Judd Apatow was a close second, but he already received wide acclaim after "The 40 Year Old Virgin". So don't bitch.

THE EMO AWARD:

The candidates...
Harry Potter (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)
Peter Parker (Spider-Man 3)
Mike Enslin (1408)
Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End)
Nick Hume (Death Sentence)

The winner...
Peter Parker (Spider-Man 3) - Is there even any debate here?

WORST DANCING OF THE SUMMER:

Spider-Man 3

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

SHITTIEST THREEQUEL OF THE SUMMER:

The candidates...
Spider-Man 3
Shrek 3
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Ocean's Thirteen
Rush Hour 3

The winner...
All of them.

...except for "Spider-Man 3", which apparently I was the only person on the planet that liked (even with all its flaws). Sue me.

Complimentary Award for Movies That Weren't Sequels, Remakes, or Adaptations (...and at the same time, managed to not totally suck):

Waitress
Once
Severance
Paprika
Knocked Up
Mr. Brooks
Surf's Up
You Kill Me
Ratatouille
Joshua
Sunshine
Hot Rod
Superbad
Death at a Funeral

So out of the 70+ movies that came out this summer, only about 14 of the good ones weren't based on previous works. And only 8 of those had wide releases, meaning only a very small portion of the world could see them. So that makes an estimate total of 6 quality, original, widely released movies this summer. Glorious. See you next summer.

It's a trap.

2007-09-02T15:35:00.000-07:00

(Original Poster: joblo.com/saw-iv-poster)

Ten Oscar Winning Actors That Need Their Statuettes Revoked

2007-08-13T05:11:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, the Academy Awards. Such a prestigious honor, reserved only for the most dignified and distinguished faces in show business. Of course, they would hold a lot more merit if some of the winning actors didn't turn the show into a total mockery with their subsequent career choices. C'mon now people, the Oscars are the closest thing we have to reputable film awards. If we don't have that, then all we've got are the Golden Globes, or god forbid... the MTV Movie Awards. *shudder*

So with that said, here are the ten most notorious contenders for sullying the Academy Awards' name. (Well, more than it has been already.)

10. Robert De Niro

Got the Oscar for:

The Godfather: Part II
Raging Bull

Needs it taken away for:

The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle
Showtime
Analyze That
Hide and Seek
Godsend
Meet the Fockers
15 Minutes

Before you jump down my throat, allow me to explain myself. There's a huge difference between Robert De Niro the "actor" and Robert De Niro the "comedian". I appreciate that he's one of the seminal actors of our time, but after "The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle", his career went straight to hell. A man that once had his resume filled with movies like "Goodfellas", "The Deer Hunter", "Heat", "Raging Bull", and "Taxi Driver", was suddenly mugging for the camera in awful comedies like "Showtime" and "Analyze That". Oh please, say it ain't so.

More disappointingly, once he started doing comedy, even his dramatic roles took a turn for the worst. He became... dull. Did anybody see "Hide & Seek"? The guy looked half-asleep for its entire duration. A pair of shoes could've out-acted him. That, and the film sucked.

Will we ever get back the Robert De Niro that was once so loved? I can only hope.

9. JEREMY IRONS

Got the Oscar for:

Reversal of Fortune

Needs it taken away for:

Dungeons & Dragons
Eragon

You'd think after the guy played one of the worst villains of all time in one of the worst movies of all time, "Dungeons & Dragons", he'd learn to steer clear of anything involving those fire-breathing (and career-destroying) beasts. Fuck, I'm pretty sure that's a default reaction for ALL actors, since the closest thing we've ever had to a decent dragon movie was the mediocre "Reign of Fire".

Mr. Irons, I can forgive you for the first fuck up, but after "Eragon"... you're on your own.

8. MICHAEL DOUGLAS

Got the Oscar for:

Wall Street

Needs it taken away for:

The In-Laws
It Runs in the Family
Don't Say a Word
The Sentinel
One Night at McCool's
You, Me and Dupree

It's easy to envy Michael Douglas for being able to tap THIS every day, but it's hard to envy where his career has gone. Since 2000's "Traffic", the guy hasn't made a single good movie. Six films. All of them shit. That's gotta be some kind of record, especially for somebody of his caliber. It seems that Mr. Bobby De Niro isn't the only actor to suffer from "Hey, I wan't to be a comedian now!" syndrome.

7. BEN KINGSLEY

Got the Oscar for:

Gandhi

Needs it taken away for:

BloodRayne
A Sound of Thunder
Thunderbirds
Species
What Planet Are You From?

It amazes me that Uwe Boll can officially state he's had an Academy Award winning actor star in one of his films. Even more amazing is that said actor happens to be the brilliantly talented Ben Kingsley. Somebody really needs to fire their agent. Either that, or Ben is just fond of playing ridiculously over-the-top baddies that look so goofy, they'd give the villainous Zorg from "The Fifth Element" a run for his money.

But don't take my word for it, see for yourself:

Yikes.

6. NICOLAS CAGE

Got the Oscar for:

Leaving Las Vegas

Needs it taken away for:

The Wicker Man
Ghost Rider
Next
Con Air
Gone in Sixty Seconds

Between 2002 and 2005, Nicolas Cage made four of the best films of their respective years: "Adaptation", "The Weather Man", "Matchstick Men", and "Lord of War". And in his infinite wisdom, he decided to follow up those choices with three of the worst: "The Wicker Man", "Ghost Rider", and "Next". Now whenever I go back to try and appreciate the excellence of those first four movies (as well as some of the others he's done), I find myself unable to watch him while keeping a straight face. All I can think about is his performance as Johnny Blaze, the worst Elvis impersonator on earth. And then of course, there's "The Wicker Man"...

You know, on second thought, let's not even go there.

5. JON VOIGHT

Got the Oscar for:

Coming Home

Needs it taken away for:

Bratz: The Movie
SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2
The Karate Dog
Transformers
Anaconda
Most Wanted

Whatever shred of dignity Jon Voight had left after "SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2", the recently released live-action "Bratz" movie has officially obliterated it.

Jon Voight has always had an on-and-off career, with the occasional solid movie helping to prove his worth as an actor. But, there's a pretty fine line between having a good acting resume and having a bad one; if "The Karate Dog" is on your resume, I can promise you're nowhere near it.

4. ROBIN WILLIAMS

Got the Oscar for:

Good Will Hunting

Needs it taken away for:

License to Wed
RV
Night at the Museum
Patch Adams
Flubber

Robin Williams has become so unfunny, he's regressed to the point where I've started questioning why I even found him funny to begin with. This was especially evident while watching "License to Wed", a prime candidate for the worst film of 2007. I also think it marked the first time I've ever felt such ruthlessly sadistic hatred for a man of the cloth. The only thing keeping me from simultaneously storming out of the theater while flipping my friends the bird for having me sit through that garbage, was the oh-so-desperate hope of seeing Williams getting a fist placed firmly in his face. When John Krasinski threw out that punch near the end, and Robin Williams went tumbling backwards, I burst into raucous applause. It may have been staged, but goddamn, just the thought of it being real was satisfying enough.

3. WHOOPI GOLDBERG

Got the Oscar for:

Ghost

Needs it taken away for:

Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit
Theodore Rex
How Stella Got Her Groove Back
Made in America
Eddie
Bogus
All of her TV shit...

If I even need to explain this one to you, then you've never seen "Hollywood Squares".

2. HALLE BERRY

Got the Oscar for:

Monster's Ball

Needs it taken away for:

Catwoman
Perfect Stranger
Gothika
Die Another Day
Swordfish
X-Men: The Last Stand

The immediate year following her Oscar win with "Monster's Ball", Halle Berry won the Razzie for Worst Actress with "Catwoman". She gets major cool points for actually showing up to accept the award (even going as far as to mock her Oscar speech from the year prior), but that doesn't come close to making up for the film itself. It also doesn't make up for the fact that she's just never been that good of an actress, delivering about 1 good performance for every 25 bad. So as long as she chugs out another 25 films as quickly as possibly over the next ten years, there's at least one other gem bound to pop up... right?

Feel free to hold your breath.

1. CUBA GOODING JR.

Got the Oscar for:

Jerry Maguire

Needs it taken away for:

Daddy Day Camp
Snow Dogs
Boat Trip
Norbit
Chill Factor
Rat Race
All of his straight-to-DVD crap...

Here he is. The man that inspired this list. It's sad really; he began his career so promisingly, only to have it repeatedly plummet into the depths of acting hell.

Not only is he now picking up the scraps of another was-once-great-but-is-now-shit actor's roles (that being, Eddie Murphy's character from "Daddy Day Care"), but he's doing it under the direction of Fred fucking Savage, the kid from "The Wonder Years".

Like Robert De Niro and Michael Douglas before him, comedies have made a joke out of Cuba Gooding Jr... And not the kind of joke where you're laughing with him.

However, unlike De Niro or Douglas, Cuba's chances of recovery are almost zero. You don't make something like "Daddy Day Camp" right before your next big break; you make it on your acting career deathbed, with heart failure imminent upon the film's release. And with this past Wednesday, you could hear Cuba's going into arrest from well over half the country away. Rest in peace, man, rest in peace.

Dishonorable Mention: Hilary Swank — The Reaping? The Core? The Black Dahlia? You have two Oscars, babe. Start acting like it.

Bloodrayne 2 has smart advertising.

2007-08-10T18:59:00.000-07:00

Oh boy, Bloodrayne 2 is coming out soon! I'm psyched! Even more exciting than that though, is their amazing promo page...

(Click to enlarge)

Hmmm. Let's take a closer look.

There's no fucking wa- Hey, what's that asterisk for?

Oh. Wow. That's just... sad.

Thanks to Brett Arnold for the heads up!

The Ten Most Obnoxiously Overquoted Movies

2007-08-09T02:00:00.000-07:00

Nothing makes a great movie suck like people quoting it day in and day out for months at a time. It's the go-to route used by individuals who aren't clever enough to come up with their own material, made worse by them thinking (thanks to the select few that laughed at their referencing) they've suddenly become the most hilarious stand-up comedian since George Carlin. Hey dipshit - they were laughing at the actual line, not your "sensational" joke-telling abilities. In fact, you probably butchered it. It was a sympathy laugh. They all secretly hate you. You're considered one big fucking joke. Even your psychiatrist thinks you should kill yourself. Also, your wife/girlfriend/hand is cheating on you.

And all because you wouldn't stop quoting movies like these...

10. OFFICE SPACE

These three characters in "Office Space" are hilarious, but lets be honest, they're also unlikable and annoying. So just when you think there's nothing more aggravating than people quoting the same fucking movie over and over, this movie becomes popular and now people are quoting three alternatively irritating characters from the same fucking movie over and over. Meanwhile, I just stand back, stare aggressively, and clench my fist, waiting for the right moment to go postal and start shouting, "I'll show you a fucking O-face, you cocksucking motherfucker!!" I have learned the courtrooms are not fond of this response.

Other overused quotes:

"If things go well I might be showing her my O-face. 'Oh... Oh... Oh!' You know what I'm talkin' about. 'Oh!'"
"Sounds like somebody's having a case of the Mondays."
"So, Peter, what's happening? Aahh, now, are you going to go ahead and have those TPS reports for us this afternoon?"
"Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler..."
"'PC Load Letter'? What the fuck does that mean?"
"I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man."
"Did you get that memo?"

9. MONTY PYTHON (all of them)

Yes, actually, I did expect the Spanish Inquisition. Maybe if you didn't use the quote so goddamn much, I wouldn't have.

Other overused quotes:

"I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."
"It's just a flesh wound."
"We are the knights who say... NI!"
"What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

8. WEDDING CRASHERS

I'm going to conduct a test to see whether or not you're qualified to quote "Wedding Crashers".

Part 1: Do something that's as funny as this...

Oh, too bad. You already failed.

Other overused quotes:

"What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? You motorboatin' son of a bitch! You old sailor you!"
"I don't even know what the fuck a quail is!"
"Mom! The meat loaf! Fuck!"
"Are you kidding me? I love crab cakes! They're phenomenal!"
"I felt like Jodie Foster in "The Accused" last night."
"You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!"

7. Anything with SAMUEL L. JACKSON

I think we can all agree, Samuel L. Jackson is the baddest motherfucker alive. His ability of taking an otherwise mundane sentence and injecting it with a level of such ferocity is incredible. And it's all thanks to two little words. If used incorrectly though, those two little words can be deadly to a movie buff's ears. They can turn something that was once completely badass into something that is, quite frankly, completely gay. This gayness stems from an inability to capture the awesomeness that is Sam "the mutha fuckin' man" Jackson. Think you're up to the task? You're not. Don't even bother trying. You'll just fail at it like you do everything else in life. Motherfucker.

Other overused quotes:

"Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker! Say what one more goddamn time!"
"English, MOTHERFUCKER! Do-you-speak it?"
"I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"
"AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes."
"Hey, all brothers don't know how to use guns, you racist motherfucker."
"Oh now that's low, even for a white motherfucker like you."

6. THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN

You know how I know you're gay? Because you won't stop quoting the same fucking joke over and over again.

Other overused quotes:

"She was a ho... for sho."
"AHHH, Kelly Clarkson!"
"You know how I know that you're gay? You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says, 'I love it when balls are in my face'."
"I'm starvin'... let's get some fuckin' french toast!"
"You're puttin' the pussy on a pedestal."

5. ANCHORMAN

"Great Poseidon's trident of racial injustice!"
"By the ball sweat of Hades' dank nether regions!"
"Holy man-dolphins of the Utah state tax commission!"

See? I can do it too. It's not that hard to come up with your own variations of Will Ferrell schtick. You just have to be as random as possible and end almost everything with an exclamation point.

For example, if you were at a party and the keg ran out, you could say (in the most Ferrell-like voice you have), "This alcoholic beverage has been a temptress to my taste buds, and now she's abandoned me for her brother-in-law like the pirate whore she is. Oh cruel irony! Why must you encompass my love in such rainbow-shaped bowls of heartache and frustration!?"

Or, you could choose not to look like a jackass. Just stop imitating him full stop. He may be funny when he does it, but you're not.

Other overused quotes:

"I'm in a glass case of emotion!"
"I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly..."
"You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair."
"It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way."
"I ate a big red candle!"
"I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party. The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with the pants."
"Loud noises!"
"I love lamp."

4. The AUSTIN POWERS Series

This one has been especially painful to endure, because finding ways to contribute "Yeah, baby!" to a conversation is quite possibly the easiest thing in the world. Thus, even the dumbest of the dumb were doing it. The context didn't even matter. If somebody said something you agreed with, a piss-poor imitation of Mike Myers would follow.

This was made even more popular because it allowed people to narrowly escape looking like a fool by changing an intelligent conversation into a "humorous" one. For example...

Smart Person #1: I find the latest news of this injustice egregiously underdeveloped.
Smart Person #2: Quite right. The esoteric nature of the crimes leads me to believe the government is creating a factually false pretense intended to elude the citizens.
Smart Person #1: How about you, what are your thoughts on the matter?
You: ...uhh... Yeah, baby, yeah!

This of course would then lead to outbursts of laughter from everyone around you, as the topic would quickly change into a discussion about your amazing comical prowess and undeniable wit. Success!

(Note: I apologize on behalf on my poorly constructed "smart person" talk. I just strung a bunch of words I looked up in the thesaurus together in hopes of forming something remotely intellectual-sounding. I don't even know if what I wrote makes any sense.)

Other overused quotes:

"Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?"
"I demand the sum of... ONE MILLION DOLLARS."
"Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?"
"Who throws a shoe? Honestly! You fight like a woman!"
"Zip it!"
"Well, listen up, sonny Jim: I ate a baby. Oh, aye, Baby: the other, other white meat. Baby: it's what's for dinner."
"I'm dead sexy."

3. BORAT

Is your name Sacha Baron Cohen? No?
THEN SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH.

Other overused quotes:

"My name-a Borat. I like you. I like sex. Is nice!"
"I like to make sexy time!"
"This suit is NOT BLACK!"
"Do this have a pussy magnet?"
"What's up with it, vanilla face?"
"Gypsy! Give me your tears! If you will not give them to me, I will take them from you!"

2. NAPOLEON DYNAMITE

This movie could've earned itself a nice little cult following among respectable movie buffs. Instead, thanks to Hot Topic and douchebag teeny boppers, it will forever be known as the film that led to countless beatings on the playgrounds against bandwagon hopping bitches who wore "Vote for Pedro" shirts and would never shut the fuck up about num-chucks and tater tots. If you were one of those kids, kindly fuck off. You're not allowed to read my blog anymore.

No seriously, go away.

Other overused quotes:

"You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills."
"Do the chickens have large talons?"
"Don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day."
"A freakin' 12-gauge, what do you think?"
"A liger. It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed."
"I caught you a delicious bass."

1. 300

It was funny when the trailer came out. It was funny when the movie hit theaters. It was still pretty funny about a month after that. But for fuck's sake, it's been almost a year!

GIVE IT A REST ALREADY. Honestly, this is MADNESS!

(...Don't you dare fucking say it... I will kill you.)

Other overused quotes:

"Tonight, we dine in hell!"
"Give them nothing! But take from them, everything!"
"MORE AGGRESSIVE YELLING. RAWR."

Screw Fox, or: "Sunshine" bombed, and it's all your fault!

2007-07-31T15:05:00.000-07:00

I didn't have expectations for "Sunshine", one of my most awaited movies of the summer, to break any box office records this past weekend. But holy Moses on a pogo stick, I never expected it to do this awful!

Obviously "The Simpsons Movie" was guaranteed to take up a chunk of the box office total, and I'm happy it did so well (while being simultaneously happy that "I Know Who Killed Me" bombed so terribly). But what the fuck? "Sunshine" didn't even make the top ten?!

What is wrong with people??

Or better yet, WHAT IS WRONG WITH FOX?????

Note: You can tell I mean business because I used caps and multiple question marks. I'm fucking hardcore like that.

After a pathetic 10 theater limited opening, and the proceeding (equally pathetic) 400 theater wide release, it seemed the incredibly talented Danny Boyle was getting shunned once again in the U.S. "That's ok," I thought. "After the success of '28 Days Later', he's sure to find an audience. Plus, the film had a kickass trailer, filled with stunning visuals like these..."

C'mon now. That's fucking beautiful. What else do people need? A good story? Yeah, you do?

Read it and weep!

Fifty years from now, the sun is dying, and mankind is dying with it. Our last hope: a spaceship and a crew of eight men and women. They carry a device which will breathe new life into the star. But deep into their voyage, out of radio contact with Earth, their mission is starting to unravel.

Reigniting the goddamn sun. Doesn't get much cooler than that. What, that doesn't satisfy you? You want good actors too?

Baam! You got 'em!

Aside from Cillian Murphy and Chris Evans, you may not be entirely familiar with these actors' work, but I can guarantee you've seen them before (even if you can't pinpoint exactly where). Rest assured, they're very talented.

Not enough for you?

Here. Have some more screenshots.

If you want to be even more impressed, go see the movie. It's one of the best sci-fi flicks since 2001, and has some of the most breathtaking visuals I've ever seen put on film. It's also got about half a dozen thrilling action sequences, so prepare to have your ass kicked all over the theater (in the best way possible).

But whatever you do, DO NOT check out the latest disaster of Fox's marketing campaign. If you've already seen the film, feel free to grimace in disgust at the official "Sunshine" site to see what I'm talking about...
http://www.foxsearchlight.com/sunshine/ (Scroll down a little and look to the left.)

I can't quite explain what I'm so pissed about without spoiling the film, but I guess if you've seen a TV spot or online ad of it recently, you've probably already had the film spoiled for you anyway.

Because apparently, Fox's ingenious scheme behind the movie is to reveal exactly what happens to the characters. That's right, they've actually turned spoiling a film into the marketing for it as well. Harry Potter haters would be proud.

In fact, maybe Warner Bros. will follow suit when releasing The Half-Blood Prince, tagging each trailer with "_____ kills __________!" in huge white text (except replacing the blanks with the actual names, obviously - I think you all know who I'm talking about). That'll teach those fucking moviegoers for paying up their hard-earned cash! The pricks!

So if you were an unfortunate victim of the spoiler-y tactics of Fox's shitty advertising team, I apologize on behalf of them. Don't let it sway you from watching the movie though. Even if you know what happens, the quality of the film is still high enough to overcome whatever those masterminds over at Fox are willing to throw at you.

Well, what are you waiting for? Click HERE to find movie showtimes for "Sunshine" near you!

P.S. Nobody paid me to promote this film. It's just really fucking good.

DVD REVIEW(S): Update #3

2007-07-24T01:29:00.000-07:00

Here's a collection of my latest DVD reviews, the most recent being PERFUME: THE STORY OF A MURDERER, THE ASTRONAUT FARMER, THE LAST MIMZY, and THE MANHATTAN PROJECT (SE)...

You can find the rest of my JoBlo.com reviews at:
joblo.com/reviews_archive.php?mode=joblo_dvds&author=49

And once again, don't forget to check out the rest of my DVD reviews at:
joblo.com/reviews_archive.php?mode=joblo_dvds&author=49

Jason Lee has no shame.

2007-07-13T22:35:00.000-07:00

I thought the original poster was missing something, so I updated it.

REVIEW: License to Wed

2007-07-11T03:56:00.000-07:00

License to Wed
Bad to the point of frustration, the writers of LICENSE TO WED obviously took a course on how to make every character in a film as annoying as humanly possible.

The only person who almost redeems himself is John Krasinksi, but that's down to his credit alone, as the actual character he's stuck with playing is a spineless pathetic loser. Mandy Moore is a good actress, but there's nothing worthwhile about her here. She's a ditzy bore, and the way her character blindly follows everything Williams' asks of the couple is almost obnoxious in its unbelievability. If that weren't enough, the chemistry between the lead characters constantly switches between flat and tense, never once actually showing why the couple make a good match (or why we should care).

As for Robin Williams, I don't even know what to say. If his past acting roles haven't made you dislike the guy's comedy yet, this movie will sure change that. The only person more annoying than him is young Josh Flitter, Williams' boy assistant (quite the bizarre relationship they got going there). This movie delivers excellent evidence for why I ranked Flitter #5 on my list for the Top Ten Most Annoying Kid Actors.

Those looking for some awkwardly hilarious comedy (such as what can be found in "The Office") will be sorely disappointed. Every scenario and gag feels forced to the point of frustration, oftentimes giving you the urge to punch Williams in the face. And before that urge can subside, you'll notice yourself wanting to also punch the other characters too (thanks to the unbelievably poor judgment they exude when forced to respond to Williams asinine tests). Once again, Krasinski almost makes it work... but doesn't.

I'd also discuss the excruciatingly clichéd sentimental bullshit that spews across the screen about two thirds in, but I'm having a hard time doing that while also tying a noose around my neck.

What a lousy fucking movie.

2 out of 10

Movies That Make Me Lose Faith in Humanity

2007-07-07T15:47:00.000-07:00

REVIEW: Transformers

2007-07-03T14:58:00.000-07:00

Transformers
An exhausting but extremely entertaining experience, filled with some absolutely breathtaking action sequences and flawless CGI. The plot is at times beyond stupid, but c'mon, it's "Transformers" - what did you expect? Robots beating the shit out of other robots: this is what I paid to see, and I got it!

Shia LaBeouf is the only non-robot related highlight of the film, which is perfectly fine considering how awesome the robots end up being. He adds heart and emotional investment into a film that otherwise would've been completely soulless. Whenever he was on-screen, I found myself interested and immersed in the goings-ons of the basically worthless story. And then when the Autobots finally join up with him, shit just gets twenty times more entertaining.

I can see a lot of people hating the humor and laughable dialogue, but those things rarely bothered me. The only thing that actually bugged me was the excessive amount of actors who really served no purpose in the film, other than to stuff even more useless plot points into the damn thing. Very unnecessary, and sometimes incredibly annoying (Tyrese and Anthony Anderson come to mind).

Something else that I expect others may not be ready for is just how unbelievably geeky/dorky/campy/cheesy the flick is. Think of it as "The Iron Giant" by way of "Small Soldiers". This goofy quality was something I felt added fully to the experience, as it allowed Michael Bay to stay true to the original "Transformers" style. Non-fans, however, may not be as thrilled by the choice.

That aside, the rest of the movie is just a fucking blast for any and all action lovers out there. The final 30 minutes in particular are just mind-blowingly cool, with sensational robot battles abound. Fun fuckin' times!

8 out of 10

REVIEW: Ratatouille

2007-07-03T14:56:00.000-07:00

Ratatouille
After the major disappointment of "Cars", Pixar comes back in full form with Brad Bird's latest animated masterpiece. Simply put, the man's a genius.

I had no interest in this film originally (other than it being Pixar, and under Bird's name), so it was quite a surprise to find myself as captivated by it as I was. The characters are handled perfectly, and the slapstick humor is executed in fun and creative ways. The picture even manages to include a number of stunning action sequences, proving once and for all that Bird and his team can take even the most tired elements and do something exciting with them.

The film is also refreshingly deep, featuring a combination of mature adult themes and a wonderfully handled message for the younguns (unlike the usual stock messages that most family-oriented films provide).

Like "The Incredibles" and "The Iron Giant" before it (both directed by Bird), there's a balance struck here that allows people of all ages to appreciate what the film has to offer. The kids will love the silly characters, energetic sequences, and goofy gags, while the older audience members can enjoy those very same elements (since they're handled in a way that's not at all condescending), plus much more. In particular, the writing is sensational, adding a non-stop series of hilarious moments to the mix without sacrificing character development or a strong story.

Brad Bird sure knows how to make a classy picture. This is one for the ages.

9 out of 10

REVIEW: Live Free or Die Hard

2007-07-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

Live Free or Die Hard
Mother of God, this movie was a non-stop adrenaline rush of action sequence upon action sequence, and I loved every second of it. I doubt the movie could be any more ridiculous (especially with that hilarious hacking bullshit), but for some reason, I was having so much fun that I didn't care.

Bruce Willis is back in top form as the wise-cracking McClane, laughing off the prospect of death whenever it's near (which is a lot). This guy's no longer just a normal dude who's been thrown into a horrible situation. He's a fucking superhero. The final half hour of this film confirms this, with quite possibly the most over-the-top action sequence I've ever witnessed. But really, you'll have decided way before that point if you're willing to simply have fun and "go with" the outrageousness of what's happening. For me, it was an easy choice.

As far as comic relief goes, there's a lot. I mean, McClane himself is sort of comical character. Justin Long is the contrast to Willis' ass-kickin' character, a terrified hacker who stutters a lot and is completely unready for what's coming his way. I know a lot of people see Long as nothing more than "that annoying Mac guy", but I've always liked him. And here, he plays opposite Willis perfectly. Half way through the film though, Kevin Smith pops up as another comic character. It's a little bit overkill, but then again, so is the rest of the film. If you like Smith (which I totally do), it probably won't bother you too much.

Olyphant doesn't exactly have his work cut out for him when it comes to playing the bad guy, seeing as how it's sort of hard to beat Alan Rickman. Still, he does a decent job holding his own; could've been a bit more menacing though. (Still not sure how he's gonna pull off "Hitman".)

For a PG-13, the violence here was insanely hardcore. The only aspect of the film that felt toned down was the language, which led to some moments of horrendous dubbing (I get the feeling there was a lot of cursing they had to take out). Rest assured though, they'll probably have this fixed up for the unrated cut when the flick hits DVD. And I'll definitely be buying it.

7 out of 10

Top Ten Most Annoying Kid Actors

2007-06-26T12:25:00.000-07:00

For every great child actor out there (such as Freddie Highmore and Josh Hutcherson), there are about twenty others who are just so annoying, you can't help but want to grab the nearest sharp object and jam your eyes out. Or rather, theirs.

Here are my choices for the ten most prime candidates. (And say what you will about Haley Joel Osment, but I actually liked him, so suck on that.)

10. Dakota Fanning

Dakota's only going on this list as a formality, because I know how irritating so many people find her. Even though I do agree she can grate the nerves, at least she knows how to act. Still, with her non-stop whining like a little bitch in the recent Spielberg remake War of the Worlds, and her controversial turn in the movie Hounddog (where she gets pointlessly raped - really now, what the fuck?), I'm putting the bitch on the list just to spite her.

Filmography: I Am Sam, Hide and Seek, Man on Fire, War of the Worlds, Charlotte's Web

9. AnnaSophia Robb

This girl did a great job playing Violet Beauregarde in Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory adaptation. Reason being, the character Violet was an obnoxious little C-U-N-Tuesday. It's just too bad that in Bridge to Terabithia she had a much harder task to accomplish - being likable. I think the fact that I wanted to beat her over the head with a shovel gives a pretty good indication of whether she succeeded or not.

Filmography: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Reaping, Bridge to Terabithia

8. Cameron Bright

This emotionless little peckerwood has been appearing everywhere these past few years, and I think he's doing it just to piss me off. It's almost like a horrible game of Where's Waldo?, where I'll randomly see a movie in theaters only to find his impassive mug staring right back at me. Talk about destroying a movie experience. This kid's fucking duller than Syriana.

Filmography: Godsend, Birth, Thank You for Smoking, Running Scared, Ultraviolet, X-Men: The Last Stand

7. Dylan & Cole Sprouse

Just one movie is all it took to get these annoying twats on the list. It also doesn't help that I recently caught about ten seconds of their show, "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody". Now here's my question: who's fucking bright idea was it to greenlight a show with these conceited and talent-less pricks as the stars? The only thing more disturbing than that is the fact that people actually watch the piece of shit. What is the world coming to?

Filmography: Big Daddy

6. Cayden Boyd

Ever see The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl? No, of course you didn't. But had you, you would've seen the biggest fucking pussy hero ever to grace the silver screen... in 3-D! The good news there is, you can visualize yourself actually chocking the son of a bitch. Which is awesome, because not only is he a complete tool, he's also a terrible actor.

Filmography: The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl, Mystic River, X-Men: The Last Stand

5. Josh Flitter

With his upcoming role as Robin William's sidekick in License to Wed, we're guaranteed to be seeing a lot more of young Josh Flitter. His last name is strangely appropriate, because he's a bit like a flittering pest that just won't go away, no matter how much you swat at it. I'm honestly shocked he's able to keep getting work. Do people actually find him funny? Or are they simply entertained by the fact that he's a chubby little bastard who doesn't quite walk so much as waddle?

Filmography: The Greatest Game Ever Played, Nancy Drew, License to Wed

4. Jake Lloyd

You'd think seeing Darth Vader as a child would be cool... Nope, not with this little bitch mucking it up. I realize George Lucas' scripts don't exactly give the actors much to work with, but for fuck's sake, this kid can't even put one foot in front of the other without making it look like he's been asked to act out a 15-minute monologue. Did you see him during the fucking pod race? I couldn't tell whether he was distraught, or if he had to take a shit.

Filmography: Jingle All the Way, Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

3. David Dorfman

As if he wasn't annoying enough in the first Ring, he had to double it up for the sequel. They really should've had a ten-minute sequence with Naomi Watts just slapping the shit out of the disrespectful twat. At least then it wouldn't have been a complete and utter waste of 2 hours. But, as irritating as he is, he did do a decent job with his performance as the hideously ugly and weird half-retarded bastard child in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. Props for that one.

Filmography: The Ring, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Ring Two

2. Spencer Breslin

If somebody made a movie that consisted of nothing other than Spencer Breslin getting shoved down a hill, followed by him attempting to hurdle his fat ass back up, only to get pushed back down again, I'd totally pay to see it. This kid's the epitome of "annoying fatass". Every time he spews out a line, he speaks like he just got finished choking down another Big Mac. I'm guessing that when God made him, he was probably going for "goofy and cute," but instead ended up with, "OH HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?"

Filmography: The Kid, The Santa Clause 2, The Cat in the Hat, Zoom

1. Jonathan Lipnicki

I would never hit a kid... with the exception of this one. Granted, he's a lot older now, but it's a nothing Christopher Lloyd and a DeLorean can't fix. If I could, I'd go back to when Jerry Maguire was being filmed, and I'd just roundhouse kick the little fucker right in the face. Then I'd stare him straight in eyes and say in the most sincere voice possible, "Tom Cruise is going to rape you while you're sleeping."

Harsh, I know, but what can I say? I'm an asshole.

Filmography: Jerry Maguire, Stuart Little, The Little Vampire, Like Mike

Who's Your Caddy: Setting Back Society A Hundred Years

2007-06-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

Let me get this straight... This movie features loud-mouth black people and pompous rich white guys duking it out over a golf club membership? OH, THE HILARITY!

And hey, be sure to check out the laugh riot trailer at Yahoo! Movies.

But just in case you aren't able to appreciate all of the clever jokes and subtle nuances, here's a sampling of this movie's apparent genius...

I don't think I've ever seen a trailer that made me contemplate suicide more than this one. It's practically a parody it's so bad.

Worse yet, the pathetically stereotypical "culture clash for the sake of comedy" premise has been dragged into the ground and stomped on repeatedly, but for some reason they're still using it in about a dozen films every year.

The only thing more annoying than this tired formula is when movies have old white women talking/acting like they're from the ghetto (which wasn't shown in this trailer, but I can almost guarantee they'll have in the actual film). It may have been funny in AIRPLANE! (since they actually did something clever with the gag), but it hasn't been since.

Seriously Hollywood, FUCKING STOP IT. I haven't even seen the film, and already my brain cells are dying.

And on that note, I'd like to offer up my thoughts on a more appropriate title for the film (not that WHO'S YOUR CADDY isn't a stroke of genius)...

Evan Baxter is racist.

2007-06-19T17:46:00.000-07:00

Haiku Movie Review: Fantastic Four 2

2007-06-19T01:05:00.000-07:00

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

People said it sucked,
But I actually liked it,
I must be stupid.

Full review to come soon!

Blatant DVD Cover Rip-Off

2007-06-17T15:00:00.000-07:00

This has happened before. Some crappy little studio pumping out straight-to-DVD movies finds a cover they like, and then rips off the design.

But damn, this is just sad. It's exactly the same cover, from the scratches on the title down to the burning of the sepia tone colored background.

Thanks to Brett Arnold for pointing this thievery out to me.

MOVIE REVIEW(S): Ocean's 13, Hostel: Part II, Knocked Up, and more...

2007-06-09T14:07:00.000-07:00

Here are a bunch of quick reviews for: Ocean's Thirteen, Hostel: Part II, Knocked Up, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, and Shrek the Third.

Ocean's 13
What the hell is with the positive reviews for this film?

I loved the first, disliked the second, and was deeply hoping the third would bring back memories of the former instead of the latter...

Instead, I had to endure a tedious, unfunny, meandering, and anticlimactic non-heist film. It was mildly entertaining in spurts (due to the stylish direction and awesome actors), but the whole thing felt so damn pointless.

I call it a "non-heist" film because the characters aren't really doing anything. Everything feels so trivial. Of course, they make the non-heist as complicated as humanly possible, but it's all build-up and no payoff. The first half of the film consists of them basically making sure the asshole casino owner (played rather plainly by Al Pacino) doesn't receive his 5 diamond ranking for the hotel. In other words, they went from knocking over multiple casinos and stealing millions of dollars to making sure a hotel judge has a horrible stay at the casino he's grading. What devious masterminds!

Things do become a bit more interesting later on (the rigging of the dice was amusing), but it feels like the group is trying so hard to pull off this "amazing caper" simply to screw over a guy we don't really care about. The gang seems to be investing an unlimited amount of time, effort, manpower, and money to pull off the supposed impossible, but without ever once having an understandable reason to do so. Maybe it's out of boredom.

Also, the way they've incorporated all the characters feels very forced. They don't need 13 people for this, but they make sure everybody gets something to do, even if it means having to come up with a completely random and pointless set of gags and/or stunts.

I hear in the next Ocean's movie, Danny's going to call up the guys to accomplish the biggest task of all... cleaning his pool. It may not sound exciting, but don't worry, they're going to make up for the lack of ingenuity by incorporating plenty of snappy back-and-forth dialogue and a non-stop series of complications that the gang somehow overcome ("Oh no, the filter's clogged! There's no way we can fix this thing! It's impossible! Unless... Do you think we need one more guy? *cue entrance of Clive Owen*").

Ugh. What a perfect continuation for the summer of disappointing threequels.

5 out of 10

---------------------------

Hostel: Part II
Damn, this movie sucked something fierce.

To summarize: it's basically a retread of the first film, except done worse.

The opening segment (involving Jay Hernandez from the first film) was incredibly disappointing, and completely destroyed the one thing I loved about the original (that the victim got payback). All of the characters (except for the actual leading female) are awful and annoying. The gore felt almost ludicrously over-the-top, bringing to mind the hilarity of Roth's "Thanksgiving" trailer from GRINDHOUSE.

The only thing I liked was the brief look into the actual business being run. The two "customers" being focused on probably could've been more interesting (like that creepy dude who was interested in surgery from the first film), but I liked how things played out in the end. Well, kind of. The movie seemed to end rather abruptly, and it's during that cut-off that things were finally getting good.

I originally gave the first movie a 7/10 in theaters, but on DVD I found it lost a lot of its impact (thus dropping to a 6/10). This sequel, on the other hand, is inferior in almost every way to its predecessor (and I haven't even watched it on DVD yet).

4 out of 10

---------------------------

Knocked Up
This movie is one of the funniest and most relateable movies I've ever seen. It's complete perfection in every way.

The script feels like it was tailor-made for me. Some of the conversations here were almost exact replicas of those that I've had with my friends (such as the discussion about Munich). Granted, their conversations are a helluva lot funnier than mine.

As far as acting goes, Seth Rogen is hilarious as the amiable slob, and Katherine Heigl is surprisingly wonderful as the out-of-his-league hottie who gets (as the title implies) knocked up. She's definitely more than just a hot piece of ass (although she's obviously that, too). Rogen's group of friends are also very funny (albeit gross and obnoxious), as is the oh-so-charismatic Paul Rudd as Heigl's sister's husband. These are easily the most entertaining cast of characters to come together in a film for a very long time.

I also appreciated how the movie avoided overly slapstick gags, and just stuck to having extremely clever (and believable) dialogue. It gave the story a free-flowing and natural feel, something that made buying into the proceedings all the easier.

Simply put, I think this film could become one of my all-time favorites (and it's already a guaranteed front-runner for my top 10 of 2007). Another comedy classic from director Judd Apatow. It's funny as hell, but it also has heart. More movies should strive to be like Knocked Up.

9 out of 10

---------------------------

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Brilliant visuals/cinematography, excellent music, and sensationally epic filmmaking... compiled with an overly convoluted plot that continually drags, while only sporadically enticing.

They should've just made one sequel and cut out half of the unnecessary bullshit subplots.

And that's that on that; I have nothing left to say.

6 out of 10

---------------------------

Shrek the Third
Occasionally funny, but surprisingly bland sequel. It was made simply to milk the franchise, not because it had a worthwhile story to tell. The CGI looks the best it ever has (is that even a shock?), but the rest of the production feels tired and lazy. The once hilarious characters have now become annoying. I will say though, Antonio Banderas manages to come out unscathed by keeping intact the amusing fervor of Puss-in-Boots.

Honestly, Shrek could've killed everybody in Far Far Away, followed by committing a horribly graphic suicide, and I still wouldn't have cared. In fact, that might've been a better ending. At least then we could be rest assured that this franchise would be officially dead.

Easily the worst of the three.

5 out of 10

You can find my thoughts on other movies through my Flixster account, here:
quigles.flixster.com

INTERVIEWS: Surf's Up

2007-06-08T12:47:00.000-07:00

Here are my interviews (from Hawaii) with Shia LaBeouf, Jon Heder, Jeff Bridges, co-director Chris Buck, co-director Ash Brannon, and producer Chris Jenkins from the Surf's Up junket.
www.joblo.com/interview-labeoufheder

You guys having fun in Hawaii?

Heder: It's great here, huh? I'm not complaining.

LaBeouf: Me either. Anyway, Jon you have some slick pants, buddy!

Heder: Hey, I'm just being professional. No, I'm doing the Hawaiian thing man.

LaBeouf: Yeah, I know. I'm a loser. I didn't pack well.

With 'Surfs' Up,' you actually worked together in the studio. How was that experience different from the other voiceover work you've done?

Heder: I did one voice on another movie, 'Monster House' and even then I've never done a normal voice over, because that was all motion capture. So, that was like shooting a film. We had props and everything. On this, we had the little music stand with our dialogue and stuff, but it was kind of in a big open room. I have a couple of scenes with Shia and then one with Zooey [Deschanel] and it was kind of cool and different because it was interactive. We would actually wrestle and move around and that helped a lot.

LaBeouf: The only cartoon I've done was the 'Naushika' translation [Hayao Miyazaki's Nausicaä of the Valley of the Winds] and you had to stick to script a lot of the time. And when you have a lot of the actors in the room, you get to adlib and [the directors] would encourage it, because it was 'reality show' live. So, the cadence was different. It's not like the "bah dah dah, tsssh" joke. It's more 'Spinal Tap-y.' There are these little intricate moments that you get when you get the other actors there. Noises you wouldn't write down on a piece of paper in scripted form. So, it was great that we were encouraged to do it and that Sony let them encourage us to do it. So, we were in a really good environment for something like this.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-labeoufheder
---------------------------
www.joblo.com/interview-jeff-bridges

We see some parallels to The Dude here.

[Laughs] Well, The Dude does weed. Big Z's into clams.

What about the character appealed to you most?

Gee, you know, what really got me on board was this whole surfing aspect of things and how well they pulled the water element of this film off. I said, "They're going to do a surfing movie, how are the waves going to look? Is it going to be almost like a photograph?" Then they started to show me some of the footage they had worked on. Being a surfer myself, it was a thrill to be able to be a part of bringing to the audience what that feels like to be locked in the tube.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-jeff-bridges
---------------------------
www.joblo.com/interview-brannonbuck

What came first – the story, or the style?

Buck: The story. The story always comes first. Then the next step is to make sure we could create waves that were believable enough to carry the story.

Jenkins: We knew we were going to have to do skateboarding penguins if we couldn't get the waves. We did an early test with our vis-dev [visual development] department and we really didn't know if it could be done. We weren't asking our animators to put something on a wave but inside a wave. We knew that would be a central element to the story.

Who came up with the documentary angle?

Brannon: It was Chris' idea to do the story.

Jenkins: We wanted characters to do interviews with an improvisation style, hand-held camera. But what happened was – Sony , early on, had a surfing penguin movie that wasn't working. It went on the shelf; they put it away. I thought there was something kind of cool about it and came back with the documentary/reality-angle. Surfers seem to spend a lot of time doing documentaries on themselves so we should do it, embrace it and do a full-length narrative like 'Spinal Tap.'

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-brannonbuck

MOVIE REVIEW: Surf's Up

2007-06-07T03:00:00.000-07:00

Surf's Up
I have to admit, when I first heard the premise of SURF'S UP (surfing penguins? really?), the stupidity of it almost gave me a migraine. But I guess if Hollywood can get away with tap dancing penguins (*cough* HAPPY FEET *cough*), they can get away with anything.

Unlike HAPPY FEET though, at least the filmmakers behind SURF'S UP seem to be perfectly aware of how ridiculous their storyline is. During the opening sequence, there's a montage of historical artwork and archival footage that demonstrates the evolution of "penguin surfing" throughout time. It's a scene that will probably leave children blank-faced, but will have adults in stitches.

The movie continues forward with the documentary angle, seemingly poking brief fun at MARCH OF THE PENGUINS, and then ultimately moving forward into more MTV territory, riffing on rock music-filled surfing documentaries. To say the film's a mockumentary would be accurate, but a better description would be calling it a feature length version of the faux bloopers as seen in many of the Pixar films. In terms of laughs, it meets up to that standard as well. When the actual storyline kicks in, however, that's when the problems start.

The documentary gimmick makes the first half of the movie fun and interesting, but it's not exactly compelling enough in the way a family film should be. Because of this, the movie eventually downplays the documentary angle to make way for the story. Unfortunately, the plot is exactly as generic and bland as every other underdog tale that Hollywood keeps crapping out. You've got your stock love interest (voiced by Zooey Deschanel), your stock villain (voiced by Diedrich Bader, who admittedly gets a couple of hilarious moments), your stock dopey sidekick (voiced by Jon Heder), and your stock mentor (voiced by Jeff Bridged) who needs to teach our stock protagonist (voiced by Shia LaBeouf) a thing or two about stock Hollywood messages. (Yeah, stock. Rhymes with cock. Remember that; it's what this movie's story sucks.)

Regardless of this, kids should still have a blast with the many goofy characters being tossed onto the screen (there's a tiny twittering bird voiced by Mario Cantone, an in-your-face show announcer voiced by James Woods, a bunch of funny children penguins, etc.). The only disappointment in the character department concerns Chicken Joe. In a movie where every character is comical, you'd think the actual designated comic relief would be a lot funnier. Instead, he feels more like filler – just an instigator of a bunch of random silly gags used to stretch out the running time (none of which are particularly funny, or even unfunny for that matter).

Meanwhile, the standout character is the one that should've been the least interesting – Shia's large laidback mentor. But thanks to perfect voice acting by Jeff Bridges (in Dude-mode), he ends up being the only one with any real heart. And truth be told, that's something noticeable lacking in the rest of the film.

The filmmakers were apparently too busy creating a lush tropical paradise and beautiful CGI waves to bother with giving their film a soul. Who needs a soul though, when you have animation that looks this good? You probably can't tell from the trailer, but the CGI here is outstanding. Certain aspects are much more cartoony than, say, the photo realistic approach to HAPPY FEET, but it still looks amazing in its own right. Then again, having amazing visuals in a computer generated film seems almost like a given by this point. It's actually more rare to have a CGI film that looks bad.

At least the film's got the humor down pat as well, with everything being consistently funny and oftentimes hilarious. When the movie isn't busy giving adults something clever/cute/fun to enjoy, it makes sure to keep the kids laughing with your standard array of fart and feces humor (at one point even involving an entire pool of glow-worm poo). Those gags had me rolling my eyes, but I was grateful that the filmmakers didn't rely on mindless pop culture references. I think we've seen enough of that from the SHREK films.

The overall experience of SURF'S UP may not be one of complete satisfaction (due to the unbearably clichéd story), but thanks to its numerous hilarious moments and fun documentary gimmick, it still manages to beat out a lot of the other non-Pixar CGI films. That's perfectly good enough for me.

6 out of 10

You can find my thoughts on other movies through my Flixster account, here:
quigles.flixster.com

I Am Legend Poster... Look Familiar?

2007-06-07T01:26:00.000-07:00

ComingSoon.net recently unveiled the new poster for Will Smith's upcoming action epic, I Am Legend.

Look familiar? It should.

When is Hollywood gonna learn, using EXTENSIVE AMOUNTS OF GIANT TEXT is not the way to sell a product. It looks boring, desperate, and intrusive.

The Top 25 Movies You've Never Seen

2007-06-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

This list was compiled in retaliation to the one featured on Movies.com. Sure, theirs features a couple of worthwhile gems, but I really don't think movies like Bubble Boy and The Ringer qualify. So with that said, I've made available below my picks for The REAL Top 25 Movies You've Never Seen. Think of it is as a list depicting movies that deserved more recognition from mainstream audiences, but unfortunately didn't get it.

Depending on how much of a movie buff you are, you may or may not have seen many of these. You can gauge your status by whether the "odds that you've seen it" meter ranks in at low, medium, or high. The more movies you've seen, the cooler you are. Oh I'm sorry, did I say cooler? I meant geekier.

25. FEAST

Genre... Horror, Comedy
Odds that you've seen it... Low
What it's about... Patrons locked inside of a bar contend with violent and grotesque monsters.
Why you should see it... This Project Greenlight production deserved a much better treatment than what it was given. It's a riotous and gory comedy that flips the horror genre on its head. Certainly there are people who will argue about how awful it is (due to the lighting, shaky camera work, B-movie acting, etc.), but those people are full of shit. If all you care about is having one helluva time while watching your over-the-top horror films, then pick this up whenever you get a chance. And if that doesn't convince you, maybe the fact that you see monsters doing it doggy style will.
Familiar faces... Jason Mewes - plays Jay in most of Kevin Smith's movies (such as Clerks. and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back).

Trailer Link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=dyAJ2wpqn-s

24. THE DANGEROUS LIVES OF ALTAR BOYS

Genre... Drama
Odds that you've seen it... Low
What it's about... A group of Catholic school friends plan a heist that will make them local legends.
Why you should see it... It's a heartfelt, believable, and oftentimes humorous look into life as a Catholic teenager. Winning performances from the two leads make this a movie worth checking out, and the opening scene is simply terrific (the ending... not so much).
Familiar faces... Emile Hirsch - starred in The Girl Next Door and Alpha Dog, Kieran Culkin - starred in Igby Goes Down

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWtJpUCxU4Y

23. NARC

Genre... Crime, Thriller, Drama
Odds that you've seen it... Medium
What it's about... When the trail goes cold on a murder investigation of a policeman an undercover narcotics officer is lured back to the force to help solve the case.
Why you should see it... Carnahan injects this film with a gritty realism, perfectly complementing his brutal yet witty script. It's dramatic enough to be emotionally satisfying, and action-packed enough to keep genre fans salivating. A great cop drama.
Familiar faces... Jason Patric - starred in The Lost Boys, Ray Liotta - starred in Goodfellas, writer/director Joe Carnahan - recently made Smokin' Aces

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QKmsmjlSyc

22. THE CHUMSCRUBBER

Genre... Drama, Comedy, Thriller
Odds that you've seen it... Low
What it's about... In upper-class suburbia, a teenager is told by a group of drug dealers to get his dead best friend's stash, or else they're going to kill his kidnapped brother.
Why you should see it... It's a dark satire set in dysfunctional suburbia. OK, so that in itself doesn't sound too original, but the film has refreshingly derisive humor and writing that easily help to make it worth your while. Think of it like a mix of American Beauty and Donnie Darko.
Familiar faces... Jamie Bell - starred in Billy Elliot, Camilla Belle - starred in When a Stranger Calls, Glenn Close - starred in Fatal Attraction and Dangerous Liaisons, Ralph Fiennes - starred in Quiz Show and The Constant Gardener, Carrie-Anne Moss - played Trinity in The Matrix trilogy

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6g2JLfH9vA

21. BUBBA HO-TEP

Genre... Horror, Comedy
Odds that you've seen it... Medium
What it's about... Elvis and JFK, both alive and in nursing homes, fight for the souls of their fellow residents as they battle an ancient Egyptian Mummy.
Why you should see it... Because Bruce Campbell is one of the greatest and coolest B-movie actors of our time. And c'mon, did you read that plot synopsis?
Familiar faces... Bruce Campbell - starred as Ash in the Evil Deal trilogy

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWa04UhD87o

20. BRICK

Genre... Crime, Drama, Mystery
Odds that you've seen it... Medium
What it's about... A teenage loner pushes his way into the underworld of a high school crime ring to investigate the disappearance of his ex-girlfriend.
Why you should see it... This film noir take on contemporary high school features some hilarious snappy dialogue and fantastic cinematography. Some of the plot points don't always gel, but the movie's originality is endearing enough to overlook such problems.
Familiar faces... Joseph Gordon-Levitt - starred in the TV show 3rd Rock from the Sun, Emilie de Ravin - starred in The Hills Have Eyes remake and plays Claire on the TV show Lost

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEi9U1kOxGY

19. SAVE THE GREEN PLANET

Genre... Comedy, Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller, Foreign
Odds that you've seen it... Low
What it's about... Believing that the world is on the verge of a horrible invasion, a possibly insane man kidnaps his "alien" boss with hopes of saving the world.
Why you should see it... This twisted and insanely goofy picture is a million genres in one; part dark comedy, part thriller, part sci-fi, part slapstick, and part horror torture-fest. It's so blatantly "out there" that you can't help but have fun with it. It's a B-movie tribute that's sure to delight anybody with a penchant for weirdness.

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NLbDgyMusk

18. RUNNING SCARED

Genre... Action, Crime, Thriller
Odds that you've seen it... High
What it's about... A young boy steals a gun that was previously used to kill a dirty cop, and shoots his father with it. The person responsible for disposing of the gun is offered only one way out: get the gun back before the cops do, and kill the boy.
Why you should see it... This hyper-violent and gritty thriller was one of most disappointingly overlooked movies of 2006. It's loaded with over-the-top gratuity and non-stop ass-kickery, mish-mashing a twisted fairy tale with various aspects of the crime genre. Even Paul Walker impresses, shocking as that may be.
Familiar faces... Paul Walker - starred in The Fast and the Furious, Cameron Bright - the emotionless kid from Godsend and Birth, Vera Farmiga - played the hottie love interest in The Departed

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGSzKDMNFow

17. THE RULES OF ATTRACTION

Genre... Comedy, Drama, Romance
Odds that you've seen it... Medium
What it's about... The incredibly spoiled students of Camden College are a backdrop for an unusual love triangle between a drug dealer, a virgin and a bisexual classmate.
Why you should see it... It's visually one of the most interestingly directed films ever made, playing with some very effective split-screen and time-reversal techniques. The story itself is also interesting, and the performances are solid. If you're looking for a twisted tale about the self-inflicted hardships of college life, this is for you.
Familiar faces... James Van Der Beek - played Dawson on the TV show Dawson's Creek, Ian Somerhalder - played Boone on the TV show Lost, Kate Bosworth - played Lois in Superman Returns, Jessica Biel - is really fucking hot

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byeiYY5e5f8

16. ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW

Genre... Comedy, Drama
Odds that you've seen it... Low
What it's about... A lonesome shoe salesman and an eccentric performance artist struggle to make a connection.
Why you should see it... It's another delightfully weird film, this one probably being even more peculiar than those previously mentioned. The film has a colorful and artsy appeal to it, but it also contains plenty of explicit sexual content. The harsh contrast is surprisingly refreshing.

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qko1DbEMZQ

15. THUMBSUCKER

Genre... Comedy, Drama
Odds that you've seen it... Low
What it's about... A teenage boy attempts to break free from his fixated addiction to suck his thumb.
Why you should see it... It contains one of the most impressive young acting performances ever seen on film (by newcomer Lou Taylor Pucci), and delivers a thoughtful and well-realized look into the difficulties of adolescence. It also explores people's constant desire for addiction. This is a coming-of-age story with bite.
Familiar faces... Vince Vaughn - starred in Wedding Crashers, Vincent D'Onofrio - played the killer in The Cell, Keanu Reeves - starred in The Matrix trilogy

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9GXKQbTeNM

14. PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE

Genre... Drama, Romance
Odds that you've seen it... Medium
What it's about... A quiet and lonely small-business owner falls in love with a mysterious woman.
Why you should see it... It's a beautifully shot and musically stimulating experience that will amaze your senses. The film is nothing short of bizarre, but it has a bleakly colorful style that's both charming and original. It also features Adam Sandler in his best acting role to date.
Familiar faces... Adam Sandler - starred in Anger Management and Click, Philip Seymour Hoffman - starred in Capote and played the villain in Mission: Impossible III, director Paul Thomas Anderson - made Magnolia and Boogie Nights

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNeZi1y_v88

13. THE SQUID AND THE WHALE

Genre... Comedy, Drama
Odds that you've seen it... Low
What it's about... Two young boys attempt to deal with their parent's divorce in Brooklyn.
Why you should see it... It's a touching and realistic tale of family life and the problems that come with it. Everything about the movie feels sincere, from the writing to the acting. Think of it like a Wes Anderson film, except more adult, and with less "goofy" appeal.
Familiar faces... Jeff Daniels - starred opposite Jim Carrey in Dumb & Dumber, Laura Linney - also starred opposite Jim Carrey in The Truman Show (as his wife), Anna Paquin - played Rogue in the X-Men movies

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfdrJ0wHUGw

12. THE TRIPLETS OF BELLEVILLE

Genre... Comedy, Adventure, Foreign
Odds that you've seen it... Low
What it's about... A grandmother teams up with an old song-and-dance trio to help rescue her grandson, who was kidnapped during the Tour de France.
Why you should see it... It's a bizarre story told with plenty of heart, gorgeous animation, and wonderful music, but almost no dialogue. French animation at its finest.

(The trailer wasn't available on YouTube, so here's the movie's opening prologue. Don't worry; the rest of the movie is very vibrant and colorful... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDsIUmJoD68)

11. HARD CANDY

Genre... Thriller, Drama
Odds that you've seen it... High
What it's about... A 14 year old girl uses herself as bait for a pedophile, ready to expose his lies and screw with his mind.
Why you should see it... It's a sadistic thriller (with masterful cinematography) set almost entirely in or around one house with two actors playing a game of cat-and-mouse. Ellen Page does a phenomenal job making her character as believable as possible, and the movie manages to play with your mind. You want to see the sick pedophile get tortured, but the movie makes you realize how sick that is in itself.
Familiar faces... Patrick Wilson - starred in Little Children, Ellen Page - played Kitty Pryde in X3, Sandra Oh - from Sideways

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOYl7voMc2c

10. THE DEVIL'S BACKBONE

Genre... Horror, Fantasy, Foreign
Odds that you've seen it... Low
What it's about... A young boy who is left at an orphanage in the middle of nowhere is faced with the presence of a former occupant's ghost.
Why you should see it... It's the first of Guillermo del Toro's Spanish Civil War-based trilogy, featuring an intense ghost story that avoids the standard clichés of the genre (while also adding an interesting layer of political depth). A brilliantly crafted picture.
Familiar faces... Director Guillermo del Toro - made Hellboy and Pan's Labyrinth

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHm_Me0CDC0

9. PRINCESS MONONOKE

Genre... Action, Fantasy, Anime
Odds that you've seen it... High
What it's about... A prince infected with a strange disease heads far east in hopes of finding a cure, but instead finds himself in the middle of a war between the animal inhabitants of the forest and a mining colony.
Why you should see it... It's a beautifully animated and shockingly gory film that indulges itself in all the best aspects of anime. The movie's complex without being convoluted, and poignant without being forced. A stunning achievement, and an epic fantasy adventure.
Familiar faces... Director Hayao Miyazaki - made Spirited Away

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkWWWKKA8jY

8. FRAILTY

Genre... Horror, Thriller
Odds that you've seen it... Medium
What it's about... A religious fanatic father tells his two kids that he must do God's will and murder people to dispose of the "demons" that occupy them.
Why you should see it... It's a claustrophobic and disturbing Southern Gothic thriller that's exactly as effective as you'd hope it would be. It manages to be scary and shocking without resorting to absurd amounts of gore and jump-scares.
Familiar faces... Director/actor Bill Paxton - starred in Apollo 13 and Twister, Matthew McConaughey - from Sahara and Two for the Money

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kQOaRb-aZ4

7. LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS

Genre... Comedy, Crime, Thriller
Odds that you've seen it... High
What it's about... After things go wrong in a high stakes card game, four London working class stiffs are forced to come up with half a million pounds in one week.
Why you should see it... This is the somewhat lesser known companion piece to Guy Ritchie's Snatch, and it's almost as good. It's a gritty crime-filled black comedy with a killer script, stylish direction, and excellent performances. No one does it better than Ritchie (...too bad he married Madonna).
Familiar faces... Director Guy Ritchie - made Snatch, Jason Statham - starred in The Transporter movies

(For some odd reason, the trailer wasn't available on YouTube. Click on THIS LINK to watch it elsewhere.)

6. THE CITY OF LOST CHILDREN

Genre... Adventure, Fantasy, Foreign
Odds that you've seen it... Low
What it's about... Fuck if I know. Something about a scientist stealing children's dreams to stop him from aging.
Why you should see it... The movie transports you into its warped yet engrossing fairy-tale world, populated by Cyclops men, kidnapped children, nasty insects, deep-sea divers, and clones. It's a haunting and undeniably original tale of evil, innocence and redemption.
Familiar faces... Ron Perlman - played Hellboy

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNYG9cXTSds

5. THE HOST

Genre... Action, Comedy, Horror, Foreign
Odds that you've seen it... Low
What it's about... Along with the rest of his family, a father attempts to save his daughter who has been captured by a chemical-created mutant creature.
Why you should see it... If you were to take a big Hollywood blockbuster like Godzilla, mix it with Little Miss Sunshine, and blend it in with lots of Korean culture, you might get something like The Host... but probably not nearly as good. It's powerful, heartfelt, intense, and beautiful. All of that from a monster movie? You better believe it.

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJnq9sm4Zxk

4. SYMPATHY FOR MR. VENGEANCE

Genre... Crime, Drama, Thriller, Foreign
Odds that you've seen it... Low
What it's about... A deaf man attempts to get his sister a kidney transplant by kidnapping his daughter's boss. But when things go horribly wrong, the two men find themselves stuck in a cycle of violence and revenge.
Why you should see it... It's part two of Chan-wook Park's "revenge trilogy" (which includes the brilliant Oldboy, a movie that might've made this list had it not developed such a prominent fanbase). The film is a bleak, hardcore masterpiece of cinema, illustrating through two men the chaos that can ensue when you become consumed by vengeance.
Familiar faces... Writer/director Chan-wook Park - also made Oldboy

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TT6EJDE_5MU

3. KISS KISS BANG BANG

Genre... Action, Comedy
Odds that you've seen it... High
What it's about... A thief pretends to be an actor studying for a part in a film, and soon finds himself dealing with murders and murderers.
Why you should see it... It's an incredibly amusing (and sadly overlooked) take-off on the murder mystery genre, perfectly lampooning the standard clichés you so often tend to see in Hollywood productions. The writing is exceptional, with the slick direction and top-notch performances perfectly complementing the script. Plus, it's got Val Kilmer playing a hilarious gay detective. Priceless.
Familiar faces... Robert Downey Jr., Val Kilmer, writer/director Shane Black - also wrote Lethal Weapon and The Last Boy Scout

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PigmRzFpU7I

2. CITY OF GOD

Genre... Crime, Drama, Foreign
Odds that you've seen it... Medium
What it's about... The intersecting lives of teenagers forced to grow up in the violence-filled world of Brazil.
Why you should see it... It's an intense and emotionally gripping piece of cinema. The direction is especially stunning and beautiful, adding a visual sensation to the heart-stopping story. A near-flawless masterpiece.
Familiar faces... Director Fernando Meirelles - also made The Constant Gardener

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSu4Xg4neTk

1. BATTLE ROYALE

Genre... Action, Thriller, Foreign
Odds that you've seen it... Medium
What it's about... A group of 42 ninth-grade students are captured by the government and forced to kill each other until there's only one left standing.
Why you should see it... It's one of the craziest, coolest, most outrageous movies ever made, and it's done with a searing sense of dark comedy. The non-stop action is vicious and exciting, but there's also a political message underneath the shocking amounts of gore. Seeing teens kill each other has never been so much fun.
Familiar faces... Takeshi Kitano - appeared in Johnny Mnemonic and played Zatoichi in The Blind Swordsman

Trailer Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-T7yPJVvXw

RUNNER-UPS:

PI -- The director of Requiem for a Dream made this solid black-and-white thriller about obsession, patterns, mysteries, hallucinations, and math. A little too "student film" and arthouse for my taste, but a very strong first effort.
ELECTION -- A hilarious dark comedy starring Matthew Broderick and Reese Witherspoon as a teacher and student who get a little too wrapped up during a high school election. This is a "small" film, but one that's highly entertaining.
FUNNY GAMES -- Another thriller from Michael Haneke (of Caché), this time about a family held hostage that's being forced to play twisted, life-threatening games. This is one of the few movies I've seen where breaking the fourth wall actually works well.
THE COOLER -- William H. Macy plays a man who's made a career out of spreading bad-luck in a casino, but things snap into reverse when he falls in love with a cocktail waitress (to his boss' chagrin). This great little romantic-dramedy is made by pre-Running Scared director Wayne Kramer.
THE MATADOR -- Pierce Brosnan plays a lonely hitman who strikes up a friendship with a distraught businessman, played by Greg Kinnear. This bizarre comedy was one of 2005's most unfortunately overlooked gems.
BAD TASTE -- This low budget and incredibly gory horror-comedy marked Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson's first film. It's not exactly highbrow, but it's great disgusting fun.
THE HITCHER -- Recently remade by producer Michael Bay, this quietly terrifying thriller features Rutger Hauer as a psychopath stalking a man driving to California. Parts of the movie are a little over-the-top, but it's always highly entertaining.

NOTE: Just to give credit where it's due, many of the plot outlines have been paraphrased from IMDB.

MOVIE REVIEW: Heartbreak Kid

2007-06-01T00:39:00.000-07:00

Just to preface, the movie at hand is is a remake of the 1972 movie THE HEARTBREAK KID of the same name. It's directed by the Farrelly brothers (of THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY and DUMB AND DUMBER fame), and stars Ben Stiller and Michelle Monaghan. Its current release date is set at October 5, 2007. Obviously, this is a *very* early review.

You can check out the newly released trailer at Yahoo! by clicking HERE.

The Heartbreak Kid

PLOT: After rushing into a marriage with the "woman of his dreams," Eddie Cantrow (Ben Stiller) quickly realizes the mistake he's made when his new wife turns out to be a complete psycho-bitch (and during their honeymoon in Mexico no less). Meanwhile, he finds himself falling for another woman (Michelle Monaghan) who's staying at the same resort, only further complicating his already perplexing situation.

REVIEW: If you asked me seven years ago what I thought of the Farrelly brothers, I would've told you I was a major fan. If you had asked me that same question moments before seeing this movie, I would've told you to leave me alone because I was busy preparing myself for sitting through another probable shitfest. Yes, it seemed likely that, after suffering through many a mediocre comedy from them (OSMOSIS JONES, SHALLOW HAL, FEVER PITCH), the once hilarious directing duo would probably never return to their riotous roots. But lo and behold, a movie that brings hope. Not greatness, mind you. Just hope... Wonderful, gratuitous, sex-filled, R-rated hope.

There are two ingredients that make this film work as well as it does, and neither of them involves Ben Stiller (who, while good, is still bordering that line between annoying and likable). No, the two things that make this work are its wonderful lead actresses, Malin Akerman and Michelle Monaghan. You might remember Akerman as the super-hot wife of Freakshow in the movie HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE. She was the one who showed her tits. (Yeah, now you remember.) Well good news, boys and, er, other boys – the lovely lady once again shows the goods, and at one point, even drops her panties to give you an eyeful of something more (although it's not quite as pleasant as it sounds).

But as good of news as that may be, the even better news (depending on your priorities) is that Akerman is as great an actress as she is hot. I haven't seen someone play crazy this well since Isla Fisher starred as that redheaded nutcase in WEDDING CRASHERS. Just about all the movie's laugh-out-loud moments come courtesy of her. And seeing as how it's her hilarious antics that are going to help this film sell, I can guarantee the theatrical trailer will consist almost entirely of Ben Stiller's new wife annoying the crap out of him. Prepare to see many a clip of Mrs. Psycho incessantly singing off-key to the car radio. (Thankfully, due to its content, the movie's most hilarious sequence is one they'll never show in the trailer. I'll give you a hint... It involves Stiller's new wife being shockingly experienced in the sack. Upon the film's release, expect the line "Cock me!" to be embedded in the minds of teen boys everywhere.)

As I mentioned earlier, the next great piece of the puzzle is Michelle Monaghan (the babe from KISS KISS BANG BANG and M:I:III). In another actress's hands, Stiller's scenes with this character probably would have come off as awkward and forced. But with Monaghan as the movie's leading female presence (that isn't a psychopath, that is), the movie ends up working surprisingly well as a romantic comedy. Not too romantic, of course, but enough to show a sweeter and more pleasant side to all the crazy antics with Stiller's loony of a wife. The only thing that puts a damper on these scenes is Monoghan's character's family. They were just not funny, and worse yet, they were annoying. I especially disliked the Christian redneck cousin, whose entire purpose is served simply by acting like an asshole towards Stiller's character (at one point even taking a baseball bat to him). I also could've done without those obnoxious twin boys (who show up repeatedly, and for no reason). I honestly don't understand how anybody could think these people would make interesting or funny characters. Hopefully their scenes get shortened down for the final cut.

Saving the best character for last, there's Carlos Mencia in a minor role as a hotel employee (with a penchant for saying, "Screw off, I'm joking!" after every dumb comment he makes). And before you get the wrong idea here, allow me to stress just how sarcastic I was being with that "saving the best for last" bit... This guy SUCKS. I'm not one of those people to write off Mencia as a thief/idiot without giving him a chance. I watched at least three to four episodes of MIND OF MENCIA before not being able to stand it anymore. Here, he plays nothing more than one of the stock characters you might see in a skit off his show. That's not too surprising, however, as he only knows how to act out three character-types – those being, annoying Mexican, annoying fat person, and annoying retard. Guess which one his character "Uncle Tito" is...? That's right. All three.

The other hindrances to the film involve some major problems with pacing, as well as a disappointingly unfunny final half hour. With some extensive cuts in editing, the pacing can still probably be saved. The movie ran at about two hours long, with the beginning taking a little too long to get going, and then the end just being altogether lousy. Seeing as how this was a test screening, I think we can be rest assured that some scenes will be cut, but I highly doubt they'll be able to save the movie's third act. The whole thing is just utterly ridiculous and laugh-free, with Ben Stiller making attempt after attempt to sneak back from Mexico (where his honeymoon was taking place) into the US. It doesn't help matters that both Akerman and Monaghan are absent from this point in the movie. The entire section feels like nothing more than build-up to the one final joke at the film's end, which was a scene that literally made most of the audience groan (and caused one person to shout, "That ending sucks!"). Hopefully that closing gag makes it on the DVD as an alternate ending, and they instead opt to conclude the film with something of a little more substance (or, at least humor that induces laughs, and not eyes rolling in the back of heads).

Even though the movie has its fair share of problems, it does have enough laughs to make it worth your while. It doesn't even come close to being on par with THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY, but it's certainly better than some of the other stuff that Stiller and the Farrelly's have been doing recently. If nothing else, it makes for a solid matinee showing with your friends. And if you have a lady friend who doesn't mind a bit of gross-out humor and sex jokes, it actually makes for a rather decent date movie as well. Just don't blame me if she ends up dumping you after the credits roll.

6 out of 10

You can find my thoughts on other movies through my Flixster account, here:
quigles.flixster.com

DVD REVIEW(S): Update #2

2007-05-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

A new batch of DVD reviews to check out, including ALPHA DOG, THE HITCHER, BIG (EXTENDED CUT), and a bunch more...

You can find the rest of my JoBlo.com reviews at:
joblo.com/reviews_archive.php?mode=joblo_dvds&author=49

And once again, don't forget to check out the rest of my DVD reviews at:
joblo.com/reviews_archive.php?mode=joblo_dvds&author=49

Poster Parodies #1

2007-05-05T11:38:00.000-07:00

Boredom can be a wonderful thing.

INTERVIEWS: Spider-Man 3

2007-05-04T13:19:00.000-07:00

Here are my interviews with Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, Topher Grace, Thomas Haden Church, and director Sam Raimi from the Spider-Man 3 junket.

www.joblo.com/interview-tobey-maguire

So what was it like coming back for a third time? Being the man behind the spider once again?

The man behind the spider. I'm not quite sure what that means, but I had a good time on the movie. [Laughs] I love it. I love working with the cast and the crew and especially with Sam [Raimi]. So it was great coming back and I really felt like in this movie it was definitely the continuing story of Peter Parker and the other characters, but we were exploring new territory for the character. So it was exciting for me to venture into some different areas.

Was it a whole new character playing the dark side to Peter Parker?

It's not a new character. It's a new side to Peter Parker and something that I think is kind of unexpected to see, Peter Parker behaving in some of the ways that he behaves. It was a lot of fun and it was a lot of work for Sam and I to go over it and really think about and discuss the right tone for that part of the movie.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-tobey-maguire
---------------------------
www.joblo.com/interview-kirsten-dunst

Did you feel like this was the end of your experience with Mary Jane or do you see yourself being in 4, 5 and 6?

This is definitely the end to this trilogy. We've closed this chapter. But if Sam and Tobey and I were to come back together, we'd definitely do another movie.

This time around, were you just focusing yourself on the actress storyline and not worrying about the stress in the end or the special FX stuff going on?

On this one, they're finally together and she is successful in what she's doing, and he's been embraced by the city of New York and getting all these accolades. It's blown his head up a little bit. Slowly, we start to unravel Mary Jane, their relationship – they're already ignoring things within that – it doesn't help that he takes on this other darkness that envelopes his character, and brings out all the things he's not dealing with in his life all his anger really heightens that.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-kirsten-dunst
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www.joblo.com/interview-topher-grace

You're a 'Spider-Man' fan?

Oh yeah. I was not just a huge fan of the first two films. I told Sam when we got together I thought there were only two films, two franchises, where the sequel's been better than the first one. And it's 'Aliens' and 'The Godfather' and the New Testament. [Laughter] So I was a huge fan of his films. I thought he was a great director beforehand. The comic book I was an even bigger fan of, in the late Eighties. Ironically, it was when Venom, the character I play was being born by the great Todd McFarlane who kind of revolutionized comics at that time. So I felt like when he offered me the role, I had this inside track. And I kind of had to sit on my hands and not say yes too quickly, because I hadn't negotiated my deal yet. But I wanted to say, "I'll pay you to do it."

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-topher-grace
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www.joblo.com/interview-thomas-haden-church

I imagine you spent a lot of time in front of the computers, with the FX team getting scans of your body and such...

Yeah, the pre-production aspect of it was lengthy, and all of the body scans and motion capture and all the various technological processes.

Was it interesting at all, or was it pretty boring to go through?

No. I found it very interesting. I'm not a tech head, but the whole phenomena of what they do is cool and I got to be pretty close with [visual effects supervisor] Scott Stokdyk who I had actually met at The Academy Awards in 2005. Scott's a really sweet guy and he was so generous in sharing information and letting me know how they build the creatures, but a lot of it, like they like to say, is inspired by me because the three big sequences, the birth of Sandman – for my character, I don't want to seem self-aggrandizing – and then whenever he manifests himself out of the truck and then of course at the end of the movie.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-thomas-haden-church
---------------------------
www.joblo.com/interview-sam-raimi

What was it like coming back to direct 'Spider-Man' the third time around?

It was great working on the third one in many ways and it was difficult in many ways. The easiest thing was that the team was the same. Not just the producers who I became very familiar with, but I had the same production designer, the editor was the same, the animators were the same. They had learned how to move Spider-Man with great grace and they had learned from a lot of their mistakes. So it was definitely easier because of the shorthand of communication. But also, we had all learned a lot of lessons so we could make new mistakes, and we didn't have to repeat the same ones.

But, also working with the actors, that was the biggest advantage of the third picture because what we're always after in scenes is to try to find a moment that will reverberate with the audience. Like if someone is heartbroken, we want the audience to have felt that themselves and to get there we have to make it a real moment of truth. Something about it has to be real. However melodramatic the drama may be, there has to be truth in the actor's performance.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-sam-raimi

MOVIE REVIEW: Spider-Man 3

2007-04-19T23:16:00.000-07:00

Enjoy my two week early review of...

Spider-Man 3
While it does at times tiptoe on the line of being an epic and brilliant work of cinema, SPIDER-MAN 3 is also a big case of overkill. There's way too much going on, and it just seems to keep on coming.

After a somewhat shaky series of opening scenes (with that voiceover narration by Maguire still being as lame as always), the movie quickly finds its balance. It isn't until the symbiote subplot (involving the black Spidey suit) gets into full swing that things become a little too hectic. Director Sam Raimi pulls off an incredible feat by making the never-ending onslaught of subplots balance as well as they do, but the pieces still don't fit to the extent that you'd hope. There's enough plot here for two or three different movies, with plenty of obstacles for Peter to overcome and an ample amount of baddies for him to fight. But in putting the four main plotlines together (i.e., revenge against Sandman, Peter's relationship with Harry, the symbiote suit/Venom, and problems with MJ), the whole experience becomes overwhelming. There's not nearly enough time to absorb all the intertwining threads, no matter how hard the filmmakers obviously try to make it work.

That's not to say this is a bad movie. Far from it. In fact, despite its shortcomings, this picture still marks one of the most fun times I've had at the movies. It wasn't even until after I left the screening that I started to realize how many problems it had. I bet a large percentage of moviegoers will feel the same, being so taken aback by the constant action sequences and stream of storylines that they never even get a chance to notice the film's problems. That's the good news. Bad news is, there's no way these issues will go unnoticed upon repeat viewings. While SPIDER-MAN 2 seems to just keep getting better with each consecutive viewing, I see this one coming up short. It's still less problematic than the first film (which already feels a bit dated), but it just can't compete with the damn near flawless second.

One of the few complaints I had with SPIDEY 2 was the "raindrops are falling on my head" sequence. It was silly and awkward, not fitting well with the rest of the film's style... Well, this sequel tops it. After the symbiote takes over Parker, there's a lengthy montage sequence of him (now turned emo) strutting down the street, dancing around and pelvic thrusting at women. It's basically him hopping about to music while looking like a jackass. And it gets worse. He goes with Gwen Stacy (a hot but disappointingly extraneous character) to a club, where MJ is currently working, and basically reenacts the scene from ANCHORMAN where Will Ferrell starts randomly playing the trumpet and hopping across tables. There are slight differences, of course; this one involves a piano and groovy dance moves. But the outcome is the same, leaving audience member's mouths agape at the uncomfortable hilarity. They really should've saved that scene for the DVD outtakes. Then it'd at least be fitting.

Fortunately, the whole movie isn't plagued by scenes like these. It's only rarely that things start getting ridiculous or cheesy to the point where you can't help but roll your eyes. The other problem comes in the way of bits of awkward dialogue and rushed character development. There's about an 80% hit rate where everything in the script is as smooth as can be, but that last 20% block does hurt the a few vital aspects of the storytelling. Particularly when it comes to fleshing out character motives and emotional conflicts (something that was given almost complete focus in the first two movies).

At least the action sequences stand strong as some of the most spectacular since... well, SPIDER-MAN 2. They take full advantage of the characters' abilities and surroundings, and then fuse the two together to create a number of downright breathtaking moments. The CGI isn't quite flawless yet, but it's still a visual feast for the eyes. The only disappointment is the use of Venom. He does get some time to shine in the movie's third act (or possibly ninth, taking into account how many different stories overlap), but Topher Grace removes all of the character's menace. It really hurts me to write that, considering how wonderfully handled everything was concerning Brock's character before that point. But alas, despite Grace's strong and amiable efforts, his voice is just too awkward coming out of Venom's mouth. And all they needed was some slight voice alteration to fix the problem. Drats.

It's hard to cast this third (and possibly final) installment of the SPIDEY franchise in a more positive light, because frankly, there's nowhere to go but down. SPIDER-MAN 2 is a masterpiece! It created a perfect blend of action, story, and just good ol' comic book fun. SPIDER-MAN 3 does its best to follow through on this unreachable standard, and surprisingly enough, it comes very close to succeeding. Sure, the problems it has stand out like a sore thumb, but that doesn't stop the movie from sharing that same wonderful energy that was so very evident in the first two films.

It may not be a flawless endeavor, but it's certainly epic. Raimi and company reach for the stars, and instead end up making it halfway across the universe. It's one bumpy and crazy ride getting there, but when things go well, they go really damn well. And while some movie trilogies end on a note that make you yearn for one last installment to redeem the series (I'm looking at you, X3!), we should be so lucky to get a conclusive finish to the SPIDER-MAN series. Almost brings a tear to my eye.

8 out of 10

Spider-Man - 7 out of 10
Spider-Man 2 - 9 out of 10

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS REGARDING THE FILM, DROP ME A COMMENT AND I'LL BE SURE TO GET BACK TO YOU ASAP.

You can find my thoughts on other movies through my Flixster account, here:
quigles.flixster.com

MOVIE REVIEW: Disturbia

2007-04-17T11:12:00.002-07:00

Disturbia
OK, lets get the standard stuff out of the way first. DISTURBIA's a blatant ripoff of REAR WINDOW. It's unoriginal, predictable, and formulaic. So on and so forth.

But hey, if you're going to rip something off, might as well do it well. And DISTURBIA does. Very well, in fact. It's formula at its best.

Acting as the film's main highlight, the underrated Shia LaBeouf once again proves how capable he is as a leading man. His character could've so easily crossed the line from likable to obnoxious, but Shia makes sure to avoid hitting that point. Props!

The supporting work is pretty solid, too. Aaron Yoo plays the obvious Asian comic relief, but he adds enough charm to the role to surpass the cliche (even if it's just a little). Sara Roemer is hot as hell as Shia's love interest. A few of their scenes together were a little too cheesy/sappy for my liking, but I'm sure many teen audiences appreciate them. At times it feels almost like the first act to a really high-budget porno. Or at the very least, it's a pretty standard teen male fantasy. It probably wouldn't have bugged me if I hadn't already seen it handled so well in THE GIRL NEXT DOOR.

Something in particular that really impressed me was the build-up to the third act. For a movie that steals so blatantly from Hitchcock, at least they were smart enough to also incorporate a style of filmmaking he pioneered. The film takes its time to get to the suspense. It builds and builds until the characters have been developed enough to make you care what happens to them, and then the thrilling 3rd act kicks into play. And man, what a rush it is. If any audience member starts getting ancy watching what seems almost like a goofy teen comedy for the first hour, the movie's intense climax should leave them satisfied. It certainly made me a happy camper.

On a final note, I just want to comment how distracting some of the product placements were. I did appreciate how they incorporated technology to various aspects of the plot (making it feel more "updated"), but there were a number of times where it just stood out too much. Particularly the opening scene, which feels like it could stand alone as a commercial for Coca-Cola. And the stuff with the Xbox 360, iTunes, PSP, YouTube, etc. - it felt like the movie was trying too hard to be hip. Sort of annoying.

7 out of 10

You can find my thoughts on other movies through my Flixster account, here:
quigles.flixster.com

MOVIE REVIEW: Perfect Stranger

2007-04-17T11:12:00.001-07:00

Perfect Stranger
This movie's about as generic and lame as the trailer made it look, if just a tad bit better. Maybe the fact that I had zero expectations helped me to "kinda" enjoy it. Or maybe it was my respect for Giovanni Ribisi. Or maybe it was my love for Halle Berry's gorgeous body. Well whatever the case, the movie's a dumb, by-the-numbers thriller that should keep easily satisfied fans happy. That's all there really is to it.

Every piece of dialogue feels very manufactured. It's almost cringe worthy at times. I laughed out loud at a couple of the scenes.

Giovanni is great though, so he's able to make his stuff work. Without him in the film, I would've disliked it much more. Bruce Willis hardly feels like he's in the movie. Whatever. Halle Berry is fine, and by that I mean she is both decent in her role and SMOKIN' HOT! Yowza!

*ahem*

Sorry about that.

This movie doesn't deserve much attention. It's fairly dull. The big twist ending is stupid. It feels like there are some plot holes too, but I'm too lazy to think back and actually figure out where (I'm sure others can do it for me). Halle Berry doesn't even go completely nude - just some side boob action (but on the other hand, that was some stellar side boob action!).

Meh. Unless you thought the trailer made the movie look amazing, you should definitely skip it. It's a little bit better than THE NUMBER 23, but not by much. Both of them feel surprisingly similar in that they're tedious R-rated thrillers that might've benefited by by cutting down to a PG-13 and opening up to teenage audiences. Not saying that would've actually made them better, but at least they'd have a better chance at the box office.

4 out of 10

You can find my thoughts on other movies through my Flixster account, here:
quigles.flixster.com

MOVIE REVIEW(S): Introduction

2007-04-17T11:10:00.000-07:00

In the future I'll probably spend a lot more time working on my reviews for theatrical movies, but for now I'm just jotting down my quick thoughts on them. If you're looking for something with more of an in-depth analysis, check out my DVD reviews at JoBlo.com.

Below you can find my comments on some of the more recent films to hit cinemas...

Grindhouse
While PLANET TERROR delivers an awesome heaping of pure schlock, DEATH PROOF adds a whole new meaning the word. Both are kickass flicks, with their own separate pros and cons.

PLANET TERROR is a blast. It's messy, lively, and completely ridiculous. At times it feels like it's a parody of camp more than actual camp, but that didn't stop me from having fun.

I loved it in the same way I loved FEAST.

DEATH PROOF would've easily surpassed TERROR if it hadn't been for some of the dialogue. I've raved about Tarantino's writing in the past, but here it seemed to hinder the experience more than help. However, once the actual car chases come into play, it became a balls-to-the-walls ride. It was also interesting how Tarantino played with conventions by basically restarting the film halfway through with a new set of characters. And from that point on, there's a very different tone set. The final frame of the movie certainly confirms that notion. In this sense, the first half of the film is pure throwback, while the second completely defies expectations - nothing quite as fitting for a grindhouse film than that!

If it weren't for the incessant inane banter, I'd probably be giving DEATH PROOF a much higher score. Plus, it needed more of Kurt Russell being a badass. While I did like how Tarantino changed gears during the final third of the film, I really would've liked to enjoy Stuntman Mike's awesomeness for a few more scenes (as opposed to what he devolves into later on).

No matter how much you love or hate these films, there's no denying what a creative and unique experience has been created. It doesn't quite bring back the grindhouse experience (not that I'd know), but it's fun. And a LOT of it.

The faux trailers are awesome, too.

MACHETE - The whole priest-with-guns thing was hilarious. I can't wait to pick up the real thing when it hits DVD.

WEREWOLF WOMEN OF THE S.S. - The idea behind this is hilarious, but the trailer as a whole is nothing special. Nicolas Cage' appearance was a riot though.

DON'T - Funny as hell. It actually feels like a movie that could've been made a long time back. If it were real, I'd totally watch it.

THANKSGIVING - Awesomely hilarious. The killer f*cking the turkey/head was the perfect way to end the fake trailers and kick-start DEATH PROOF.

Final Ratings:
PLANET TERROR - 8 out of 10
DEATH PROOF - 7 out of 10

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Blades of Glory
This isn't the type of movie you need to analyze too deeply, so I'm not going to. That said, it's hilarious. It's not going to make your sides hurt or anything, but if you like Ferrell's brand of comedy, it will definitely keep you laughing.

Both Heder and Ferrell do a great job as the leads, and the supporting stars are also very funny (Poehler and Arnett). As for Jenna Fischer... she's so goddamn hot. Rawr.

The only person that actually surprised me was Heder. Not because he does an amazing job or anything, but because I was appalled by his performance in SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS. But he does a very solid job here. He certainly helps to keep the laughs coming, almost even as much as Ferrell does. I honestly believe if they had cast somebody else, the movie wouldn't be as enjoyable as it turned out.

There's a TON of sexual humor, much of it homosexual-based (as the movie's plot implies), but it's handled well. They work in some gags. Also, the ice skating moves they do are a riot. There are numerous moments of obvious CGI and wirework, but it actually fits in with the ridiculously over-the-top style of the film.

Great cast, great gags, and lots o' laughs. If you watch the trailer and get the feeling the movie's something you might enjoy, then I can pretty much guarantee you will. If not, stay away.

7 out of 10

---------------------------
Meet the Robinsons
A goofy, entertaining family film. There are a few clever moments of humor, some great looking CGI, and a solid message (that gets repeated endlessly).

I did get a little frustrated at how frantic and rushed everything became as soon as the Robinson family was introduced (especially with how they immediately acted like they were Lewis' family), but those are relatively minor quibbles.

As far as CGI films go, this one's above average.

6 out of 10

---------------------------
TMNT
Fun, fun movie. The plot takes a bit too long to get going, but the action sequences keep things interesting.

The CGI looks terrific. I was little disappointed at the lack of monster battles, but the other fight scenes were choreographed/animated so well that I didn't really mind in the long run. The visuals and action sequences are easily the two main highlights of the film.

The writing is sub-par and generic, but it's a kid flick, so I can't really complain. The awful humor has always been present with TMNT, so that aspect of the bad writing was actually very welcome to me.

Mikey and Don are shortchanged in the film, with much of the story focusing on the rivalry between Raph and Leo. If there's a sequel, hopefully they get a bit more to do.

All in all, a great piece of nostalgia. Takes a bit from everything - the comics, cartoons, live-action films - so fans should be pleased. I know I was.

7 out of 10

---------------------------
300
Well, I'd love to hop on the 10/10 bandwagon (alongside all my movie buff friends), but I think I'm leaning more toward an 8 out of 10.

I didn't get completely hooked until past the 20 minute mark, which is due in part to there not being much REAL plot to go along with the basic story. Maybe that's a good thing though, because the story isn't all that interesting. The acting helps to pick up the plot somewhat, but I never really felt myself "enthralled" by it. It's the visuals that make the movie epic, not the story. Which is weird, because the story really should feel epic as well. The climax was also a bit underwhelming (it's cool, but it certainly doesn't make the movie go out with a bang).

That said, as soon as the first action sequence graced the screen, I was blown away. Some of the most masterful choreography, cinematography, and direction I've seen in quite some time. Absolutely stunning. This movie really is style over substance, and in this particular case, that's a very good thing.

The majority of the film is actually a ton of fun, and I think I would've actually liked it to be longer (didn't feel even close to two hours - went by really fast). I think the reason for that was that it took me awhile to become immersed in the film, and by the time I did, the movie was already past the halfway mark. When it was over, I was left wanting more.

I wouldn't say the movie was a disappointment by any means, as I can't honestly think of how they might've improved anything... Mostly I think I built myself up for something that wouldn't logically be delivered. The trailers were amazing, but I didn't really stop to think about how the story would go along with all those awesome pieces of action.

EDIT: After having just seen the movie again, I found myself able to appreciate it a lot more. Pretty awesome flick.

8 out of 10

You can find my thoughts on other movies through my Flixster account, here:
quigles.flixster.com

DVD REVIEW(S): Introduction

2007-04-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

Here is a small collection of my most recent DVD reviews for JoBlo.com. Links to my future DVD reviews can be found here regularly. I'll post them as soon as they are made available on the site. Stay tuned.

You can find the rest of my DVD reviews at:
joblo.com/reviews_archive.php?mode=joblo_dvds&author=49

And once again, don't forget to check out the rest of my DVD reviews at:
joblo.com/reviews_archive.php?mode=joblo_dvds&author=49

INTERVIEWS: Perfect Stranger

2007-04-17T11:04:00.001-07:00

Here are my interviews with Halle Berry, Giovanni Ribisi and director James Foley from the Perfect Stranger junket.

www.joblo.com/interview-halle-berry

You took journalism at school...

Very briefly, must I say.

What kind of journalism did you want to do? Anything like your character in 'Perfect Stranger'?

I wanted to do this hard-core stuff you guys do. [Laughs] Well, unfortunately because I didn’t study it long enough, I hadn’t really decided that yet. So I really don’t know, but I knew that I was a good writer in high school and won awards, and I was the editor of my school newspaper. So I knew that I was a good writer and I wanted to somehow capitalize and sort of utilize a talent that I thought I had. How it would have manifested, I don’t really know.

The producer and director were singing their praises about how into the character you were – what made you so passionate about playing this role?

Well, you know, I love a character that gives me a chance to grow and do something different, and Row was so multifaceted. I've never played a character who played a character who played a character, and that gave me a chance as an artist to sort of stretch my limits and to challenge myself. When I read the movie and I got to the end, I thought, 'Wow, I don’t know how I’m going to pull this off [or] if I can, but I’m going to go down trying,' because that’s how impassioned I was about it.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-halle-berry
---------------------------
www.joblo.com/interview-giovanni-ribisi

You tend to play a lot of quirky characters with an evil side to them. Do you seek out those types of characters?

I dunno... I looked on IMDB recently and I was like, 'Wow, there's like 40 movies.' Maybe it's just a coincidence that people haven't seen the other films. I have another film coming out after this called 'The Dog Problem', and it's sort of a lighter romantic comedy. And yeah, I think that he's troubled to a greater or lesser degree. But I think that the problem exists in storytelling. You know, if you just saw a guy who was just happy the whole time, that wouldn't be a really interesting movie. But I think at the same time, a lot of people ask me – the word that I hate – 'Quirky.' You know, 'Why am I playing these quirky characters?' I don't look at them [like that]. It's not about that. It's more about being interested in the breadth of human emotion and doing something that's dynamic.

Having a personality.

Yeah, exactly. I think that anybody to a greater or lesser degree has a dark side. But there's a part of me that's quite the opposite now, because so many people have been saying it. I'm not interested in that anymore. And it's got me thinking, because I get that question a lot – especially today – about, 'Why?' And I think it's because it's a challenge and there's something enticing about that.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-giovanni-ribisi
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www.joblo.com/interview-james-foley

Did it feel good, finishing the movie?

I went out and splurged right when I got back, because when you direct a movie you feel rich for like one day. Because, you know, you've gotten all your money, but then you realize that you get your monthly statement from your business manager and every month it goes down and down. And you're unemployed and you have no idea if you'll ever get a job again. So you don't know if you're rich or not, because if you get paid a million bucks and you do your next movie right away – the next year – then you're making a million bucks a year. But if you wait three years, you're only getting $300,000 a year.

So does that make you less selective about your movie choices?

I'm extremely selective. I learned early on that if I didn't find myself in the project, I didn't want to do it. And by that I mean, 'Where is myself?' And it's in Halle 's character. I feel in many ways – I can be psychoanalyzed why – I just feel a kinship with her character. And I love her. And I don't care what she does, and I understand her behavior no matter what she does. I understand the twisted logic of why she takes a certain action. And it's the best performance of any movie I've ever made. There's a layer that's so interesting because Halle Berry is playing a character, [and] that character is acting she's a different character, so you have to [make] people believe this new character she invented – that the character is acting – but you can't let the audience see that this character is acting. But she has to be. And that was a real magic trick.

And when you see it, there are – people say this too often sometimes – but I really think there's reason to see this movie a second time, because there are millions of little moments that could be interpreted one way or another. I purposely left things ambiguous. Something as simple as Halle coming in with Giovanni to Halle's kitchen and Halle's in one room and Giovanni's in another, and Halle's taking off her hat and she stops, and she starts thinking about something. And we have no idea what she's thinking about. But it's a long pause. And then she blurts out a question to Giovanni, and then Halle can't see Giovanni, but Giovanni's reaction is like, 'Uh oh. This is complicated.' And you have no idea at the point why it's complicated, but you know that something more is at hand and what the first level of reality is. There are secrets.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-james-foley

INTERVIEWS: Blades of Glory

2007-04-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

Here are my interviews with Will Ferrell, Jon Heder, Jenna Fischer, Will Arnett, and Amy Poehler from the Blades of Glory junket.

www.joblo.com/interview-ferrellheder

Ferrell: [To Heder] What's up homes? This is our first time seeing each other today. After spending the entire day yesterday together...

Heder: I was watching '300.'

Ferrell: You saw '300?'

Heder: Yeah. There were about three hundred people in the theater. All the soldiers were there to watch themselves.

So I take it this was an irresistible opportunity, the two of you on ice, looking like fools?

Heder: No. To make ourselves look quite cool. Not fools.

Ferrell: Yeah, this was not a foolish endeavor. We were finally able to fulfill our dreams and aspirations of becoming figure skaters which I know that we all have.

Heder: There's a little bit of watching that and then wanting to get out there in each and every one of us, in that Lycra.

Ferrell: And express yourself.

Heder: It's all about expression.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-ferrellheder
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www.joblo.com/interview-jenna-fischer

This is pretty much your first big movie out of the gate, after the huge success of 'The Office.' How did it come about?

Well, it kind of goes like this - your agent calls you up and they're like, 'So there's this movie with Will Ferrell, Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, Jon Heder... Would you like to read the script?' And you say, 'I don’t think I need to read that script. I think I know already that I want to be in that movie.' Kinda went like that. You know, when I was offered the part to be in this movie, 'The Office' wasn’t really 'The Office' yet. I just felt lucky to be included.

So 'The Office' hadn’t come out yet?

It had come out but it didn’t have all the ratings, it didn’t have the popularity, it didn’t have the Emmy... it didn’t have any of that stuff yet. So this was a big exciting gig for me. It still is. I mean, I'm still the new girl in town.

So you're getting a lot of offers now for other movies?

Now, I'm getting more offers. Yeah. Now it's been really good.

Is it hard to find time though?

Yeah, because I work on 'The Office' eight months out of the year. Twelve hours a day. Five days a week. And then on the weekends, you do stuff like this. So there's not a lot of extra time to mess around. But, you know, we get a good four months off in the summer, and then we all just fight to get a good movie deal.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-jenna-fischer
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www.joblo.com/interview-poehlerarnett

How did you get this movie together, and were you excited when you heard who else was in it?

Arnett: I almost dropped out. When I heard that [Will] Ferrell was in it, I almost dropped out... because he comes in with a lot of attitude. He's clearly all roided out and I don't endorse that. We have to think about kids who are our future.

Poehler: He was juicing the whole time. We would get these threatening letters - cut out letters in the mail that said, 'Do this or else.' Then it would be signed Will Ferrell.

Arnett: Why cut out all the stuff and then sign your name on it? Also, it said, 'This is a DNA sample, just approved.'

You've worked with Will Ferrell before, right?

Poehler: Oh, Will and I loved working with each other on 'SNL.' I had a blast working with him when he was there. So in all honesty I was super psyched to be able to work with him again. It was because we don't work together a lot and so we like the idea of doing a creepy version of working together, which is fun.

Is this close to your real relationship?

Arnett: Well, we're not brother and sister.

Poehler: We're actually not. We checked before we started filming.

Arnett: We're not. Again.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-poehlerarnett

INTERVIEWS: Ghost Rider

2007-04-13T14:05:00.000-07:00

Here are my interviews with Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, and director Mark Steven Johnson from the Ghost Rider junket.

www.joblo.com/interview-cagemendes

Nicolas Cage: Anybody here from Entertainment Weekly? Because I hate that magazine. [Laughter]

What did Entertainment Weekly do to you?

Cage: Entertainment Weekly hasn't done anything to me. Somebody asked me a question about, "Do you think comic book movies get a bad rap?" And someone mentioned to me that there was a blurb in Entertainment Weekly, very condescendingly, "We get a kick out of watching Academy Award winners being in movies they have no business being seen in." And I thought, "Well, that's really shallow thinking, because they can't get outside their own box."

They don't understand the concept of what I would say is art. You have different styles and you can choose to be photo realistic like World Trade Center , or you can be pop art illustrative. Why limit yourself to one style of acting? And especially when you look at Ghost Rider you see a comic book story structure that digs a little deeper. It doesn't take itself too seriously, of course, it's funny, but it's coming from classic themes like Faust with Gerta or Thomas Mann or then Beauty and the Beast and it's fascinating to take those story structures and reintroduce people to it in a pop art, contemporary manner.

In a comic book especially, which is fun and reaches a lot of people. Entertainment Weekly is the kind of magazine that is very condescending and they think in a very narrow box and they always have. So that's why I would recommend that if you really want to really get your information and know what movies to go see, I wouldn't resort to that particular publication, because they are pretty shallow.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-cagemendes
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www.joblo.com/interview-mark-steven-johnson

The trailer says, "He made a deal to save somebody he loved." And it looks like they're talking about Eva Mendes even though it's not her. Why not just say, "He made a deal to save his father?"

Avi Arad: I think that those who are from the uber-geek universe will immediately know that he did it to save his dad. When we make movies like this the idea is to get more people initiated. If you remember when this Marvel journey started, there were only three of us watching these movies. So in order to get to where we are today, at least from a marketing and advertising standpoint, we want to open it. And of course, Roxanne is part of his love and part of his aspirations and part of his pain, so it all makes sense.

So it's intentionally vague?

Mark Steven Johnson: Yeah.

Gary Foster: Yes.

Arad : Whenever it's vague, it's intentional. [Laughter]

As far as the evolution of comic book movies, what's gotten better?

Johnson: The CGI. You know, its one of those things where there's so much negativity on the internet, and that's for any filmmaker or any musician or any artist at all... But the great thing is that, for me, is that I go onto a site like Superhero Hype or some of the comic sites and you read about what people say and sometimes they're right. It's like a free test screening in a way. So we put up the skull a year and half a year ago at the earliest stage, and everybody was like, "Skull looks fake. It looks terrible." You know, that’s our lead character. If he doesn’t look good, you're sunk, from the very beginning. Because at least you gotta get that right. So that was the hardest thing, was getting that skull and that CG fire to look right, and the time really helped.

Read the rest of the interview by clicking the link below...
www.joblo.com/interview-mark-steven-johnson

A Smokin' event...!!

2007-04-13T13:55:00.000-07:00

Included in this article are a rundown of the event, my adventures meeting some of the cast/crew, pics with me and actor Jeremy Piven/director Joe Carnahan, and my review of the film. Check it out.

www.joblo.com/a-smokin-event

DVD: Best of 2006

2007-04-13T13:40:00.000-07:00

JoBlo.com had their yearly DVD "Best of..." list put up awhile back, as usual compiled by schmoe extraordinaire Johnny Moreno. And being part of the DVD Clinic crew, I got to contribute some picks of my own...

Best:
Oldboy (Three Disc Special Edition)
Dazed & Confused (Criterion Edition)
Clerks 2 (Special Edition)

Worst:
The Wicker Man
X-Men: The Last Stand

Be sure to read the article to find out the reasons behind my choices, and of course to learn what the rest of the DVD Clinic's top picks were as well.

www.joblo.com/dvd-best-of-2006